I tried to leave OH last night and ended up back home!

Who owns the home?
Are you married?
If you rent, who is in the rental agreement.

Yes you need to end this toxic relationship

For now I'd keep my head down and phone Womens aid. Start getting paperwork together, make sure your finances are separate and also look for another rented house. Can you also stay with any family?

Why would you have to leave your job? I think keep it, so you have your independence.

Leaving an abusive relationship is a reason to break lockdown, is there any family or friends you could stay with temporarily while you sort things out?

That was likely deliberate on his part too re not being married and the house being rented in his sole name. He would remain financially responsible for his children going forward so I would put in a CMS claim asap. Also have a look at www.entitledto.co.uk/

Do indeed talk to Womens Aid today.

If at all possible keep your job too. You need financial independence.

Hopefully they will find a refuge place for you ASAP.

I have no advice other than keep safe.

Can you leave when he's at work. Do you have friends you can stay with.

How old are your children? Does he work?

Keep your job, is it his car? I can’t believe he took you off, do you need it.

Please do not rely on suppositions re refuges. Get hard facts instead and directly from Womens Aid re refuges.

Can you go to Boots this morning or at lunchtime and ask for ANI?. The staff there will help you access domestic violence support services.

Why doesn't he work, is he on furlough.

@tiredandfrumpy That is correct that the rent in a refuge is approx. £200pw for 1 room, would be more if you are a family.
But depending on your income you might get help with that.

Refuges generally like you to be out of your home town so depending on your job can you do it anywhere?
There is the option to go off sick for now while you sort things out.

Ring the police today as he assaulted you.
You could also try speaking to your local council and seeing if you can go into homeless accommodation but most is B&B and too be honest you'd be better off in a refuge with the kids.

So he doesnt care about you or the kids, just that he wont have any money? So we know why he wants you dont we.

Do not give him your bank card or leave it unattended, dont give him any money and if he knows your online banking details change them.

You've got this, you can do it.

Are all your birth certificates/passports somewhere you can grab them?
What about other personal paperwork?

No advice to offer but wanted to give you a handhold ❤️ If you can hold onto your job I think it would give you financially security.
Echoing others, contact Woman’s Aid, you sound a strong woman, who has come to the end of her tether xx

Threatening to kill themselves is a manipulative tactic often used by abusive men to keep their target i.e you here in line. He won't do that and he is not going to let go of you at all easily. All this BS from him now is all a part of not wanting to let you go that easily if at all. If you went then he would have to put the work in to find another woman (and such men do hate women, ALL of them) to look after him.

It sounds like you’re thinking clearly, OP. Please don’t give up your job if you can possibly avoid it - you will need the income. But it might make sense to take some emergency leave while you sort this out. Hopefully your employer is approachable and you can explain what’s going on. Once you have spoken to Women’s Aid and are in a refuge, you can review the financial position.

My ex would threaten to kiko himself? Did he? Did he fuck. After 23 years of being with me, he had a new girlfriend in less than three months! The suicide trope is just another way of control. Make your plans and get away, it’s fabulous on the other side.

Housing benefit would cover all or some of the cost re rent in a refuge so do not let this prevent you either from leaving your abuser.

Also, have you got a sympathetic boss to speak to so you can have a bit of time off as compassionate leave to sort stuff or see the Doctor to sign you off, just to give you space ?

Can you phone the police?

Sort out the car insurance & add your name or take out your own insurance

Claim universal credit as a single parent

Separate finances, your own bank accounts

Take control

Buy yourself a back up charger & one for the car

He is an adult, he can fend for himself !