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I think DH pregnancy fetish is back

(69 Posts)
babylovexo Wed 20-Jan-21 00:40:06

Dear lord help me I honestly don't know whether I seem completely mad and unhinged or whether I'm on to something here 🤦

So a few years back I found out my DH had a fetish for pregnant women and their bellies and a full on porn addiction, if I'm honest it weirded me out quite a bit and I realised that he needed help which he refused and said that he would get better and he did we had our own child and everything has seemed perfect until around a month ago.

One way he used to hide it was by looking at articles on The Daily Mail or The Sun so you can imagine I was completely surprised when he said to me bold as anything that he had downloaded The Sun app. It sat uneasy for me a couple of days but then I thought to myself I have got to trust him he hasn't done anything like this in years.

A couple of weeks ago he left his phone on in the lounge whilst he went out and I saw on there multiple articles on the homepage of you guessed it...pregnant women!!! I approached it with caution as I know from past experience that going all guns blazing got me nowhere, he of course denied it and I completely believed him.

He has now been spending a RIDICULOUS amount of time on his phone on the app, now some might say he's looking at the news or sport like men do but he gets all of that through on his phone anyway, so it really set alarm bells off In my head.

I then decided to do some digging and download the app for myself to see if what he was saying about them being normal articles on there were true, Ive used it as I think he would use it (looking at articles of what interests me) and low and behold not a single pregnant women article in sight!!. This may be me completely throwing it out the water but how do I approach him on this without me looking like a psycho? 😂

I'm just worried that IF he has started doing this again it will ruin us because of how much he used to do all of this plus I've got our little girl to think about too as she's my main priority.

Sorry everyone for the ridiculously long message I just had to get that off my chest before going to sleep tonight 🤦😂😂

OP’s posts: |
HollowTalk Wed 20-Jan-21 00:43:51

What was he like when you were pregnant?

Narniacalling Wed 20-Jan-21 01:02:16

I mean lots of people have fetishes.
It’s just wether you can live with it. It’s not going to go away, even if he stops looking. It’s still there.
Him not looking doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist

thosetalesofunexpected Wed 20-Jan-21 01:22:29

Hi Op
I am not sure if your husband liking the idea of a woman being pregnant in general that way is wrong or weird in that way !
(I am open/alternative minded though.

It does sound quite unasusaul Liking thing ! (I will say that ! 😕
maybe it is bit/far more common for men to think a woman who is in a family way is acctrative .

Aslong as your husband is not sending Flirt in //Creepy/offensive Sextexting/emails to any women??

If he is Op?
obviously this is unacceptable,you should not put up accept this,its disrespectful to yourself !

You need to tell him straight ,how would he feel if you were eyeing up men you find acctractive in a flirty sexual way etc.

thosetalesofunexpected Wed 20-Jan-21 01:31:45

Hi Op
It is the Porn Addication as he will be consciously/unconsciously comparing women's bodies to yourself
No Good obviously for your self esteem !
Plus Porn Addication attitude can create intimacy issues in a relantship (obviously no good too

thosetalesofunexpected Wed 20-Jan-21 01:47:07

Oops I mental to say its the Porn Addication Can be undermining for you Op your self esteem ,

Is it Society's Attitudes to what's Acceptable to find acctractive ?
Is that what's whats the real issues here Op with you?
Or is Op you have a ick factor (you find it offensive etc that your husband thinks in this way of finding pregnant women very acctractive ?

Op you have to go with gut feelings/personal preferences on what you think feel on this issue !!

It does not matter a Jot my opinion or anybody else's opinions does it !

thosetalesofunexpected Wed 20-Jan-21 02:04:56

Hi Op
Is it Society's attitudes to your Husband fetish' that is Confusing you/ somewhat then? 😕

I think a man finding a woman who is a pregnant is a Primeval evolutionary way of ensuring the male of Human species stays with and faithful to their female Partner sort of thing ! 😕

thosetalesofunexpected Wed 20-Jan-21 02:17:20

Op
Oops i ment to Say i
think its Natural for a male to find a pregnant woman/women Very Acctractive for the reasons I have given in Ubove message ! 😕

FortunesFave Wed 20-Jan-21 02:41:46

HollowTalk

What was he like when you were pregnant?

That's a bit personal isn't it? What do you want her to say? "Oooh he was all over me! Happy for the first time since we've been together!"

hmm

RCMcGee Wed 20-Jan-21 04:43:25

Depends how far the fetish goes tbh, but imo, he'd be getting dumped for reading the s*n and DM.

Ce7913 Wed 20-Jan-21 04:58:10

Genuine fetishes don't just go away. They can only be hidden, or temporarily suppressed.

Porn addiction can be treated, and you have a right to object to his obsessive/reckless use of same.

Your biggest problem is his unwillingness to be honest with you and with himself.

Catlover77 Wed 20-Jan-21 05:49:19

He reads The Sun? Enough said

gutful Wed 20-Jan-21 06:10:26

Does he lurk or troll on mumsnet

SkeletorAttack Wed 20-Jan-21 06:30:56

@babylovexo - what a tough situation. It does just sound like a fetish and I think plenty of people (men and women) have similar thoughts. It's not that out of this world.

I would say that you need to talk to him about this, because you are now suspicious of his motives for anything, and your trust is eroding.

Aside from the online searches, does this impact your everyday life? For example, does he openly compare or comment (negatively or positively) on your body?

You need to give him examples of his behaviour and how it is impacting you (e.g. it feels disrespectful, it is making you feel unwanted or undesired etc). Be factual, rather than just saying "that's disgusting".

