Are there any men who don't cheat....

[Manda2725]

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

[Manda2725]

Excuse the predictive text.... That meant to say *women not wen

[spongebobscaredypants]

All I can say is that you'll never ever know, my DH who I NEVER in a million years suspected, not once, he always dictated such strong moral on the subject cheater. It's 3 weeks tomorrow and the longest, hardest of my life. I trusted him implicitly and never ever will I be in that position again, I will always now sleep woth one eye open as they say

[IEat]

Of course there are ...somewhere

[Windmillwhirl]

I have nursed too many friends through heartbreak over cheating partners and at times over the years my own to disagree that given the chance many will.

I await to be slated for this response.

I would like to think my partner would not cheat, but we can never really know what someone else is capable of can we?

[Manda2725]

It's just depressing now.... Every single man I've dated has cheated without fail and none of them had any reason. Well any reason that they told me about. Intild the guy that messages me just to be single and he actually thought it was funny.....
But I know there are women out there too that would have done differently and have met him regardless of his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm getting more bitter and twisted the older I get. Maybe life is better alone, no worrying about cheating, no stressing about if they are happy etc.
I just wish my feelings of wanting ilmy happy ever after off....would be so much easier lol

[Manda2725]

@spongebobscaredypants I'm so sorry to hear that. I didn't ever expect my childrens father too either. Nor did he apparently lol

[Manda2725]

@IEat I'm still hoping aimlessly

[Manda2725]

@Windmillwhirl me too. Don't think I'll ever fully trust anyone anymore... Sad to say really

[Mum4Fergus]

I'd like to think that DH wouldn't...would I bet my house on it, probably not.

[GappyValley]

Like windmill I have lost count of how many friends I’ve now seen go through discovering affairs

And despite the MN diktat, I’m as disgusted in the horrible women who willingly, knowingly sleep with married men as I am with the piece of shit men who cheat

Affairs will keep happening as long as grim women keep agreeing to them. Scumbags all round

[Manda2725]

@GappyValley totally agree. The guy that messaged me is in a new relationship and literally openly admitted it then chatted me up. Its disgusting. So many women wouldn't give a damn. I would never do that to another woman.... Totally off putting on my book.

[Manda2725]

@Mum4Fergus I hope you have one of the good ones as they say x

[evouk]

All men cheat and look at porn 24/7, didn't you know that?

[StillWeRise]

@Mum4Fergus

I'd like to think that DH wouldn't...would I bet my house on it, probably not.

well I kind of HAVE bet my house on it...I jointly own a house with DP.
I do believe there are plenty of men who don't cheat. This 'all men do it' is just an excuse scumbags give because they haven't the moral fibre to behave decently. You don't like your relationship, fine you are not obliged to stay in it but DON'T LIE.

[snowy0wl]

I’m so sorry you have been so unlucky. Perhaps I am unusual, but none of my family and friends’ partners have cheated on them.

I guess I am posting this to give you some hope that there are good guys out there.

[StillWeRise]

ditto porn
No, not all men use porn. My DF and DP definitely didn't/don't.

[Windmillwhirl]

I had a LDR with a man years ago. We lived in different countries so it wasnt overly serious but I was faithful and not seeing anyone he told me he wasnt either. It eventually fizzled out when I met someone. Years later when I was single we hooked up again and had a great year meeting up in lovely places. Over time I got suspicious of a few things. He never invited me to his house, though at times he did visit mine, his clothes were always ironed when he took them out of his suitcase ... one day I sent him a message on whatsapp and asked him outright if he was living with someone.

I could see he read the message and started typing a response but then stopped. I knew he stopped to think.

He eventually did reply that yes he was but it wasnt what I though it was. I asked if she knew about me. He replied "I dont think so" I replied in that case it is exactly what I think it is.

To this day I'm pretty sure she has no idea what he was up to.

He didnt feel bad about what he'd done to either of us.

[happinessischocolate]

I've been single for 10 years and the propositions I've had through fb from dads from school is staggering.

So many men seem to think that if you're single you must be up for it, one even offered on the basis of a free service as I obviously needed it 😲

Having said that, 2 female friends were the ones who had affairs and left their husbands so I've seen it from the other side to.

No advice, as I've been single for 10 years and can't even be arsed with tinder.

[Windmillwhirl]

But of course not all men cheat. That's unfair. I think some people, men and women, don't care about hurting others and they are the ones that will cheat with little thought to it.

[Littlefluffyclouds13]

I really don't think my dh would ever cheat, primarily because he was incredibly awkward about sex before he was with me and didn't ever feel comfortable with anyone else.
He still is very socially awkward in lots of ways (thanks to adhd!) and really does view me as the only one who gets him, his soul mate.
He also sobs every year, without fail, when watching the scene in love actually where Emma Thompson's character realises her dh is cheating
BUT I'm not totally naive, he totally adores me (and I him) but I wouldn't ever say he 100% wouldn't cheat, I'd just describe him as a very unlikely contender!!

[SpilltheTea]

MN makes me feel like all men do or will at some point. You'd have to be pure scum to do that to someone.

[BigFatLiar]

You're in the wrong place to ask that. Lots of MumsNetters will come down hard on the side of all men cheat. Remember MN is a very skewed cross section of women I don't believe my OH would, he's very wary of women in general. An afternoon on the allotment is his idea of excitement.

Few of my friends have husbands who are anything other than family men, spending there time outside work with family.

[Alienchannell21]

I don't know any men that have cheated (maybe they haven't got caught) within my close circle of friends and family members who are married (approx 20 couples).

[chickenninja]

I agree that MN will give you a very skewed answer!
To my knowledge, my dad never cheated on my mum. My FIL has never cheated on MIL. Both long marriages.
I believe my DH has never cheated on me so it's not all guys.
Actually my ex never cheated on me either, we just went our separate ways so no, it's not every man.

[EarthSight]

There definitely are, of course! However, sometimes things are complicated. You can have a man who is totally faithful but is a horrible grump to live with or who's abusive.

Here are some of the reasons men cheat, if it helps to profile them in future -

Self esteem issues - they need to feel like they still 'have it' and need to feel chased by women to feel good about the selves. Thdy may have been unpopukar jn their youths and have been tryinf to make up for their insecuritiea ever since. Massive liability.

Inability/unwillingness to deal with conflict - they don't want to upset their partner, don't want conflict, don't want to discuss the ways they feel unfulfilled in the relationship so they let the relationship go on and on until they finally meet someone that looks promising. As their current relationship provides them with the comfort they need, they only make the jump when they have to or when the other woman demands it

Greed

Entitlement & ego - they have a flash car and fancy the selves as a good looking 50 year old. They are bored with their wife who have spent decades raising a family with them and end up trading her for a younger model, someone who looks up to them, looks good on their arm and makes them feel young. I have noticed many times that these younger wives seem to be around 15 year younger, usually.

They entered the relationship and are quite happy to have a marriage of convenience until someone better comes along

They are simply not suited for monogamy but fail to let their wives have the same option of being in an open relationship

Revenge - they do it to humiliate their partner