Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Feeling very hurt, just offloading really(5 Posts)
I’ve had a weird situationship for the past 4 years with a man. We go through phases of being very close to not talking at all for months. I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone, I can’t be bothered with it. But I do love this man.
A year ago, after 6 months of no contact, we became close again. This time I didn’t want to complicate things so there was no sex or anything. We were extremely close. I grew to love him as a very reliable friend. But we started sleeping together again in October. I was at first happy because my feelings didn’t change, I still didn’t want a relationship and I was happy that I was having amazing sex and had my best friend. But he’s changed again. It’s as if he starts to lose respect for me as soon as we start a sexual relationship. I’ve been there for him a lot over the last year, anything he’s needed I’ve been there.
I’ve been having a bit of a difficult time recently, I’m ok really but I needed him as a friend. And all of a sudden he’s too busy or I’ll need to wait. I did tell him that I feel he’s taken me for granted and that I wouldn’t be as available anymore. I just feel so hurt and let down. I keep crying etc. I think I’ve finally realised that he doesn’t care about me as much as I care about him and that I’m just a useful person to know. The friendship I thought we had was lovely and now I’m going to lose that but I can’t let someone take advantage of me.
It's neither a true friendship or relationship
It's quite confusing to mix the two and as you say you didn't want a relationship, was that the same for him?
I guess him being unavailable is him saying he wants to cool it off or just get to together when he wants sex, he'll end up just using you for that.
It's possible he's pulling back each time because you don't want a "proper" relationship? I mean in order to protect his own feelings? There are a lot of mixed messages from both of you here.
You were happy having "amazing sex" with your best friend. To me that's a relationship and its unclear why that has changed/stopped.
If you feel the friendship is too one sided; you supporting him through difficult times but him not returning that level of support then how did he respond to you telling him that?
It also depends what sort of emotional support you need from him. It's quite a big ask to offload everything onto one person if they don't feel equipped to deal with it.
Neither of us is married.
He has said he doesn’t want a relationship either, we’ve both got busy lives. I just feel let down as a friend.
Please login first.