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New lodger- help me tell them they need to leave

(59 Posts)
Helpagirloutt Tue 19-Jan-21 22:11:17

Hi everyone

Sorry if this is not the right place as it is not relationship based. Sounds silly but I am feeling really quite uncomfortable with how to approach things with lodger. Basically he moved in only a couple of weeks ago, and at first he seemed fine , some differences, but nothing huge.

I have slowly began to realise though that he does drink a lot, and he is also a heavy cannabis smoker. He smokes outside, but the smell comes from his room where he stores it. Now this is where I may be flamed... I am worried I sent the wrong message to him as I have once smoked with him (before I realised he did not just smoke occasionally) so now I feel awkward about saying to him that the smell does bother me.

He has been drinking occasionally in the day and always does of a night, and smokes pretty often throughout the day and night. He was waking me being up all night but I have ear plugs now so this is mostly fine, but some very late nights can be disturbing.

Essentially, he obviously needs to leave. He has always been calm with me, but I know he has had a physical fight with family recently while drunk. I wonder how to explain to him that it is not working. He has complex mental health and clearly is always under the influence of something. I do feel awful as he’s been making himself at hole buying things etc. but I really cannot do this. He has not shown any aggression to me so I was shocked he got into a fight, and I don’t envisage him being aggressive to me but I can’t be sure as I do not know him really. I would therefore like to avoid any personal reasons or get into his alcohol or deug issues, so how would people suggest I phrase it?

I will need to relist the room as I need the money. I could wait until he is gone if it will make it worse if he sees me relisting, but would prefer not to. I have to give him one months notice.


OP’s posts: |
Outdoorsywithgin Tue 19-Jan-21 22:14:26

I'd make sure there was someone there with you when you tell him, just in case.

seensome Tue 19-Jan-21 22:19:27

Could you say, you have a family member you need to help out urgently in the next month that needs the room and give him notice? Relist soon as he's gone, he does sound awful no wonder you want him out.

GoldfishParade Tue 19-Jan-21 22:21:06

Do not talk to him alone. I don't like the sound of him.

Helpagirloutt Thu 21-Jan-21 06:42:07

Thanks for the replies. I am going to focus more on sleep. He keeps me up most nights going in and out of the house to smoke weed and walking about, so I will just nicely explain its not compatible. Hopefully that is inoffensive but also very true as I’m knackered.

OP’s posts: |
Isthisentirelynecessary Thu 21-Jan-21 06:57:09

If he is a lodger you don’t technically have to give him any notice, although in this situation it sounds as though that would be unreasonable. However if he does become violent, or even just starts making things more difficult for you by being antisocial then you can call the police and they will remove him from your property. Being a lodger does not come with the same protection as being a tenant.

Helpagirloutt Thu 21-Jan-21 07:01:54

Ah to be honest I am confusing things, I guess I wanted to explain he is renting in my home. I have a contract and we agreed 3 months initially, and one months notice (meaning I will tell him one month before or he tells me one more before the end date). So I think legally I am stuck with him until then, but even having a plan in mind to get rid is helping.

But yes definitely if the drinking and behaviour escalates I will look into taking steps, even if it means me temporarily going to stay elsewhere and returning to clean and check the property on occasion.

OP’s posts: |
pumpkinpie01 Thu 21-Jan-21 07:09:41

I wouldn't go and stay elsewhere , it's your home . He is already being disrespectful with you being there imagine what he could be up to if he had the house to himself .

RainingBatsAndFrogs Thu 21-Jan-21 07:22:30

If he is outside in the garden smoking weed all night it won’t be long before the neighbours complain.

Can you just tell him that his lifestyle is keeping you awake, and could he stop it or be silent? Also you are concerned that the neighbours will complain and report him?

Having a 3 month contract isn’t a licence to do whatever he wants within the 3 months.

Helpagirloutt Thu 21-Jan-21 07:47:04

Yes I will speak to him today, need to set some ground rules. I usually am easy going so worry I sent the wrong message at first, as I don’t care about his own habits but they are now affecting me badly.

OP’s posts: |
Lozzerbmc Thu 21-Jan-21 07:47:23

I wouldnt leave your home but I would have someone around if possible when you tell him and relist when he’s gone.

ivykaty44 Thu 21-Jan-21 07:53:26

Just explain it’s not working out as we have different lifestyles so your best to find somewhere that fits with you, rather than me making lots of rules which would make you unhappy & effect your mental health

Kittykat93 Thu 21-Jan-21 07:54:50

He sounds awful!!!

ivykaty44 Thu 21-Jan-21 07:56:16

. So I think legally I am stuck with him until then, but even having a plan in mind to get rid is helping.

