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DP won't see me due to DD

(546 Posts)
Potplant32 Tue 26-Jan-21 09:12:43

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

OP’s posts: |
Nousernamesleftatall Tue 26-Jan-21 09:14:54

Send your Dd to school. If his child currently has Covid he is being an idiot.

RainbowRaine Tue 26-Jan-21 09:17:46

DD comes first
He is making you choose between what is nest for your child and what is best for him.

RainbowRaine Tue 26-Jan-21 09:18:06

*best not nest

Changedforthisyear Tue 26-Jan-21 09:19:26

I’d bin him OP, he sounds like a cockwomble grin

JudgeRindersMinder Tue 26-Jan-21 09:19:58

You really need to ask?

Haggisfish Tue 26-Jan-21 09:20:36

Agree with others. Dd comes first. He’s a knob.

Beamur Tue 26-Jan-21 09:20:46

I'd put your DD's needs first.

LadyWhistledownthe1st Tue 26-Jan-21 09:21:07

What is the question?

Your DD is going to school so you aren’t going to see your DP for a while.... and???

Justcallmebebes Tue 26-Jan-21 09:21:33

No brainer surely? What do your friends and family say and what do you think?

CrystalMaisie Tue 26-Jan-21 09:21:53

No brainer, send dd to school.

MrsMercedes Tue 26-Jan-21 09:21:54

I think you know the answer!

The real issue here is you are with a partner who dismisses your child this easily

TwelvePaws Tue 26-Jan-21 09:22:11

Your daughter should take priority, no question.

Potplant32 Tue 26-Jan-21 09:23:09

My friends and family agree that I should be sending DD in but DP was so cross and made me feel like I was being so unreasonable that I really wanted to get some impartial advice.

OP’s posts: |
PlanDeRaccordement Tue 26-Jan-21 09:23:38

Your DD has to come first. She can’t replace lost years of education. But if you have a strong relationship with your DP, he and you can handle months to a year being apart. Just treat it like a temporary LDR.

dementedpixie Tue 26-Jan-21 09:23:51

So if his dd has got covid then she isn't going to get it from your dd so what's the problem?

Send your dd to school. Bin the idiot

RainbowRaine Tue 26-Jan-21 09:23:57


Thurlow Tue 26-Jan-21 09:25:08

He's being a twat. Your DD's education is far more important.

Catwoman123 Tue 26-Jan-21 09:25:21

Are you really going to put a man before your own child??

dementedpixie Tue 26-Jan-21 09:25:28

Maybe its a jealousy thing - 'why should your dd go to school when his cant?' Type of thing. Do the best for your dd

ApolloandDaphne Tue 26-Jan-21 09:25:43

Your DD must come first. Your DP is being a twat. If his DD has Covid there won't be any issue anyway once she is over it. Send your DD to school.

BlueJag Tue 26-Jan-21 09:27:16

Also your job may be at risk. I think you need to do what's best not what he thinks it's more suitable. If you lose your job will he be supporting you financially?
He can be upset but not angry. I'm sure you are too but needs must.

Gazelda Tue 26-Jan-21 09:27:17

Put your child first.

That's exactly what he is doing (in his misguided way).

You and your DD will benefit by her going into school. You can pick up your relationship with DP when he realised that he's been hugely unfair and unreasonable.

XiCi Tue 26-Jan-21 09:27:18

I can't believe you need to ask. Of course you should send her in. If she falls way behind her peers it could affect her for years to come.

Your DP sounds like a twat

Blueberryflavour Tue 26-Jan-21 09:27:21

Do YOU think it’s in your DD’s best interests to have a school place if so do not prioritise your love life over your child’s well-being. Your DP’s opinion doesn’t really come in to it, is he going to support you if you lose your job because you are not able to work effectively? I guess not? He’s being an arse, if the schools reopen, which they will at some point, is he going to refuse to come over then? I would bin him off but if you are keen to keep him can’t you both agree to some time apart for a while?

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