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(30 Posts)
NeedRomance11 Thu 21-Jan-21 21:31:52

Anyone believe u can earn trust back or is it gone when its broke ?

OP’s posts: |
BlueThistles Thu 21-Jan-21 21:34:28

No 🌺

Lauren551 Thu 21-Jan-21 21:40:47

I don’t know I’m going through same thing and I’d like to think in time I can , so far though no

Veiaola Thu 21-Jan-21 21:42:46

No in my case, but you may be different. It has to be earned. However Life is too short to be with some you don't trust.

Kintsugi16 Thu 21-Jan-21 21:42:59

You can earn it back but only as much as that person is able to trust.
Many people, myself included, will never fully trust anyone.

NeedRomance11 Thu 21-Jan-21 21:46:49

Its been years yet I still don't trust him 100% sad
When I think it makes me feel like losing me mind yet I never was like this before

OP’s posts: |
PurrBox Thu 21-Jan-21 21:51:03

You can trust him to be the way he is (whatever that is).

It is just about figuring out who he really is, and then figuring out if it is worth staying with that person (as opposed to the person you wish/ hope he is).
Lack of trust comes from hoping that a person is different from how he is, and then being repeatedly disillusioned. When we lose our illusions, we can trust the bit that is left.

NeedRomance11 Fri 22-Jan-21 00:03:03

What about lies tho that have ruined the trust ? Making out your losing it cause they lie then admit you was right

OP’s posts: |
Raidblunner Fri 22-Jan-21 00:19:09

No don't kid yourself, it's really not worth the effort....tainted, why settle for it.

colouringindoors Fri 22-Jan-21 00:21:19

In my experience when your trust in someone is broken, it's gone for good.

I guess there may be cases where the subject was less significant, but even then I'd be very cautious.

NeedRomance11 Fri 22-Jan-21 00:51:30


No don't kid yourself, it's really not worth the effort....tainted, why settle for it.

Long time together suppose feel like better devil you know sort thing .

OP’s posts: |
Lonelybattle Fri 22-Jan-21 00:53:05

I'm finding that not only can you not get the trust back, it's also bloody hard to trust anyone who comes along after him

NeedRomance11 Fri 22-Jan-21 00:56:07

That is a worry of mine now il be paranoid in any relationship

OP’s posts: |
BlueThistles Fri 22-Jan-21 01:24:09

you will make yourself ill ... don't do this to yourself OP 🌺

AnitaB888 Fri 22-Jan-21 01:27:06

No, sorry.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 22-Jan-21 01:35:18

How many more years are you willing to live like this?

waitrosetrollydolly Fri 22-Jan-21 02:08:52

It's a case of weighing up the pros v the cons and making a decision based on those results . Think things through, take your time, don't be rushed by someone who feels you should be forgiving and fighting things to suit them, not you.
Their actions often speak volumes. Start taking note of that !
Good luck !!

waitrosetrollydolly Fri 22-Jan-21 02:09:35

* Forgetting - not fighting

Weirdfan Fri 22-Jan-21 02:18:46

I think the person who broke the trust can fix it in certain cases but all the hard work needs to come from them. If you're asking whether you can fix it when someone else has broken it then no, it has to be earned back by the guilty party. So the question is whether he has done (or is willing to do) enough to make you feel secure again and it sounds like he hasn't. Sorry OP flowers

Sunflower1970 Fri 22-Jan-21 03:58:09

Once the trust is gone you can never get it back

SnowedLastNight Fri 22-Jan-21 04:41:42

Why would you twist yourself into knots forcing yourself to trust someone who has shown they can't be trusted?

Someone who is lying to you and then making out you are losing it to protect themselves is not someone who cares about you. Or should.ever be trusted again.

Trust isn't a single thing.

You can't trust this person to be honest and you can't trust them to protect and respect you.

This is not your person!

caringcarer Fri 22-Jan-21 08:22:39

@lonelybattle, I completely ahree. after my Exh cheated and I divorced him I found it very hard to trust another man. My new DH had to work hard for years to gain my trust. He has never done anything wrong and is completely loving towards me but it took me a long time to learn to trust again.

Kintsugi16 Fri 22-Jan-21 09:02:23

I do think you reach a stage where you wouldn’t trust anyone though, regardless.
Especially after someone cheats when you’ve been with them for a very long time.

I know I would never, ever fully trust anyone again and tbh, wonder if it was ever wise to do that in the first place.

PurrBox Fri 22-Jan-21 10:05:01

You can't trust a liar and a cheater not to lie and cheat.

You might be able to trust him to do the things he does well- for instance, he might be good at making the best of difficult times, seeing good in people, making lots of money, or cleaning the house.

Our job is to figure out what qualities in our partners can be trusted, and to figure out if we are able to accept that. We have to get away from all delusions and justifications, face the truth as we see it and see if it works for us.

(For context, I have been going through the whole torturous process of finding out about the serious long-term cheating of a much beloved husband of 25 years.)

Kintsugi16 Fri 22-Jan-21 22:00:34

PurrBox flowers

Wise words. It’s tough isn’t it? x

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