My last relationship utterly destroyed me.
I've been single for nearly 10 years. In that time I've dated a bit, a few short flings but never anything serious. I've been unlucky with the men I've met and ended each of these flings after a few months when they became unpalatable to me. The issues have mainly been infidelity, sexual aggressiveness or criticism of me physically (too old, too fat, not attractive enough).
In their own ways, each of these 'damaged' me a little - added another little scar I suppose. But I've always bounced back, taken a few months to a couple of years for myself and come back stronger. Ending a relationship that isn't right for me has always felt empowering. It didn't really affect me or how I saw myself long term. And there was still always hope. Still always next time.
Then, just over a year ago, I started seeing a friend of a friend. It was an abject disaster. The reality was that we got on well enough but there wasn't really a spark and we had many incomipatabilities that made each of us unsuitable for the other long term. He didn't criticise me directly, as other men have, but it was clear that he didn't find me physically attractive in the way that he might. Physically, I found him very attractive but I found aspects of his personality less so in a partner and, eventually and after about 11 months (which was far too long in hindsight!) I ended it.
We remained friends, initially for the benefit of our mutual friends really but, for the last couple of months, we've seen each other most weekends and we spent a lot of time over christmas together. It's actually been lovely. We've become really good friends. I stay at his house (in the spare room), we take it in turns to cook, we laugh, go out for walks (not much else to do at the moment!), watch films, talk. In every way, we get on far better now than we did when we were together. We are still in a support bubble.
The things that were a problem when we were seeing each other are no longer an issue in a friendship in the way they were in a relationship and we are genuinely close. We've each shared things about ourselves that few others know and we trust each other.
I still think he's an attractive man but have no desire at all to get back together with him and i have no reason at all to think he feels any differently. It just wasn't right. It really is a case of we should never have been together and should just have been friends.
But it's utterly destroyed me.
I've cried nearly every day over the past few weeks, I've lost motivation to do things I enjoy. I haven't bounced back this time and I don't know why.
I feel like the hope I've always had has left me. It's left me feeling unattractive, undesirable and broken. I just feel so sad and so hopeless. I can't seem to find myself this time.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I don't know why this happened and what do I do to fix it?
SnowedLastNight · 21/01/2021 06:12
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