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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ask bf to come on my mortgage with me? Bad idea?

33 replies

2021vibes · 06/02/2021 16:28

I have been trying for a year to get my stbxh name off my mortgage as he's moved out 18 months ago. Because I don't earn as much, the bank won't let me. Its meaning stbxh is renting but is wanting off ASAP so he can buy his own place.
My bf (of around 14 months) is in a good financial position and owns a few properties already.
Would it be the worst idea in the world to ask him to swap into my mortgage to help me out for a few years until such times as the bank will let me take it on in my own (ie I get a decent full time job, just lost job due to covid)
Bad idea?

OP posts:

Report

MaLarkinn · 06/02/2021 16:29

Terrible idea.

PotteringAlong · 06/02/2021 16:29

Yes, really bad idea.

HighSpecWhistle · 06/02/2021 16:31

Yes bad idea. If you do decide to do it, make sure it's written up that the equity in the house is yours up until that point (get a valuation).

But, doesn't your stbxh want his equity?

2021vibes · 06/02/2021 16:33

Yes I will be able to take out a loan for his share.
But I need his name off first as that will be more debt to my name.
I wouldn't expect bf to pay a penny towards repayments btw just put his name on?

OP posts:

KihoBebiluPute · 06/02/2021 16:34

It would tie you to him indefinitely, the relationship could break down at any point and it could get very messy.

Better options you might be able to explore - sell up and downgrade to something your income and capital can sustain, or ask your parents (if they are able to) to become part-owners with you on the mortgage.

2021vibes · 06/02/2021 16:36

My parents aren't in any position to help unfortunately, I do have another option with my little brother.
He will want to buy his own place in a few years though so will need off.
I see what you mean there about being tied to him

OP posts:

cabbageking · 06/02/2021 16:38

He should invest equally if going into the mortgage.

Get a valuation before and get proper advice. You need to cover yourself for the worse scenario and not leave yourself vulnerable.

Dazedandconfused10 · 06/02/2021 17:03

Your brother is he is a ftb would lose that benefit going on your mortgage.

CoronaIsWatching · 06/02/2021 17:07

No I don't think it's a good idea to let your bf of 14 months loose on your house deeds. I wouldn't class 14 months as a long term relationship, you will likely split up within the next year or two and will have to fork out for more fees to sort it all out

GeorgeTheFirst · 06/02/2021 17:13

The thing is it isn't just the mortgage, it's the ownership of the house. You have the mortgage (a debt) and you have the house (an asset). It is likely that if your boyfriend goes on the mortgage debt it will be a requirement that he is also put on the house deeds. Therefore you are sharing your biggest asset with him. Think very carefully and get advice.

sunnyzweibrucken · 06/02/2021 17:34

I would be worried if your boyfriend of fourteen months actually did this. Terrible idea.

Elieza · 06/02/2021 17:45

You need to either get a second job or a better paying main job in order to get the mortgage you need alone, or sell your house and buy a smaller one. The latter would be my choice.

Don’t let anyone come in with you. Youve seen how hard it is to get them off the mortgage already. And you could have problems youve not even dreamed about in future which someone else being on the mortgage could make things worse.

You are independent now. Time to make some difficult choices. You still have options. Don’t get in over your head though. A smaller mortgage would be a more sensible choice just now. You can always move later on.

SimonJT · 06/02/2021 18:26

Absolutely not, you need to be very very careful who you share a mortgage with, especially when you have children.

My partner lives with me and my son, he is not on my mortgage and he won’t be until we get married.

HighSpecWhistle · 07/02/2021 20:56

@2021vibes

Yes I will be able to take out a loan for his share.
But I need his name off first as that will be more debt to my name.
I wouldn't expect bf to pay a penny towards repayments btw just put his name on?

You may find that he owns half your house so he will definitely need to contribute.

Speak to a mortgage broker. You don't want to be left in the shitter if the relationship breaks down and he wants half of your house.

Also, I'd be surprised if your stbxh is happy to sign away his equity before he gets money. What guarantees do you have that you'll get a loan? How will you repay it?

I'm sorry to say I think this all sounds like a bad idea as it's high risk for all of you. In my opinion the best thing to do would be sell up. Take your half and rent until you're ready to buy again.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 07/02/2021 21:18

I've still got my XH on my mortgage and deeds even after divorcing and being with DP for 8 years! We've talked about what you suggest, but tbh I'm ok with having my XH on there for now, as he has a moral obligation to keep the roof over his DCs heads and if he didn't he knows we'd have to move and spend 3 x as much on rent as I do on the mortgage.

He doesn't pay anything, its in name only, but I'm more comfortable with him on it than DP purely because if DP and I split up I could end up homeless, even if he didn't own any equity in the house, he could refuse to be 'guarantor' on the mortgage any more and I'd have burned my bridge with the ex at that point.

I'd say, while there's no burning platform forcing you to get the ex off the mortgage, work your way towards a better salary yourself rather than shifting your dependence from one man to another. My DP charmingly said to me at one point "If you've got to be indebted to some cock, it might as well be me as him!" but as he already has his own home this would count as a second home and cost more, so we've just left it as it is, for those reasons.

carly2803 · 07/02/2021 22:04

no way, sorry but thats a really stupid idea- if you do and you have kids aswell you are clinically insaine!

go see a mortgage broker and have a chat!

2021vibes · 08/02/2021 09:34

@MarkRuffaloCrumble that makes sense.
The thing that's bothering me is that exh wouldn't be able to go and take another mortgage being tied into this one?
Even if I give him his equity as a deposit. Haven't looked into this in any detail yet.
Also because I'll need to take a personal loan out for his share, when the time comes to try and take the mortgage on alone, there will be yet another debt against my name for the lender to put against me iyswim
Does anyone know if in theory exh could go and get a second mortgage with his name being on this one?

OP posts:

GeorgeTheFirst · 12/02/2021 15:59

In theory a person can have their name on more than one mortgage, because if they have a high income they may have the income to support two large debts, so they may be accepted by a lender to have more than one mortgage. In practice very few people are in this financial position and I expect your ex would not be.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/02/2021 16:14

I wouldn't expect bf to pay a penny towards repayments btw just put his name on?

It doesn't matter what you'd expect, OP; if you default on the payments and he's on the mortgage the lenders would go after him just the same

It's a terrible idea for all the reasons PPs have given, but it's a terrible one for him too - and if he agrees to it that's a major red flag in itself

Aprilx · 12/02/2021 16:23

I am always puzzled when people talk about the mortgage and never mention the deeds. They are two separate things. OP, it would be fabulous for you if he went on your mortgage, but idiotic for him to agree to be on a mortgage but not the deeds, whether you expect him to pay anything or not.

girlofnow · 12/02/2021 16:29

You'd have to do a transfer of equity to remove your ex and add him on. He has to be on the deeds as co owner of the house. A mortgage is a secured debt against an asset - or the property. You can't have a mortgage when you don't own the asset.

Mamagotskills · 12/02/2021 16:32

Crazy idea. For both of you.

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Chloemol · 12/02/2021 16:44

Very bad idea, he could walk away with half your house!

jimmyjammy001 · 12/02/2021 17:30

Have you even asked your new partner if he will go onto your mortgage? Even if he does he then legally becomes owner of said house and could quote easily screw you over to the tune of 50% of the equity in the house and can go through the courts to get it sold worse case scenario, if you can't afford the mortgage now the only thing to do is sell up.

ChristmasFluff · 12/02/2021 19:16

Sell your house. I'm sorry, it's the only way.

Anything else is out of the frying pan and into the fire. Use your share of the equity on a new place

Flip

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