ex is bribing me

[MicPark]

My Ex has repeatedly sent/offered money for me to "make peace" with him. What he means is that he wants me to:

1. ignore when he is making poor decisions that involve our children
2. include him (be social and friendly) during times we are at the same location for a child's event

How can I show him that this is wrong? First, I NEVER contact him unless he has done something to hurt our kids. (He says I harass him) So the bribe is asking for me to ignore any time I see bad bahavior. His bribe says that if I bring up such instances, he will then not pay me my next xhild support payment (so the money he sent as the bribe would count as that months child support.)
Second, he has embarassed himself socially within our school friend-group because he lied about me to them and then was found out, and now he wants me to act like he's a friend. This man is a total narcissist and has serious control issues. This is probably the fourth time he has tried to bribe me with money to "be nice" to him. The first time he offered me $500 to hug him in front of the kids so they would think things were good between us. (Mind you, he was secretly married three weeks after I moved out and was hiding this from everyone for a year). Tip of the iceburg. How do I handle this? (What legal rights do I have against this?) Sidenote, he owes me thousands of dollars but It would cost more than that to legally fight it so I havent. I reply to his bribes the same every time - 'just pay me what you owe and then we can discuss peace.'

[bluecheesefan]

His bribe says that if I bring up such instances, he will then not pay me my next xhild support payment

That isn't a bribe, that's blackmail.

[Santaiscovidfree]

Get court ordered child support.
And keep all messages.

[WunWun]

What sort of stuff is he doing to hurt your children?

[LochJessMonster]

Get child support formally sorted so he can’t withhold it.


include him (be social and friendly) during times we are at the same location for a child's event although for the sake of your child you should be doing this anyway

[MicPark]

it is court-ordered already

[MicPark]

Agree! I would never do that to my kids :) I absolutely do not do anything at all to him at social events (or anywhere)...his point is that he wants me to treat him like a buddy and include him in convos and talk openly to him etc

[MicPark]

Nothing physical - emotional harm and neglect
He gets upset if I email him telling him that his actions are wrong.

For example, he has one of our daughters taking almost full responsibility for our youngest daughter during his visitation. (everything from taking her to school to handling hwk and food, to parenting during meltdowns)
Or: not coming to his child's awards banquets because he wants to go to a football game instead (even though he was pre-warned she was winning a big award - he programmed the child to think "its ok mom, his fav team is playing"
and when I tell him these things are not fair to the older daughter and hurtful to the younger one, he calls it harassment.

[ginandwineandbaileys]

My ex is doing the same to me. He actually physically hurt one of the children, and h,as no announced that there will be no more child support unless I let him see the kids. I'm just letting CMS del with it. The trying to force me to be friendly is something he's been doing since I left him. He spreads false rumours about me and I am expected to friendly. I acknowledge his presence if the kids are there, but I try not to be in the same place. He expects to come to my home and to be happy to see him, pffft no

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

It's not a bribe, it's blackmail and blackmail is illegal.

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

You're in the states? I've heard there's very little way of enforcing child support there.

I'd just go broken record with him. "No, that won't be happening. No, I won't be teaching your children that they can treat people badly and then use money to make it better. No, I won't be lying on your behalf. No, I won't be quiet. No, I will not stop protecting my children. No, I will not be doing that. No, I want the child support that you legally owe your children, nothing else." Just put it on repeat.

Is the new wife driving the blackmail attempts do you think?

[Theonethatgotawayawayaway]

He is blackmailing you. Get a court ordered agreement that he has to pay child support and then he can’t try to play god

[SandyY2K]

Seek legal advice for his blackmail. Did he put it in writing?

[MicPark]

@SandyY2K yes I have it in writing...