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Why does my ex want to catch up?

(53 Posts)
varbie89 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:08:35

Ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost a year. He broke up with me the end of November 2020 and expressed that he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but it was the best decision he could do at the time. After the breakup, he still has expressed doubts. I stupidly kept in contact and we're still in contact to this day, although it is predominately been initiated by me. We have had the odd 1-hour phone call wich we never really did previously. However, I really want to change that. So I've deleted our texts and his number so technically, if he wants to chase after me, he has to plus it alleviates any temptation which I had been doing.

So I made a previous post. He got in contact with me again and said he would like to see me but still thinks it was the right decision to break up, it's almost like he's telling me this in case I think he wants to be back together. I asked him whether he's doing it to appease me and he said no. I asked him if he just wants to be friends and he said no. I said is it a friendly meet up and he said yes. I've told him that I cannot be just friends with him however and he understood.

I really wish I would have gone straight into no contact but anyway.

So, I've decided to pull back and if he wants to chase up seeing me. I didn't respond to his last message and then he sent me a text the other morning saying "Morning smile when this week suits you well?"

Looks like we'll have dinner together.

I just find it odd that he's chasing up to see me but doesn't want to be just friends, said in one of his other texts that it's not to get back together (so he claims) and isn't doing it to appease me. I don't think he wants sex either as when I saw him in December 2020, he was very anti any sort of affection/intimacy from me. In fact, he was rejecting me.

I still like/love this man. Do I see him? Why does he want to catch up?

OP’s posts: |
AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 14-Feb-21 16:13:08

What is there to like about this man at all, let alone love?. He has you on a string. All he has done is mess you about and your boundaries, already weak here to start with re him (and yes you should have had no further contact with him at all) are being further mashed.

Cancel the dinner and block him from being able to contact you. No good to you will come of meeting him because he just wants to put the boot into you some more. Are you really that desperate for male company that you would put up with this from a man?.

mrsed1987 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:13:28

Sounds bizzare to me. Why don't you just repeat the fact that you will struggle to just be friends, block. His number and move on.

seensome Sun 14-Feb-21 16:15:09

Hmm he doesn't want to be friends or get back together, I'm guessing he does want to be more than friends and wants to talk about it first? Before committing getting back together. Meet him but stand your ground on your expectations and what you want to happen if you don't want the same thing then tell him to be on his way.

CallforHecate Sun 14-Feb-21 16:16:44

He’s messing you around. Move on.

avocadospringseternal Sun 14-Feb-21 16:17:39

Why haven't you blocked him?

mummyof2lou Sun 14-Feb-21 16:17:54

This has got tears written all over it, and they'll be yours. Be cautious and protect your heart

Sumwin1 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:18:50

I don’t think anybody should be chasing anyone. Just block him and move on OP.

varbie89 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:21:06

@seensome it is very strange. In one of our hour phone call, he said he still really likes me and is very fond of me. Just about every phone call we have, he says that maybe he is one big idiot after all/expresses doubt.

OP’s posts: |
Beforethetakingoftoastandtea Sun 14-Feb-21 16:21:25

He is keeping you interested on him so it is easy for him to pop in and out of your life when it suits him. He is preparing the way to make you out up with crumbs. Fwb for him, while you wait for him to realise he does in fact want to be committed to you after all.

This is the way to madness. End it.

varbie89 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:21:41

@AttilaTheMeerkat you help put things into perspective. Maybe, after all, it really isn't love that I'm feeling and why should I.

OP’s posts: |
Beforethetakingoftoastandtea Sun 14-Feb-21 16:21:47


*@seensome* it is very strange. In one of our hour phone call, he said he still really likes me and is very fond of me. Just about every phone call we have, he says that maybe he is one big idiot after all/expresses doubt.

Ignore what he says. What does he do?

varbie89 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:22:58

@mummyof2lou most likely mine yes. He cried when he broke up with me and on one of our recent calls but they will be mine.

OP’s posts: |
varbie89 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:23:48

@Beforethetakingoftoastandtea for work, ma'am/sir?

OP’s posts: |
AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 14-Feb-21 16:25:42

He is not above trying to emotionally manipulate you via tears either. Horrible man. His actions towards you are certainly not loving ones.

Give him a wide berth going forward.

Amichelle84 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:27:02

Hes being manipulative. He doesnt like you. Move on and dont meet him.

sammylady37 Sun 14-Feb-21 16:29:52

Stop being so passive. Take control and block him. You are not going to get what you want from him.

IthinkIm Sun 14-Feb-21 16:33:05

He wants to see if you're still on a bit of string.

Block him. Also his grammar is shocking. That alone should be enough reason to decline.

BeautifulStar Sun 14-Feb-21 16:35:16

Sounds like he hasn’t found someone better like he thought he would and is getting desperate for a shag. Sorry Op.

MadamBatty Sun 14-Feb-21 17:18:56

He fancies a shag when he feels like it. He’s a ‘tortured soul’ & it’s your job to dry his tears & comfort him. It’s all about meeeeeee

VettiyaIruken Sun 14-Feb-21 17:22:16

Hes most likely hoping you'll let him fuck you.

CagneyNYPD Sun 14-Feb-21 17:28:09

Unfortunately, you have become his BBW (Back Burner Woman). He wants to keep you on his back burner, gently simmering away, until he fancies a shag. Or until he gers dumped by the woman who is currently his main interest.

Lonelyeartsclub Sun 14-Feb-21 18:02:56

What was his reasons for breaking up?

SeaShoreGalore Sun 14-Feb-21 18:16:28

Looks like we'll have dinner together

Strange way of putting it, like you don’t have a say - you’re allowed to say no, you know!

He’s stringing you along. He gets an ego boost from knowing how much you’re into him, but he doesn’t like you enough to go out with you, or he would be going out with you.

Jackie2022 Sun 14-Feb-21 18:17:34

He’s stringing you along until he finds someone else

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