Hi all, long time Mumsnet user but have NCed for this as I think some of the details might be outing if pieced together with the rest of my posting history.
I have been dating for 6 months the nicest man ever. We used to work together but he quit his job right before the pandemic hit and he has been looking for work for a year now. He is 45, separated 18 months ago, with two DC (8 and 12). He has his DC 50% of the time and an amicable relationship with the ex wife.
For context, I am 30, never married, no DC, with a decent career in HR.
He is hands on the funniest, most caring, sexiest man I have ever been with. As I have been furloughed until recently, we spent a lot of our free time together just chilling, cooking, watching movies and going for walks. I know I am falling in love with him and he said he feels the same. We are honestly on cloud 9 when we are together, I have never felt like this about anyone before.
However, now that we have been dating for a while, there are a couple of things that make me hesitant about the long-term prospects of our relationship:
- The fact that he has DC and doesn't want anymore, whilst I am still on the fence on the topic. I have never dated anyone with DC before so I am not sure how that'd work.
- The fact that he seems to bend over forward for his ex-wife whenever she clicks her fingers. They are good friends, which I am sure is a positive thing for the kids, but sometimes their relationship makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure about where I stand as they still seem to be so close.
- The fact that he has now been unemployed for a year and doesn't seem to have a solid plan in place to get out of the situation, besides applying for a few jobs every week. His field is not in great demand, and his job history is spotty as he was a professional sports coach for 10 years, until he joined his ex wife's company in a admin support role (that's the job he quit last year). He is still doing ok money wise as he has a big lump sum he got upon selling the marital home last year, but I have no idea how long that will last.
I swing between feeling madly in love with this wonderful man and feeling sick with worry that I am wasting my time on an impossible relationship. I wonder what kind of future is possible with someone with such different and complex personal circumstances.
Am I worrying for nothing? Should I just just enjoy the relationship for as long as it lasts? Or should I seriously reconsider having a future with this man?