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Coming to terms with domestic abuse (Trigger Warning)(2 Posts)
Some years ago now I managed to escape a toxic relationship I had been in for 4 years. I'm now happy, engaged to a wonderful man and have a gorgeous daughter.
But it's only recently become clear just what I lived through - I have blocked it out, minimised it and I'm not sure if it's everything that is coming out in the press with celebs talking about their experiences of abuse...but the reality of what he did to me is hitting and I can't stop thinking about it, I'm having nightmares and I feel so much guilt for his current partner as no doubt he is doing the same to her. I should have warned her...I should have done something...
He would control every aspect of my life, what I wore, who I was friends with, my money, if I disagreed with him on anything he would lock me in a room and shout and scream until I would just give up and give in. He would bully me into doing things sexually I really didn't want to do, Id be crying during it but he didn't seem to care and would just carry on. Fights would get physical...but he would turn it back on me saying it was me who was aggressive, or just that it didn't happen and I was crazy. I spent my life walking on eggshells scared at what he would kick off about next. When I tried to leave he would lock me in, take my keys, purse and shoes and just wear me down for hours on end until I relented and said I would stay. He belittled me, criticised my appearance and even after I managed to leave him he tried to control me and blackmail me for years.
I never talk about any of this and it sometimes seems like it was someone else it happened to. But it wasn't, it was me.
I guess what I'm asking is are there any services I can go to in order to speak to someone and work through some of this? It's been so long and I don't want to take away resource from those going through it now that need help...but I just feel like I need to get all of this out somehow.
I'm so glad you got away, you're previous relationship sounds awful. Maybe your doctor could point you towards suitable counsellors trained in DV? Women's Aid could also help so that you don't fall into the same trap again. Good luck
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