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Counselling for relationship difficulties

(6 Posts)
Sixeight Wed 20-Jan-21 07:58:26

I had a counselling session yesterday, the first of 6 and after a couple of month’s wait (nhs). It was an assessment, not actual counselling (that starts next week). It was answering ‘admin’ questions and giving an explanation of why I need counselling and what I hoped to achieve. Not easy, but I’ve been waiting so long for it I was pleased to start the ball rolling.

But, last night I had the most horrific nightmares sad Tell me, does it get better once the actual counselling starts?

OP’s posts: |
Grimsknee Wed 20-Jan-21 08:44:41

Brace yourself OP, if you're doing it right, sometimes counselling can be painful. But also, if you're doing it right, it can be intensely meaningful, transformative, and rewarding.
(Like all good relationships really!)
You might find that once you start talking about the issue itself, you feel some relief and less trepidation.
How did you feel about your 1st session generally speaking? Did you meet the person who will be your counsellor?

Sixeight Wed 20-Jan-21 08:51:39

@Grimsknee thank you. The first session was mainly fact finding on the counsellor’s behalf, no actual counselling. It was hard to go over things but I know I need to sort this out so it felt good to actually get started after being on a long waiting list. It is phone counselling - he can do video counselling but as I have to do it at home I need to use something I can immediately hide if daughter or husband come in the room.

Now it’s started, I kind of want to get on with it and get it done. The thought of another week of nightmares before the next session isnt good. I’m struggling to cope as it is, but I woke up this morning feeling even more demotivated to make the effort to deal with the day. But I did, and I can, and I will - I have to.

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EvenMoreFuriousVexation Wed 20-Jan-21 09:01:30

Mental therapy is akin to physiotherapy - it's painful and requires a huge amount of work while it's going on, but it gives you enormous benefits once you're through it.

IME it's common to have dreams about the subjects being discussed, because you've bee discussing them, and that may be quite unusual in that you don't normally talk or think about these issues in day to day life.

When I have a troubling dream, I wake and get out of bed immediately. I then do a short grounding exercise to bring my attention to my physical surroundings, reassure myself that I am safe and that the dream was just an illusion, not reality. Then I make myself busy with something else - radio, TV, mumsnet! I've found if I try to recall the exact details of the dream it can actually be more upsetting, so I make a conscious effort to just let it fade away, like a bad smell. Sometimes I visualise it drifting away out of the window - like a smelly fart 😂 For me, the crude humour helps me shake it off!

Hope this helps and good luck with your sessions, it really is the best thing you can do for yourself.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 20-Jan-21 09:11:10

What do you want these sessions of counselling to achieve?. I am hoping it will give you further clarity leading to the push to get you out of your abusive relationship.

Sixeight Wed 20-Jan-21 09:26:29

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation thank you, I like the image of the dream floating out the window 🤣

@AttilaTheMeerkat I’m hoping to gain clarity of thought so that I can express what I have found hard, what I am finding hard, what experiences i have minimised the effect of in the past. At the moment, it’s like poking at a tangled, painful ball of hurt in my brain when I think about it. If I can express to myself clearly what has gone wrong, I’m hoping that I will be able to take steps forward, whatever diection that may be,

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