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Going back to an ex - does it ever work

(7 Posts)
BeginningAgain Sun 17-Jan-21 10:28:40

My husband and I initially separated in May. At the time I wanted us to go away and deal with some respective issues. He was angry I no longer wanted to live with him and that I couldn't give time frames or and certainties.

We went our separate ways. The house has been put on the market, and we are due to complete on the 29th. We both have our own purchases.

In this time he had a short fling with someone, but ended it a few months ago, because he realised he was still in love with me.

I have an having counselling on issues I felt were impacting on me and our marriage. Some of these were deep seated, and left over from a difficult childhood.

He has been incredibly helpful in the last few months with regards to the house and sorting things out ready to move. We have a 3 year old together.

I am wondering now whether we have a future. In the past we were best friends, as well as a couple, if that makes sense. We share a love of the great outdoors. Having a baby put huge strain on our relationship. I suffered from PND, and honestly, I believe he did as well.

Is there hope, or am I just living in the past.

OP’s posts: |
Sittingonthefence83 Sun 17-Jan-21 10:35:09

I personally think it could work if you both have that desire to give it another go. It sounds as if you still want that. Do you think you're still in love with him?

Choccorocco Sun 17-Jan-21 10:37:44

Hi OP. If you now feel ready to progress the relationship and you feel that he is, why not? You mentioned that you both needed to deal with some issues and it sounds as if you have. If he has too, then it sounds as if things are going to plan? He sounds like a decent guy and there is much to be said for staying with the father of your child, especially if you love him.... do you love him? And is he a decent person, worth a second chance?
Everyone’s circumstances are different, but my boyfriend and I broke up a few times before making the commitment, not kindly either. Then we decided to make it work and haven’t looked back since. Relationships aren’t always easy and some of the best require a bit of work.
Good luck with it all.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Sun 17-Jan-21 10:44:39

Have you missed living with him more than you've enjoyed not living with him?

BeginningAgain Sun 17-Jan-21 10:57:44

@evenmorefuriousvexation honestly at first it was a bit of relief. Things had bee difficult for a while, and the peace and freedom to do what I wanted was quite nice. We have bee together since we were 17, so I've never had that. I have found the last few months more difficult, but I realise a lot of that is to do with the current situation and being remote from everyone. I have found myself thinking I miss my old life. I'm honestly not interested in any other men. I miss our shared experiences and the shared history we had and took for granted. But I don't want to jump back into something if its wrong, because I'm lonely and mourning something that has gone.

OP’s posts: |
user184628462 Sun 17-Jan-21 11:07:54

Missing something that was familiar and it being a good idea to return to it aren't the same.

gannett Sun 17-Jan-21 12:25:15

Does it EVER work? Sure, sometimes. That's not the question you should be asking though because every circumstance is individual.

From your description it sounds as though you initiated the separation and now want to initiate getting back together while your husband has been fairly consistent in his feelings. So you have to ask yourself whether the issues that made you separate still apply, or if you can see them cropping up again.

Feels like this dilemma is a new version of your original one - you couldn't give him certainties then and you're hesitating to commit to certainties now. Is that because of him or because of you?

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