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Any advice welcome

(20 Posts)
Jtl31 Wed 20-Jan-21 15:19:58

I was in a relationship last year, im wanting some advice on a few situations that arose, he didnt work but i did, i once went to my dads for tea, he was txing me quite a bit, i put my phone in the kitchen whilst i had ny tea, got talking to my dad about the past, when i was little and stuff, my phone was on silent, 2 hours went past, i looked at my phone and there was 16 missed calls, i answered when he rang again and he was screaming saying why hadn’t i answered phone he was worried id been in car accident (god knows why) i left my dads and when i got home he turned up again shouting and going mad, if its my day off work and i go shopping or call to my sisters he rings me and asks me where ive been when i explain he will question me a couple of times and want to know exact times. He constantly tells me about myself saying i will never last with another man and no man will put up with me, he says this because there has been numerous occasions like ive mentioned above and when he does this i shut down on him and go quiet.i work full time and all i do is go shopping clean my house and spend time with my children (who arnt to him) when im not working. My best friend who ive been friends with 16 years is a man, nothing has ever gone off between us we r just really good friends hes in s relationship with a woman and they have a son together he called in for a cup of tea with his son the other day and he went barmy that i didnt tell him straight away while he was here and that i told him later that day. Constantly questions me about him even though ive told him over and over theres nothing going off, his girlfriend is a friend of mine too. Another incident is my friend has just found out shes got breast cancer, she called to see me to explain about her treatment and stuff and whilst she was here i had 33 missed calls and 15 txs calling me horrible names because i hadnt answered the phone. I know deep down this isnt normal behaviour and ive tried speaking with him but hes never to blame ever, its always my fault, my dad and sister hate him and are scared for me with the way hes going off all the time, i feel like he has to constantly be in touch with me 24/7 is it me or is it him because he will not accept fault. Ive broken up with him yet since tgen he rings and txs and still wants to know my every move. I feel like im going mad. I lve thought about changing my number but theres a strong chance he will turn up to my house showing off.

OP’s posts: |
Heybeendyingtomeetyou Wed 20-Jan-21 17:15:34

It’s definitely him!
He sounds very scary and abusive.
I have no experience so have no clue what to advise in this situation but if you report your thread and ask @MNHQ to move it to the relationships board you will find loads of really helpful advice from some very knowledgeable people.
You are well rid of him, I just hope you can stop him bothering you flowers

Igmum Wed 20-Jan-21 17:47:44

It's him. Please stay away from him and stay safe OP. There are so many red flags here. Change your number. If he comes round call the Police. Block, block and block again. thanks

BingBongToTheMoon Wed 20-Jan-21 17:52:56

Log this with the non emergency police number.
Explain how scared this is making you and ask their advice.

Jtl31 Wed 20-Jan-21 17:53:18

Im so glad ive had a response telling me what i already knew. He makes me think its me and hes done nothing at all i lm constantly questioning myself and what i do thinking im making him think things and its all me xxx

OP’s posts: |
Jumpers268 Wed 20-Jan-21 18:50:10

This is really worrying. I'm not sure the housing situation (I'm guessing you live together?). But yes, definitely not you. You definitely don't want this man in your life, and trust me it'll not get better.

Jtl31 Wed 20-Jan-21 19:25:28

No we didnt live together, when we split up my childrens father called to see them after work (he does that odd day in between having them) and my ex came round un announced and showed off told him to leave screaming saying its an unacceptable time of day for him to he there, my daughters were hysterical because of him showing off and telling their dad to leave. When i argued over this he says he was well within his rights to throw him out of my house.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Wed 20-Jan-21 19:29:22

I can't understand why you haven't called the police. This man is a fucking maniac. Report and block him, and never allow him into your home again.

Onedimension Wed 20-Jan-21 19:31:24

You are allowed to end the relationship even if he doesn’t like it.

donerwillbehere Wed 20-Jan-21 19:36:18

Finish the relationship . He is not a healthy person .
Walk away don't look back . Better is coming .
I hope your friend gets better soon .
Take care of yourself xthanks

Jumpers268 Wed 20-Jan-21 19:39:09

Please report him to the police as this is coercive control. It will not get better.

donerwillbehere Wed 20-Jan-21 19:39:12

Sorry relationship is finished . Knock him . If he comes knocking call the police . No good will come of this . Please take care of yourself and your children .

donerwillbehere Wed 20-Jan-21 19:39:40

Block typo

Jtl31 Wed 20-Jan-21 21:26:07

Hes played mind games with me for 9 months now and i am constantly thinking its me, even though in back of my mind I know this isn't nornal behaviour, ive blocked him on everything, social media, whatsapp, normal tx, i then get calls off private number or he goes out and gets a new number, i really feel he is never going to leave me alone. He has really damaged me mentally to point i feel like im losing my mind. When i lose my rag and say to him to leave me alone i get “look calm down have few days space and we will talk” he just doesnt get it xxx

OP’s posts: |
Jumpers268 Wed 20-Jan-21 21:32:27

@Jtl31 you really have to report him to the police. I know he's made you feel like it's your fault but his behaviour is in no way a reflection of you.

Jtl31 Wed 20-Jan-21 21:38:48

Ive already had him say “watch what happens if you go to the police” though whatever that means

OP’s posts: |
billy1966 Wed 20-Jan-21 21:40:16

Please call the police.

He is a dangerous man.

Please have nothing more to do with him.

He is a horror.

The police will help you.

Women's Aid will give you advice.

Block him on EVERYTHING.

GET ADVICE FROM THE POLICE.

flowers

donerwillbehere Wed 20-Jan-21 21:45:14

Do not entertain him .

Ignore him

Speak to the police

Listen to people on here . Lots of people on here have been in similar situations or worse . You have children to think of . Don't let your daughters think this is normal behaviours . RED FLAGS screaming at you .

Dery Wed 20-Jan-21 21:49:46

Of course he wants to scare you off going to the police - what he’s doing is a crime. You really should go to the police. You may also want to speak to the National Centre for Domestic Violence about getting a non-molestation order. This man sounds dangerous. Please speak to the police. They can help.

Laylared Wed 20-Jan-21 22:10:55

I think you should contact the police and ask for a Claire's Law Disclosure. You have a right to ask as you are in a relationship with him. They will decide if you have a right to know. If there is something about his past behaviours that they feel compromise your safety/that of your children they will tell you.

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