Where have all the good men gone.

[StartingAgainat31]

I'm going to own it now. I have very little experience of men. I was with my ex husband for 14 years, from the age of 17.

But what I am learning about men I really don't like. I'm sure they aren't all the same, but I'm really struggling to find any good men.

I've started a bit of online dating. I've bonned all dating apps because they are awful and most of the men just wanted a hookup or quick release, during a pandemic. They were a no go. I've joined a few singles groups, but honestly some of the men are just rude, but pass their meaness off as 'banter which I just hate, we're not in the school playground here people.

I've been sent dick pics, had blokes guessing the size of my boobs, asking for my postcode, when I've never met them before, been asked for nudes, had clumsy attempts at what I assume they believe to be sexy talk. It all fills me with total revulsion.

My ex had his faults, don't get wrong, but he would never have spoken to me or treated me the way someone these complete strangers have. I'm utterly horrified by the whole thing.

Once I'd split from my ex, and was approached by several old acquaintances on Facebook. We chatted, it got a bit suggestive, then they declared they were actually seeing other people.

I hope I don't sound like a humourless prude, because I'm really not. But I'm genuinely just shocked at some of the behaviour from guys. These include men on dating apps, Facebook groups, but also men I know.

So, in the words of Bonnie, where the hell have all the good men gone? Are they all happily married with two darling children, and a labrador?

[Becstar90]

I agree, I have a partner but it doesn't shock me what I hear from single friends because I experienced the same when single. Ohh the dick pics, like we actually want to see that!! I used to block straight away. Just disgusting. They aren't all the same.. well a small percentage aren't

[Onthedunes]

I'm sorry I've no idea where they are, but I do think the knobhead pool is generally getting larger.

Good luck with your endeavours.

[StartingAgainat31]

@onthedunes nobhead pool 🤣

[BibbityBobbety]

They're about but it does take harder to find them - because they're not as pushy and forward, or likely to message you, as the creeps. Just a numbers game really. But if you can whizz through the crap ones without letting them affect you, taint your view of men or waste your time, you'll get onto a decent one quicker.

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

95% of humans are crap, men AND women.

Thankfully, we all disagree, to a greater or lesser extent, on what makes someone crap.

You just have to keep looking for the 5% of people who are on your wavelength and share your values.

Have you considered dating women? I've yet to receive an unsolicited vagina photo!

[Onthedunes]

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

95% of humans are crap, men AND women.

Thankfully, we all disagree, to a greater or lesser extent, on what makes someone crap.

You just have to keep looking for the 5% of people who are on your wavelength and share your values.

Have you considered dating women? I've yet to receive an unsolicited vagina photo!

Now that's good advice!

[Londono]

I'm currently in the midst of a divorce and I do want to date again but then I think all the men I will be dating will have been someone on Mumsnet's rejected partner and it puts me right off!

[Isitsixoclockalready]

These threads are quite common for the unfortunate reason that there are a lot of idiot men on online dating. I am a man, I met my now wife on online dating and thought that it was a good idea. I suggested it to my sister who was divorced and she had experience of some of those idiots who somehow think that women are going to be enticed by being asked for nude photos or dirty chat.

I hope that I'm not some kind of rarity - don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect but I'd never think of behaving like that. There have to be decent blokes on dating sites as otherwise they would have gone out of business. I just think that it pays to be cautious.

[StartingAgainat31]

@isitsixoclockalready thank you for your perspective. I don't want to be a ranty man hater. Because I'm definitely not. I know some outstanding guys. My brother-in-law is a wonderful man, who I honestly look up to. I have some great friends who are guys.

But also I seem to have encountered some real tripe. Men who have a tantrum when you won't meet them during a lockdown, and then throw insults, or actually counter the advice of surgeon, on what I should be doing before an operation (because he wanted a shag and I'd told him I was self isolating ), using his medical knowledge (he was a nursing assistant in a mental health ward, so not quite a surgical specialist), to try and catch me put for refusing him.

Its very depressing.

[Londono]

Also, I wish they could come with TripAdvisor style reviews!

[Iris27]

I agree OP. I recently binned all the dating apps. I honestly think the majority of good men have been bagged. Rather be on my own than with a dickhead, so staying single.

[Mermaidwaves]

The dating apps are dire and one of my male friends last night who is engaged starting sending me dirty messages and dick pics he is all loved up with his fiancee on facebook and I'm feeling shocked to be honest. I am genuinely wondering if there are any decent men left either.

[FifteenToes]

Like isitsixoclockalready I'm astounded by the stuff I read here about men on dating sites.

I certainly wouldn't call myself one of the "good men" but I would never occur to me to behave like that. It's not even (or at least, not only) a question of decency and consideration. Even if you start from a simple premise of people on dating sites being completely out for themselves, to get what they want, there's still the question of basic intelligence and capability in doing that.

I mean, what kind of a stunted emotional intelligence must you have, or even just analytical intelligence, to have lived on this Earth for 40, 50 years or whatever and not have managed to work out that women don't want to receive dick pics, and aren't going to sleep with you because of one?

[Surplus2requirements]

Reply to dick pics with "that reminds me I must put button mushrooms on my shopping list"

[stout01]

Not OLD would appear to be the case reading the various threads on here.

Have to say it makes it easier for us blokes as the bar seems quite low, just ask sensible questions and dont turn the conversation to sex straight away!

[blanketyblankpen]

Also, I wish they could come with TripAdvisor style reviews!

Business idea right there!

[ShyAmy333]

Try being transgender. Omg the dick pics arent even the start of it. Messages like "I've always wanted to a tranny" well if you dont know the difference between a "tranny" and a post op lady you're not going to be buttering my muffins any time soon.

[PinotPony]

"Buttering my muffins"?! Fantastic expression! 😂

In my experience, most guys on OLD are emotionally stunted imbeciles. I binned Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and POF because it was so depressing. Unsolicited dick pics are an immediate no for me.

I joined killing kittens at the end of 2019 and it's been a revelation. Admittedly, it's aimed at the swinging / kink market but, as it's entirely led by women, there are very strict rules about conduct. I've found the men on there to be polite and respectful whilst flirting. They understand that the ethos is about getting to know people rather than hook ups and, because the women have so much choice, they can afford to be picky and set the bar high.