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Loneliness after separation

(506 Posts)
havecourage8bekind Wed 10-Feb-21 14:21:28

I imagine lonliness after separation is normal in any time, but lonliness after separation in a pandemic is horrendous. Anyone else? I spent ten years with someone, and now I'm a single parent who can't even socialise to fill that void/gap. I spend my time googling "how to not feel lonely" and watching all the right YouTube videos, reading uplifting quotes and filling my social media full of positive things...but at the end of the day I feel so crap!! I'm the one that ended the relationship so I think people have stopped checking in, because they think after three months I'm probably feeling better (doesn't help that I tell them I'm okay when we do chat, I suppose!)
Anyone wanna join my lonely girls club lol???

OP’s posts: |
Juststopit Wed 10-Feb-21 14:24:20

Me! Been separated 3 years and divorce finalised this month. Glad to be away from ex but missing my friends so much. I long to give one of them a hug, they were so much support. I have two young kids and the pangs of sheer loneliness are awful 😞

havecourage8bekind Wed 10-Feb-21 14:27:11

@juststopit I'm sorry you're feeling the same but welcome to the club!! grin I bet that's a bit of a relief that your divorce is going to soon be finalised? I've got all that to come...I'm dreading the divorce process!

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Itstimetoquit Wed 10-Feb-21 14:36:52

I'll join,I kicked my ex out 3 weeks ago,I've got 2 kids at home but they do there own thing,I find the evenings are the worst x

havecourage8bekind Wed 10-Feb-21 14:40:52

@itstimetoquit yep evenings are definitely the worst! I keep reading that I need to keep busy to stop feeling lonely...but it makes me feel so sad that I can't even be bothered to concentrate on reading/hobbies/Tele sad

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Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 14:57:27

Goodness I’ll join. Left my horribly lonely marriage in lockdown last year ( we were finished before) thought I’d relish the time on my own as I felt bloody single for years anyway but now I’m struggling!

Ponderinglife123 Wed 10-Feb-21 15:04:07

Feeling lonely in my relationship tbh found out my OH cheated recently and im trying to muddle through my thoughts about wether we should try n make it work or not
..we briefly seperated and the loneliness during lockdown was unbearable but i dnt want to stay for fear of being alone. Sorry if im rambling sorry to see soo many other women feeling the same!

havecourage8bekind Wed 10-Feb-21 15:04:36

@helloandhelloagain I feel like you've taken the words right out of my mouth there! I was looking forward to being on my own and free after an awful marriage where I wasn't happy and felt lonely anyway. I don't miss him, or our relationship....I just miss someone/touch I suppose?! I tried talking to someone new and got ghosted after four weeks so that knocked me a bit. Welcome to the club!!!

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havecourage8bekind Wed 10-Feb-21 15:08:33

@ponderinglife123 I'm sorry he did that to you sad I'm a believer in never going back to a cheat but you gotta do what you think is right. It's always better to be alone than unhappy with someone. X

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Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 15:14:16

The initial lockdown when he moved out gave me time to process it and our 10 year old son who was initially dreading him moving out . So it helped and the heavy atmosphere lifted. However now there’s no choice and with the bloody home learning . My mum passed away after years of illness in December and I just feel sad. I’m coping as long as there’s no pressure put on me.
Which with being a single mum, working during all the pandemic and still now then home learning on my one day off ! ( I know I’m extremely lucky to be in a job ) and every one has it difficult. Sometimes I just want some one for me , to bounce off have a giggle. I came from a very loveless emotionally unavailable husband. Didn’t touch me in anyway for years so I kinda wanna scream!!! And slightly run away 😂

Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 15:16:22

Also I’m not sure how to tag someone’s username! New to this 😂

Ponderinglife123 Wed 10-Feb-21 15:33:39

@Helloandhelloagain just add @ then the username im not very tech savvy either lol @havecourage8bekind i know your right deep down but im just tryin my best to get through this pandemic day to day then see how things go we have a baby together which makes everything soo much were 10 yrs together? We re nearly 20 it feels like your starting your life from day dot doesnt it? X

Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 15:43:05

@havecourage8bekind we were together 15 years altogether! It’s really strange I had nothing to miss in a way as we really really weren’t close but I think a separation of such a long time is like going rounds with Mike Tyson but for months on end. It’s like a grief. I take one day at a time and have had a lot of meltdowns (some in my own head, others outloud) I don’t miss him in any way but I thought for a long time, I wasn’t a touchy feel person and didn’t need anything like affection but I realised I just came conditioned to my situation. If I think of it as starting my life over I get very emotional and overwhelmed, so I change it to I’ve changed an aspect of my life which was hurting me upsetting for my child because I want a healthy happy life and keep that in mind. How old is your child?

Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 15:44:30

Thankyou @Ponderinglife123 . Home learning has frazzled my brain cells 😂

Kimbo180 Wed 10-Feb-21 15:48:31


Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 15:53:41

@Ponderinglife123 sorry to read your situation. My advice is give yourself time and if it was me personally I wouldn’t make a definite decision during this current situation, I stayed because of fear of being lonely/ child etc but time away made me realise i wasn’t happy and couldn’t forgive certain things etc

Chiccie Wed 10-Feb-21 15:53:50

I’ll join please! I’m doing a lot of online exercise classes at the moment which helps. I’ve been lonely for years. This pandemic is crucifying

Ponderinglife123 Wed 10-Feb-21 16:05:34

@Helloandhelloagain this lockdown has done it to me too lol home schooling i salute u on that!

Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 16:07:57

I’m currently making my own medal 🏅to celebrate the onslaught of it

Ponderinglife123 Wed 10-Feb-21 16:09:17

@Chiccie i hear u there i feel like the olderi get the harder its to make new friends

thenextmrsjonsnow Wed 10-Feb-21 16:10:13

Can I join too please? I was divorced a year ago and separated for more than two but this lockdown has been the loneliest one so far. I miss my friends and adult company. I miss the freedom of being able to plan stuff like trips.

Ponderinglife123 Wed 10-Feb-21 16:11:08

@Helloandhelloagain well deserved for patience and not having a mental breakdown😂my booze is my weekly medal lol

Helloandhelloagain Wed 10-Feb-21 16:24:21

@Ponderinglife123 ha ha! I just feel like I’m back at primary school. My son is not and independent learner he constantly has too be pushed. So draining!

Beachtrip Wed 10-Feb-21 16:29:13

Terribly lonely.
Recent relationship just failed (ghosted but that's a different thread) but in the aftermath of that, I lost a close friend last year and I too just find the evenings deeply lonely and I dread them.

Finding the days long and stressful with 2 primary kids. Their dad (we split 5 years ago) is still useless and doesn't help.

Riser Wed 10-Feb-21 16:47:38

Can I join? Split up with dh in October. Now dealing with loneliness through lockdown especially when the kids are with him.

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