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Can't read the signs are they signs, a woman's perspective please

(18 Posts)
Eyedontknow75 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:16:04

I hear this is the place to come for advice.
I've known a girl for a while and we have always been good friends. We were both in relationships when we met.
We are both single now, and have been for years. Over this time our friendship has developed and like all, or certainly most, opposing gender friendships there is now feelings coming to fruition.
The problem is I don't know if it is one-sided on my part.
We text chat daily. Have so much in common. We laugh constantly when talking. Chats can often go on for hours.
Yes I am incredibly attracted to her and I'm just unsure if the feelings are reciprocated.
Do I risk asking her to go on a proper date?
Or do I say nothing in the hope that something will just happen, and if it doesn't I still get to maintain a great friendship without muddying the water?
The current lockdown situation is making it difficult as obviously we can't meet up at the moment so I'm unable to judge any signs that you would pick up on face to face.
She sends me little gifts in the post and food items on occasion via a delivery service.
I don't want to be left wondering what might have been if she is doing these nice things because she wants me to ask her out, which I do, but I don't want to ruin the relationship we have if all she is doing is being nice.
It is valentine's this week and I'm in two minds as to use this opportunity to send her a card and a gift.
I ponder upon the fact that I am utterly clueless at this moment.

OP’s posts: |
RickiTarr Fri 12-Feb-21 01:22:57

“Gifts and food items” sounds very hopeful.

Send her something nice for valentines without going overboard (no epic handwritten poems for example) and see how it goes from there.

SilverBirchWithout Fri 12-Feb-21 01:26:27

What do you mean by opposite genders? Do you actually mean sex?

Eyedontknow75 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:29:00

RickiTarr thank you. Do you really think the gifts are something? I thought it was just her being her usual nice self. I was considering sending a nice card, nothing overboard just something that says I think about us and maybe some flowers but think the flowers might be a tad on the mushy side.

OP’s posts: |
Eyedontknow75 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:32:35

Yes SilverBirchWithout I mean she is a woman and I am a man. Obviously this can happen with same gender friendships also, but I am relating this to opposing genders as that is what my friend and I are. Apologies if I have unwittingly caused any offence.

OP’s posts: |
RickiTarr Fri 12-Feb-21 01:32:49

Does she send gifts and food items to all her platonic friends? It would seem a bit unusual to do that more than very occasionally.

Sooner or later you’ll have to clarify it somehow otherwise you’ll always wonder, and I don’t believe that stuff about ruining a friendship any more. I think that’s our fear speaking.

Flowers are a great idea.

lionobserving Fri 12-Feb-21 01:32:54


What do you mean by opposite genders? Do you actually mean sex?

Powers of deduction wouldn't go amiss here. Or rather you're hijacking the thread to make a point, when you knew full well what was meant hmm

RickiTarr Fri 12-Feb-21 01:34:08

Safer to “sex” than “gender” here OP. Most (although not all) of us like the scientific approach wink

RiojaRose Fri 12-Feb-21 01:36:38

There are no signs. If you like her, ask her out! If she likes you in that way she’ll go out with you. If she’s not interested in a relationship, respect that and don’t be weird with her.

People have no control over who they’re attracted to. Not you, not her, not anyone. So ask, but be prepared for disappointment. It’s no one’s fault when things don’t go the way you hoped. And if things do work out, that’s a bonus.

Good luck!

Eyedontknow75 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:37:31

RikkiTarr you are correct about the fear. If our friendship is strong enough it should not matter if the feelings are not reciprocated. I think I shall send flowers. If anything they can serve as an act of appreciation for her thoughtful gifts.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:39:04

I think the flowers will be very well received.

RickiTarr Fri 12-Feb-21 01:39:23


RikkiTarr you are correct about the fear. If our friendship is strong enough it should not matter if the feelings are not reciprocated. I think I shall send flowers. If anything they can serve as an act of appreciation for her thoughtful gifts.

That sounds completely appropriate, and hopefully it will help start a conversation.

Good luck! smile

Eyedontknow75 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:42:06

Aquamarine1029 thank you, I shall send flowers. I am possibly thinking too much about it and therefore causing myself to feel odd sending them.

OP’s posts: |
SilverBirchWithout Fri 12-Feb-21 01:44:31

Sorry I didn’t mean to be snippy - it just seemed an odd turn of phrase, and wanted to be clear what the friendship dynamic was.

I would be a bit cautious about taking the friendship further at this stage - friendships in lockdown are a little intense but also vitally important to maintain without blurring boundaries. If you send something specifically for valentines and the friend doesn’t send anything you could feel hurt or a little uncomfortable. I personally would send a ‘non-valentines’ card thanking for the kind gifts and saying how important their friendship is to you. Maybe wait until lockdown is lifted to take it any further it’s much easier to be more subtle face to face to avoid rejection or losing an important friendship.

Eyedontknow75 Fri 12-Feb-21 01:52:37

SilverBirchWithout no reason for you to apologise. I wouldn't be hurt if I was not to receive anything in return. I suppose I am in a quandary, thinking if I don't air my feelings and she is wanting to take things a step further that my silence may frustrate her. Yes that is the angle I have decided upon a non valentines card and flowers to show I appreciate her. This i believe will let her know I am thinking about her and value her.

OP’s posts: |
CatAndHisKit Fri 12-Feb-21 02:25:00

Yes the card should be non-Valentine, or no card at all, just flowers with a little note. Not red roses, though! The idea is to show potential interest but not to be too obvious - and if her reaction is good, you can then step up.

CatAndHisKit Fri 12-Feb-21 02:27:13

I think it's encouraging that yo uchat and laught for HOURS, unlikely with just a friend on such a regular basis. Also good if she maintains a lot of eye contact (as far as yo ucan tell on screen) rather than just laugh away but not linger with that..

CatAndHisKit Fri 12-Feb-21 02:27:46

sorry for typos!

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