Shoxfordian Wed 20-Jan-21 06:59:43

I don’t really see the issue here, we all have sexual fantasies and things we find attractive, for him it’s pregnant women. Could be a lot lot worse tbh

gutful Wed 20-Jan-21 07:05:10

In my 20s this would have irked me

In my 30s have a pot belly can’t/won’t shift so it may not bother me so much

It’s doubtful he could act out this fetish, as majority of pregnant women will have a significant other & not be up for it

So all in all it’s a pretty safe fetish as far as they go IMO

Better than pregnant women irking him I guess?

ScabbyHorse Wed 20-Jan-21 07:29:27

My ex was like this and I found it quite disturbing. It's like it is okay to like MY pregnant body but not other people's. He had severe mother issues I realised. Does your partner get on with his mum ?

babylovexo Wed 20-Jan-21 07:33:39

Thank you everyone it's definitely put my mind at ease a bit! But I will definitely be talking to him about it too as unfortunately it does delve in a little deeper.

It all started off when I found porn images on his phone (this was like 5 years ago now) of sexualised pregnant women, to be honest I didn't even realise it was a pregnant woman to start off with so became more intrigued than anything and as we've all done just taken a look at his search history 🙄 and that's when I saw video after video and picture after picture of sexualised pregnant women.... At least five times a day!!! The idiot kept all his tabs open on his phone too so I could see exactly what he had watched 😂. One thing I will say which I think hurt the most was when looking at the dates we went on our first ever holiday abroad together at the time we weren't living together and hadn't been together that long if you catch my drift!! Anyway he dropped me home after an amazing week away I thought he was going to come in for a bit wait for my parents to get back but he honestly couldn't get home quick enough. So when looking at his search history I will honestly never forget that the day he got home he actually looked at it all 15 times!! It honestly sparked it all and I couldn't understand that after an amazing week together he would want to go and do that just degraded me a bit I guess??

So this was confronted and we spoke about it and then he said he'd stop and said how disgusted he was in himself etc, over that short period after I kept checking up because at that point my trust was going and that's when I found he had switched to looking at them around 10 times a day via newspaper articles (trying to be clever).

The whole thing affected my mental health at the time and it took me a while to recover afterwards and now I'm not as bothered but I feel that it's just triggering me that it's not a downward spiral of starting to look at that again and then back into a relapse of s full blown porn addiction and I then don't want my mental health to go downhill again (I don't think it will but it scarese because I want to be as good as I can be for my DD) I hope that makes sense 😂🤦

OP’s posts: |
category12 Wed 20-Jan-21 08:04:21

What difference does it really make to you? We haven't all taken a look through our partner's phones and Internet history, btw.

If it affects your relationship by him being inattentive or whatever, that's one thing, but if you had a great time one week away but the only thing that spoiled it was you going through his phone and finding he looked at porn - the problem wasn't him, that was you.

Fetishes don't go away. They're deeply engrained. He doesn't really "need help" for it unless it's affecting his behaviour.

gutful Wed 20-Jan-21 08:34:24

Op I think you need to stop talking about his fetish. & just ask he keeps it private & stop going through his computer!
It seems controlling to want to stop someone’s private thoughts.
It either disgusts you & a dealbreaker, or put it to the side & try to see it as a fantasy.

I have a thing for having all 3 holes filled. Yet am a monogamous Person & don’t have or want a 3 or 4 some.

His fetish isn’t “back” - it hasn’t gone anywhere. Only if he actually has sex with a pregnant woman & has a negative real life experience during it that it may stop.

Stop making him feel disgusted with himself because you feel disgusted by it.

SkeletorAttack Wed 20-Jan-21 08:35:20

OP, your latest post was quite enlightening. This has clearly been part of your relationship for a long time, and so it will be hard for your DH to stop.

I think you need to decide whether you can turn a blind eye and learn to live with this (despite any impact on your mental health), or whether your mental health and general happiness in this relationship needs to be protected by considering separating. I know the whole Mumsnet LTB is thrown around far too easily but you need to decide whether you can live like this for the rest of your marriage because, despite saying he is disgusted in himself (not sure why, it is a fetish of which others might be like minded), your DH will continue to look up this stuff and just get sneakier doing so.

Sorehandsandfeet Wed 20-Jan-21 08:38:14

It is ok not to feel comfortable with this. It is something you spoke to DH about, explained it wasn't acceptable to you and he agreed not to do it again. Therin there lies the problem, lies and broken promises, not necessarily the content he is watching. You need to accept that you cannot control him and therefore you will not be happy if some of his behaviour upsets you to this extent. Don't undermine your feelings though, this would be no big deal to some but if it bothers you and upsets you, you do not have to put up with it.

Iwonder08 Wed 20-Jan-21 08:50:03

So he has a little fetish. If it is the only problem and it doesn't affect any other areas of your life (does he fancy you when you are not pregnant?) then leave him to it

ErickBroch Wed 20-Jan-21 08:52:11

He can't control his fetish and I have actually met a few men with this same one - so it's not that unusual (although I find it bizarre personally). You said he needs help - but this won't go away.

If he is obsessively watching porn and looking for pornographic images multiple times a day then that is a separate issue. I think it's very disrespectful and I would be extremely unhappy about that!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Wed 20-Jan-21 08:52:58

You asked your DH to change a very fundamental part of his nature, one that it would be very difficult, probably impossible, to change. (pretty much akin to horrified parents putting their gay children through traumatising "conversion therapy".)

Instead of being realistic and telling you to stop trying to police someone else's thoughts, he opted for the quiet life of hiding his attractions from you.

Unfortunately he didn't know that you would so thoroughly invade his privacy, and continue to shame him for what he finds attractive.

If you are unable to accept a relationship with someone who finds other people attractive, may I suggest you set this poor bastard free and seek out a relationship with an asexual.

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