Talk

Advanced search

I need help processing wtf just happened

(463 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Coffeetableconundrum Tue 26-Jan-21 20:39:55

NC for this, I’m so confused and bewildered.
My wonderful, loving, perfect DP of 3 years and I just got into what I thought was a silly joke argument about something tiny. I was laughing away, and tickling him, and next thing he was holding on really tight to my wrists and asking me the same question again and again. Suddenly I was afraid, and stopped laughing and told him he was frightening me and answered his question.
He immediately started to apologise and told me he didn’t know why he’d got so worked up and he should have just explained he hadn’t found it funny, etc etc. I couldn’t stop crying and told him I didn’t understand what had just happened. He kept asking me to forgive him and then said he thought he was about to pass about, before collapsing on the floor. He was pale and clammy, and out of it for about 10 seconds. I’ve never seen that happen before.
When he came to and felt a bit better I asked him to leave, which he did without any problems, apologising again and saying he didn’t understand why he had reacted in the way he had and asking to speak to me tomorrow.
I have no idea what to think. I can’t reconcile the loving, supportive person who feels like home with what just happened. It came out of no-where. But I was genuinely afraid. Is that how it starts?
Please please please can I have a handhold.

OP’s posts: |
Fressia123 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:44:47

I think he had some sort of attack. Are there any MH past issues?

Timmytoo Tue 26-Jan-21 20:45:30

It could be that he felt overwhelmed and had a mild panic attack. It doesn't mean he's become abusive but men are human too. Not making excuses for him but i get like that when my DP tickles me and doesn't stop. I laugh but it's not out of fun. Luckily he realized and stopped and hasn't done it again.

BlueTimes Tue 26-Jan-21 20:45:32

What was he doing whilst you were tickling him? What question was he repeatedly asking you?

DoctorManhattan Tue 26-Jan-21 20:47:14

If there was a pattern of this I’d say run for the hills, but the unexpected nature of it along with him being pale, clammy, collapsing - was he having some kind of episode? It doesn’t make it right but would go some way to explain why he was so suddenly acting out of character. Has he been behaving normally otherwise?

Aquamarine1029 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:50:07

It sounds like he possibly had a panic attack. Has he ever been aggressive before? What was the question?

Narniacalling Tue 26-Jan-21 20:51:45

Personally I would rather someone hit me than tickled me.
I mean do you often tickle him. I find it horrendous and if someone did it to me, they probably will end up getting hurt

WINKINGatyourage Tue 26-Jan-21 20:54:43

Sorry- someone passed out in your house and you didn’t call an ambulance? confused

blackcat86 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:56:25

Well what he does next will tell you a lot. If I had some sort of episode where I had frightened my partner, my first action in the morning would be a phone call to the GP. If he doesn't do that then I honestly wouldn't rule out him having faked it or had a mild panic attack.

whenthestarsgoblue Tue 26-Jan-21 20:57:06

I'd be more concerned about what happened to him! Pinning down In a play fight in a complete one off and doesn't constitute abuse in my eyes.
It sounds like he was quite poorly! He probably should get checked out!

Coffeetableconundrum Tue 26-Jan-21 20:57:50

He does have a history of depression (as do I) and has also had panic attacks in the past; I’ve witnessed one. He currently takes anti-depressant medication.
What set this all off was so minor... I made a joke about him having been ‘bad’ recently, having sent a message to someone online that I thought was a bit cheeky/rude. He kept demanding to know if I’d told my parents about it (which I hadn’t, why would I?) I kept joking around saying ‘Maybe I did... if you don’t want them to know, does that mean you accept you were a bit rude?’ He just kept asking me ‘Have you told them? Have you?’ until it suddenly felt serious and scary and I said ‘No, of course not, why would I?’
Nothing like this has ever happened before. I can’t stop crying.

OP’s posts: |
ProudAuntie76 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:58:36

My father has been diabetic since he was 40. This was one of the first signs. Rages, coldness, clamminess, shaking. He was very placid but when his sugars were all over the place he’d be violent and argumentative.

Craftycorvid Tue 26-Jan-21 20:58:43

That sounds shocking and frightening. Hope you’re ok. I wonder if he had some kind of panic attack/dissociative episode, especially as he physically collapsed. Hope you are both ok, and I think he could do with getting checked over medically. Only you know if this is so wildly out of character that you feel you can discount abusive behaviour.

Starsandsparkle01 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:59:02

The physical symptoms and by the sounds of it unusual behaviour would make me think there is something more to it then just him having a go like others have said it sounds like he may have had a panic attack or episode of some sort. Sending you a handhold as it sounds like you were scared by it but I think he may need your support or a conversation about what happened.

Someone1987 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:59:14

Perhaps what you did triggered him badly of something in his past?

YummyBelicious Tue 26-Jan-21 20:59:24

I think you maybe goaded him too much and made him feel really stressed. I wouldn't like to be teased like that X

ProudAuntie76 Tue 26-Jan-21 20:59:38

Citalopram affected my blood sugar temporarily and I once had a violent outburst, which was most unlike me too.

RogueV Tue 26-Jan-21 21:00:07

I’m sorry but it sounds like you overreacted

Timeforredwine Tue 26-Jan-21 21:00:16

Something clearly not right with that episode. He needs to get checked by a doctor. Could possibly be a panic attack.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 26-Jan-21 21:00:26

What set this all off was so minor... I made a joke about him having been ‘bad’ recently, having sent a message to someone online that I thought was a bit cheeky/rude. He kept demanding to know if I’d told my parents about it

Well, that changes things. He's been up to no good and he freaked out about it, it seems. Who is this "someone?" Another woman?

Someone1987 Tue 26-Jan-21 21:00:33

Just read your post OP. Was this message flirty to a woman?

Coffeetableconundrum Tue 26-Jan-21 21:00:57

Sorry, to clarify re: tickling - I poked him in the side twice, that’s all I meant by that. He does not like to be tickled and we have spoken about it in the past; I have taken that on board and do not do it anymore.
@WINKINGatyourage - he came round so quickly and seemed fine. I got him a glass of water and he sat on the floor until he felt better. Then he left for his place, which is less than a 5 minute walk away.

OP’s posts: |
whenthestarsgoblue Tue 26-Jan-21 21:01:14

With the update I don't understand your behaviour. You were goading him, when he was upset about your parents possibly knowing? And tickling him and it was stressing him out - I honestly think it's triggered something as people don't collapse and shake over nothing. I'd be tempted to get him to call 111 and ask advice on being checked over.

itsbiganditsorange Tue 26-Jan-21 21:02:35

Coffeetableconundrum

He does have a history of depression (as do I) and has also had panic attacks in the past; I’ve witnessed one. He currently takes anti-depressant medication.
What set this all off was so minor... I made a joke about him having been ‘bad’ recently, having sent a message to someone online that I thought was a bit cheeky/rude. He kept demanding to know if I’d told my parents about it (which I hadn’t, why would I?) I kept joking around saying ‘Maybe I did... if you don’t want them to know, does that mean you accept you were a bit rude?’ He just kept asking me ‘Have you told them? Have you?’ until it suddenly felt serious and scary and I said ‘No, of course not, why would I?’
Nothing like this has ever happened before. I can’t stop crying.

What is his relationship like with his own parents? Does he get on with yours, or does he feel that they don't like him for some reason?

I can't help wondering whether this was something to do with him being terrified of being in trouble - did he have a happy childhood or is there a possiblilty that he was abused as a child?

Honeyroar Tue 26-Jan-21 21:02:44

Are you not worried that he was ill when you threw him out?

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in