Lodges have no legal protection, you can ask him to leave today, but morally I’m sure you’d give him notice to find somewhere else asap

icelollycraving Thu 21-Jan-21 07:59:36

Could you say the door opening and closing all night is a problem as your sleep is affected and a neighbour has also complained? Say that you’re happy to give the month notice unless he’d like to go sooner. I think if you have someone there it may feel more aggressive. Don’t do it when he’s drinking so perhaps in the morning? Keep if friendly but firm. If you need to live together for another month then don’t make it worse. Once you’ve told him, list the room, it’ll be better if you have someone moving in as it’ll remove the option of him asking for a few more days.

CriticalWoman Thu 21-Jan-21 08:07:49

It sounds like you already know this OP but the advice from PP is wrong that lodgers have no legal rights/can be evicted immediately.
A lodger doesn't have the rights of a tenant but does have rights under the contract between them and the home owner.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Thu 21-Jan-21 08:08:45

Assuming you're in England, if you have a written contract without a break clause then my understanding from the above is that you can't require him to leave until the end of the contract.

You could ask... And you can certainly tell him the nocturnal noise is unacceptable, and that if he wants to smoke he needs to do it out of the house before (EG) 10pm so he's not waking you when he goes in and out. If he's not storing his weed correctly and making the house smell you can also tell him that's not acceptable.

I'd suggest you get proper legal advice before doing anything.

candide47 Thu 21-Jan-21 08:36:32

Be prepared for him to say that he can change to suit you better and have your response(s) ready to trip off your tongue, 'look it's just not working for me, you won't change my mind, there's no point in discussing it further, sorry it's not going to work out'. Firm but polite will win the day.

RainingBatsAndFrogs Thu 21-Jan-21 08:54:43


It sounds like you already know this OP but the advice from PP is wrong that lodgers have no legal rights/can be evicted immediately.
A lodger doesn't have the rights of a tenant but does have rights under the contract between them and the home owner.

There is nothing there that references anti-social behaviour by a lodger or a lodger’s responsibility beyond paying rent regularly. confused
Does regular payment entitle a lodger to store controlled substances? Smoke drugs in the garden?

Surely the OP can say ‘look as far as I am concerned your choices and lifestyle are your own, but I hadn’t realised how important to you your weed smoking is and I have to ask you not to smoke in the garden, because of the neighbours, and obviously smoking in the house is an issue. This might be hard so if you prefer to move I understand and would not hold you to your notice period’

BeforeThisThenWhat Thu 21-Jan-21 09:24:47

Does he work?

domesticslattern Thu 21-Jan-21 09:30:12

Make sure you don't accidentally get talked into him "changing" and staying. sad
I have been given notice as a lodger. You don't need to give lots of reasons- the room is no longer available to him after 4 weeks so please look for somewhere else now. And offer an incentive to move out early, if you can think of one. Don't move out yourself... things could get a little bumpy with this sort of guy.

CriticalWoman Thu 21-Jan-21 09:45:24

@rainingbatsandfrogs - good point, and not only anti social but illegal

Newwayofthinking Thu 21-Jan-21 10:20:01

If he is a lodger, he has no rights and you could ask him to leave right now.

However, give him a week to find somewhere, just say you're not compatible.

Thats it done.

Helpagirloutt Thu 21-Jan-21 10:51:43

Thank you so much everyone. Will take a read of the links! My friend has actually suggested calling citizens advice to get some guidance.

He does make me a bit wary, and I raised the noise this morning and although he apologised he was making excuses. I just responded to say yes but it has been very tiring for me and I had not realised you always stay up so late. He just said yes me too (as in tiring for me confused but we are in a pandemic so what else is there to do.

He has then been pestering me about making changes to some furniture, I have had to be pushy and say no ai do not want that before he would stop. I think I need to be very clear but yes agree I will stay put and not leave, as he will make things difficult.

I imagine I have to let him stay until the end of the contract, but I will let him know soon it is not working so by the end of March when his contract is up he must leave as it will not be extended.

No he does not as he is on furlough.

OP’s posts: |
CriticalWoman Thu 21-Jan-21 11:18:19

Do you have a written contract OP?

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