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Are they playing some sort of weird game?

(204 Posts)
NewYearDahlia Tue 02-Feb-21 10:40:11

I recently found out that DH has a long-standing friendship (I'm talking years) with a woman and I knew nothing about the friendship. DH tells me there's nothing to worry about.
Unfortunately I am beginning to think there's much more to it that I don't understand. Looking through the photos on my phone, I took a photo of DH on a coach we were on waiting to leave the airport the last holiday before lockdown. In the background through the opposite window I can see her sitting on the next fucking coach to ours. She's in profile, looking down at her phone, it's definitely her. At the time I took the photo, DH was also on his phone - it's in his hand. It looks like he was having a messenger conversation but the image is blurry.

I know some people are going to think I'm trolling but I can assure you this situation I'm in is horribly true - so much that it's made me feel very anxious because I don't know what's going on. I'm not going to ask him about this photo - we've had the chat about the friendship and he's adamant nothing is going on.

I know at one point she had access to the photos on his old phone because he gave it to her and it was updating despite him saying he thought he'd reset it. I'm now wondering if they shared location via this phone.

I didn't see her on the plane nor in the airport, nor during the holiday.
Just wondering if anyone knows if this is a thing - like, do two people who maybe 'like' one another do 'naughty' little things - like booking the same holidays - as fucked up as it sounds - for the kick of it?

OP’s posts: |
2typesofjungle Tue 02-Feb-21 10:43:06

The friendship alone is a bit of a worry, but this is crazy. You must be struggling to belive it, but I believe you. Christ.
How is your relationship otherwise? Do you want to dig in to this and try to work it out and save the relationship or perhaps look at whether you want out?

Itstimetoquit Tue 02-Feb-21 10:45:14

Omg that's strange,I would show him and ask for an explanation x

mnahmnah Tue 02-Feb-21 10:56:41

When you were on that holiday, were you together all the time, or were there occasions he may have gone to meet her?

Appledrop Tue 02-Feb-21 11:04:06

Why would your OH have hidden this so called friendship from you in the first place? That alone sounds suspect to me as surely if it was a genuine friendship then their would be nothing to hide surely? And if the rest of what you say is true about the holiday then that's messed up. If I were you I'd start looking into this a lot more as I'd want to know exactly what the heck was going on between the pair of them.

NewYearDahlia Tue 02-Feb-21 11:04:07

I don't know what I want. Well I know that I just want what most people want - a life that doesn't involve worrying about odd fucking events regarding your partner.

There were a couple of times I stayed at the beach and DH left to go back to the hotel room, but it was probably an hour at most. A couple of times he'd nip to the shop but that was only 10 minutes. I don't remember feeling that anything was odd at all.

OP’s posts: |
NewYearDahlia Tue 02-Feb-21 11:08:59

First thing I thought when he exclaimed that they were friends - WTF haven't we been out with her and her OH then (although I know she was single when they first met)? He's all over me like a rash the minute my phone pings, asking who it is, and it's only usually a handful of people who contact me anyway.

OP’s posts: |
Santaiscovidfree Tue 02-Feb-21 11:11:46

Can you see his phone bills?

PussGirl Tue 02-Feb-21 11:20:44

"odd fucking events" - quite - he was "only" at the hotel for an hour

this sounds very odd & suspicious to me

sorry OP sad

StarsonaString Tue 02-Feb-21 12:56:22

Completely bizarre. Have you seen his messages to her at the time?

frozendaisy Tue 02-Feb-21 13:00:05

Next time he asked who's messaging? Snap back who's messaged you today?

FossilisedFanny Tue 02-Feb-21 13:24:19

So do you think he and this friend planned for her to go on the same holiday as you? Who even does that?

NewYearDahlia Tue 09-Feb-21 13:13:14

FossilisedFanny

So do you think he and this friend planned for her to go on the same holiday as you? Who even does that?

This is initially what I thought. But I think I got it the wrong way round.

I think he booked our holiday to coincide with a resort he knew she would be at. (It was a last minute type thing that he booked).

I've been thinking more about the holiday since discovering the photo and I remember thinking that he did seem a little overly interested in a beach-side private property we could see from where we were on the beach. He would comment about how it would be good to rent for the week, great for groups, etc. He commented more than once about it. I was a bit perplexed as it didn't look anything particularly special to me, surrounded by noisy bars, which I know he hates at night time.

Later during our holiday it was apparent the place had been let by a group of women. I just thought it was probably a hen party trip and thought no more of it.

I'm not sure why anyone would do that (i.e. book a holiday with your wife while secretly knowing someone else is going to be in the same resort) let alone him. It's not like he'd get any opportunity to spend any time with her?!

OP’s posts: |
NewYearDahlia Tue 09-Feb-21 13:15:41

StarsonaString

Completely bizarre. Have you seen his messages to her at the time?

No. He changed his phone in between then and now.

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Tue 09-Feb-21 13:23:02

I still don’t understand why you can’t ask him about it?

If you refuse to do so, then I’m not sure there is much to be done?

HmmSureJan Tue 09-Feb-21 13:26:07

He clearly booked the holiday to be in close proximity to her. The times he disappeared on holiday he was probably contacting her trying to meet up but she was probably busy with her friends and from the sounds of it not bothered about meeting up with him. If she'd been more available I think it's likely he'd have fancied going off for some long walks alone and would have found ways to make that happen. It sounds quite one sided (his) and he sounds absolutely pathetic. I couldn't be attracted to him anymore.

TheChip Tue 09-Feb-21 13:26:29

Could he have been stalking her under the guise of a holiday for the both of you?

NewYearDahlia Tue 09-Feb-21 13:26:48

Bluntness100

I still don’t understand why you can’t ask him about it?

If you refuse to do so, then I’m not sure there is much to be done?

Before I discovered this photo, I had already asked him about the friendship. He swore to me that there's nothing to be worried about. I can't keep bringing it up.

OP’s posts: |
Fauvist Tue 09-Feb-21 13:28:46

I would just show him the photo and say 'would you like to tell me anything about this?'

I think you will know from his reaction whether or not it is a concern, regardless of what he actually says.

Bluntness100 Tue 09-Feb-21 13:29:46

I can't keep bringing it up

Why not? What would happen if you did?

I would. I’d simply say I’ve spotted this, it’s very odd, did you know? And see his reaction. No way I’d let that go

TheChip Tue 09-Feb-21 13:30:40

Yeah, just say "have you seen this? I've spotted your friend. Did you know she was there when we were there? What a coincidence!"

Hailtomyteeth Tue 09-Feb-21 13:34:55

Don't mention it. Keep searching, stay alert. Avoid sex. He's cheating.

Jasmin3Tea Tue 09-Feb-21 13:48:19

Not sure how you are resisting the urge to ask him... I'd have had him blindfolded by now, in a stress-position in a corner of the room playing white noise at full volume whilst I prepared my interrogation. Show him the pic innocently proclaiming "isn't this your bff?" Note his reaction.

Beforethetakingoftoastandtea Tue 09-Feb-21 13:48:46

It's not like he'd get any opportunity to spend any time with her?!
Snatched, exciting moments. Inky being an hour means nothing.

BibbityBobbety Tue 09-Feb-21 16:23:34

Just show him the photo and ask him. Watch his reaction. What is the alternative - to be worried and anxious for the rest of your life? Or are you scared to find out the truth..?

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