Why does my ex want to catch up?

[varbie89]

Ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost a year. He broke up with me the end of November 2020 and expressed that he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but it was the best decision he could do at the time. After the breakup, he still has expressed doubts. I stupidly kept in contact and we're still in contact to this day, although it is predominately been initiated by me. We have had the odd 1-hour phone call wich we never really did previously. However, I really want to change that. So I've deleted our texts and his number so technically, if he wants to chase after me, he has to plus it alleviates any temptation which I had been doing.

So I made a previous post. He got in contact with me again and said he would like to see me but still thinks it was the right decision to break up, it's almost like he's telling me this in case I think he wants to be back together. I asked him whether he's doing it to appease me and he said no. I asked him if he just wants to be friends and he said no. I said is it a friendly meet up and he said yes. I've told him that I cannot be just friends with him however and he understood.

I really wish I would have gone straight into no contact but anyway.

So, I've decided to pull back and if he wants to chase up seeing me. I didn't respond to his last message and then he sent me a text the other morning saying "Morning :) when this week suits you well?"

Looks like we'll have dinner together.

I just find it odd that he's chasing up to see me but doesn't want to be just friends, said in one of his other texts that it's not to get back together (so he claims) and isn't doing it to appease me. I don't think he wants sex either as when I saw him in December 2020, he was very anti any sort of affection/intimacy from me. In fact, he was rejecting me.

I still like/love this man. Do I see him? Why does he want to catch up?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

What is there to like about this man at all, let alone love?. He has you on a string. All he has done is mess you about and your boundaries, already weak here to start with re him (and yes you should have had no further contact with him at all) are being further mashed.

Cancel the dinner and block him from being able to contact you. No good to you will come of meeting him because he just wants to put the boot into you some more. Are you really that desperate for male company that you would put up with this from a man?.

[mrsed1987]

Sounds bizzare to me. Why don't you just repeat the fact that you will struggle to just be friends, block. His number and move on.

[seensome]

Hmm he doesn't want to be friends or get back together, I'm guessing he does want to be more than friends and wants to talk about it first? Before committing getting back together. Meet him but stand your ground on your expectations and what you want to happen if you don't want the same thing then tell him to be on his way.

[CallforHecate]

He’s messing you around. Move on.

[avocadospringseternal]

Why haven't you blocked him?

[mummyof2lou]

This has got tears written all over it, and they'll be yours. Be cautious and protect your heart

[Sumwin1]

I don’t think anybody should be chasing anyone. Just block him and move on OP.

[varbie89]

@seensome it is very strange. In one of our hour phone call, he said he still really likes me and is very fond of me. Just about every phone call we have, he says that maybe he is one big idiot after all/expresses doubt.

[Beforethetakingoftoastandtea]

He is keeping you interested on him so it is easy for him to pop in and out of your life when it suits him. He is preparing the way to make you out up with crumbs. Fwb for him, while you wait for him to realise he does in fact want to be committed to you after all.

This is the way to madness. End it.

[varbie89]

@AttilaTheMeerkat you help put things into perspective. Maybe, after all, it really isn't love that I'm feeling and why should I.

[Beforethetakingoftoastandtea]

[quote varbie89]@seensome it is very strange. In one of our hour phone call, he said he still really likes me and is very fond of me. Just about every phone call we have, he says that maybe he is one big idiot after all/expresses doubt.[/quote]
Ignore what he says. What does he do?

[varbie89]

@mummyof2lou most likely mine yes. He cried when he broke up with me and on one of our recent calls but they will be mine.

[varbie89]

@Beforethetakingoftoastandtea for work, ma'am/sir?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

He is not above trying to emotionally manipulate you via tears either. Horrible man. His actions towards you are certainly not loving ones.

Give him a wide berth going forward.

[Amichelle84]

Hes being manipulative. He doesnt like you. Move on and dont meet him.

[sammylady37]

Stop being so passive. Take control and block him. You are not going to get what you want from him.

[IthinkIm]

He wants to see if you're still on a bit of string.

Block him. Also his grammar is shocking. That alone should be enough reason to decline.

[BeautifulStar]

Sounds like he hasn’t found someone better like he thought he would and is getting desperate for a shag. Sorry Op.

[MadamBatty]

He fancies a shag when he feels like it. He’s a ‘tortured soul’ & it’s your job to dry his tears & comfort him. It’s all about meeeeeee

[VettiyaIruken]

Hes most likely hoping you'll let him fuck you.

[CagneyNYPD]

Unfortunately, you have become his BBW (Back Burner Woman). He wants to keep you on his back burner, gently simmering away, until he fancies a shag. Or until he gers dumped by the woman who is currently his main interest.

[Lonelyeartsclub]

What was his reasons for breaking up?

[SeaShoreGalore]

Looks like we'll have dinner together

Strange way of putting it, like you don’t have a say - you’re allowed to say no, you know!

He’s stringing you along. He gets an ego boost from knowing how much you’re into him, but he doesn’t like you enough to go out with you, or he would be going out with you.

[Jackie2022]

He’s stringing you along until he finds someone else

[Dontbeme]

Looks like we'll have dinner together

This seems very passive OP, you word it like he has decided that you are meeting for dinner so that's what's happening. Why does he call the shots, why does he get to yank your leash and you go running, are you not angry at the shabby way he is treating you?

Message him saying "no thanks to the meet up I am busy, good luck with everything" and then block everywhere. Stop allowing this man the opportunity to hurt you and waste your time.