Intimate body part question

[embaressssed]

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

[DogsSausages]

You want men who have had numerous partners to tell you what types of fannies they prefer

[wizzbangfizz]

I don't think any man worth their salt would care or notice, there was a thread on the sex topic about large labia and the men who replied were very reassuring. Also google a piece that was in the guardian last year which contained 100 pics of women's vaginas etc

[genelouise]

Google Laura Dodsworth 100 vulvas - she is an artist - it will give you a better idea of the full range down there

[genelouise]

Cross post

[DuzzyFuck]

Came to say the same as @wizz. Have you watched/read about the 100 vaginas project OP? It might provide some reassurance.

Honestly when I was younger I worried about the same kind of things, but now I honestly couldn't care less. None of the (decent) men I've ever met could care less, they're just so pleased to be in close proximity to a vagina they don't tend to stop and examine it for flaws or aesthetics.

[PogoTheClown]

Google Christy Mack

[angel0071987]

Watch naked attraction. Whole host of different bodies and all beautiful. :)

[ravenmum]

Do you mean there's scarring or something? Can you not judge from a good flash around with a mirror whether it might need correcting?
(Don't they all just look quite functional, on the whole?)

[CodenameVillanelle]

It's perfectly normal to have protruding inner labia. Many women have that. Your ex was an arsehole and you should not get parts of your vulva surgically removed.

[imalmostthere]

How common what is op? I don't actually understand your question - what do you want to know? How common is scarring? Or are you referring to having larger labia?

[Itsokthanks]

How common what is? If something is visible that wasn't before giving birth you've possibly had a prolapse and labiaplasty won't fix that.

[kerkyra]

I'm sure there are loads of us worrying op. I had an ex saying I must love sex alot as my bits were probably bigger than others he'd come across 🤷‍♀️ but it wasnt that at all. I havent had sex for three years!

No one else has mentioned it and I'm probably quite normal.

[Bagelsandbrie]

I think people like your ex would find something else to be rude about if it wasn’t your vagina. He clearly just wanted to make you feel bad.

I really don’t think you should worry about this. If you found a man you really fancied and went to bed with him and he had a slightly longer foreskin or whatever would you even care?? Same difference. If someone fancies you they’ll just be excited to be there!

[embaressssed]

@DogsSausages

You want men who have had numerous partners to tell you what types of fannies they prefer

I was asking how common, someone with numerous partners will have seen a lot of them.

[Jackie2022]

To be honest, this sounds cliche but if the guy likes you he won’t care

I have no concerns about mine, but I read things on Twitter all the time. Guys talk about how they like “neat ones” and the next day talk about how they like “meaty ones” (😬). I don’t think there’s a consensus

[Jackie2022]

Also it’s much more rare to have a picture perfect vag, guys will have seen more “imperfect” ones in comparison

[ravenmum]

So your question is "How common is it for a man to be put off by looking at a vagina"?

[hannahbananananananana]

Also men who want a'perfect' vagina probably watch too much porn and don't know in reality what the majority of vaginas look like.

[embaressssed]

Thanks everyone else. Sorry if I wasn't coming across clearly, I just find it really embarrassing after what was said (he had many partners before me and apparently I'm the most disgusting he's ever seen)...yes my inner labia protrudes about an inch, possibly more. The thought of someone else reacting like that makes me feel sick. I have other parts of my body I'm not completely happy with but this one thing is really getting to me.

I will have a look at everyone's suggestions, thank you all so much.

[bobby81]

Hi OP, I had a labiaplasty after having my DC. I’m really pleased that I did, I am much happier & more confident with how things look. If it matters to you & you can afford it then go for it. I understand what other posters are saying about it not being important but in my opinion if it matters to you & you are able to improve it then why not? Just be aware that there is a recovery time & it’s pretty sore for a couple of weeks so if you have young DC you’ll need help with childcare & time off work.

[ravenmum]

Yeah, it's him, not you, that's disgusting.

[DuzzyFuck]

I have no concerns about mine, but I read things on Twitter all the time. Guys talk about how they like “neat ones” and the next day talk about how they like “meaty ones” (😬). I don’t think there’s a consensus

Wow you and I occupy entirely different spheres of Twitter

[embaressssed]

@ravenmum

So your question is "How common is it for a man to be put off by looking at a vagina"?

Well I was asking how common it was to have so much labia on show but I get where you're coming from.

[Magicalsundays]

Ignore him. What a twat! Did he penis look amazing and was it the most fantastic object you had ever feasted your eyes upon?

In my mind penis are pretty grim to look at, as are vulvas. But they do the job.

But the crux if it is the - the did a survey of vulvas to find ‘the average’ and discovered there was no average.

[Babamamananarama]

OP it is utterly normal and very common to have protruding labia.

It is not common at all to have a man as rude, offensive and poisonous as your ex.

The useless waste of skin here is your ex, not your fanny flaps.

HTH.