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Never had an orgasm

(59 Posts)
Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 20:00:17

Was reading a thread about a woman who's partner can't make her come, and started thinking about this...

I've never had an orgasm. Not like they're generally described, like a peak of sensation or a moment of climax or whatever, the whole romance novel "sparks of pure ecstasy" thing...

I get horny, i masturbate, i have excellent enjoyable sex with my husband (and have done with other people before) that leaves me feeling satisfied, but there has never ever been a BOOM moment. I have zero complaints about my sex life, solo or partnered, but sometimes it is very obvious to me that i don't experience sex the way other women do. Or do they? Am i super weird or have romance novels mislead me?

OP’s posts: |
Mummabearofthree Sat 16-Jan-21 20:09:21

Every woman’s orgasm feels different, for me I can’t orgasm during penetration and only when my clit is stimulated.

joystir59 Sat 16-Jan-21 20:12:44

Orgasm is an unmistakeable intense peak of pleasurable pulsing sensations that ebb away. If you masturbate how does that end? Do you not continue until you come?

wishfuldreamer Sat 16-Jan-21 20:16:03

I've decided that I have different types of orgasm. I don't know if they are 'technically' orgasms, but I'm going with it. I do have the 'classic' building to a peak and then a massive, uncontrollable release - and it does feel amazing. I most often, these days, achieve it with a vibrator - i think i'm getting less sensitive as i get older.

But i've discovered a couple of different sensations too, that I had thought were sort of a 'failure' to orgasm, but I've decided not to see it that way. in particular, i get something at the end of very deep penetration (usually if i've been on top, but he's doing the thrusting), that i can almost 'make happen', which is a softer feeling, but a spasming of the muscles in my vagina/pelvic floor.

I also get something that doesn't have the muscular contraction, but gives me a very deep clitoral pleasure, that never peaks, but that plateaus and lasts flipping AGES. this seems to happen most in missionary type positions, but also if we're both sitting up, or if i have a leg on a shoulder.

I think the first one is a classic clitoral orgasm - ie that nub of the clitoris that is easy to locate under the hood. But, i read this article a few years ago (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/15/3d-model-clitoris-sexual-revolution-sex-education-womens-sexuality) and I wonder if these other sensations I have are from different parts of the clitoris being stimulated. since i stopped chasing that 'boom' clitoral orgasm, i've learned to enjoy so many different sensations during sex. it feels like a completely new experience these last 18 months. I'm loving it :-)

firstimemamma Sat 16-Jan-21 20:17:42

I do think that the vast majority of people think excellent sex & feeling satisfied equals orgasm so you're definitely in the minority there I'm afraid op. "Feeling satisfied" basically means having orgasms when it comes to sex. Could you order a bullet vibrator and give it a go? I guarantee you won't regret it! wink

Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 20:17:46

joystir59

Orgasm is an unmistakeable intense peak of pleasurable pulsing sensations that ebb away. If you masturbate how does that end? Do you not continue until you come?

Tbh, i tend to get bored/tired and then stop. I've never experienced any form of peak or anything like that. It fes excellent, and i feel satisfied after,but as I said, no BOOM.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 20:18:37

firstimemamma

I do think that the vast majority of people think excellent sex & feeling satisfied equals orgasm so you're definitely in the minority there I'm afraid op. "Feeling satisfied" basically means having orgasms when it comes to sex. Could you order a bullet vibrator and give it a go? I guarantee you won't regret it! wink

I have one, i use it a lot, it's great and i love it, still no peak/climax whatever.

OP’s posts: |
Truel Sat 16-Jan-21 20:21:10

Have you ever used a vibrator? The magic wand will get you there.

Highly recommended wink

Santaiscovidfree Sat 16-Jan-21 20:22:32

Maybe a different vibrator op? One with internal and outside bits /different style to the one you currently use..

Namenic Sat 16-Jan-21 20:38:18

My DH got me access to Omgyes (1-off payment). I thought it had good tips/ideas on there.

wishfuldreamer Sat 16-Jan-21 20:41:48

It might be that you need a more powerful/different style of vibrator, OP? but equally...if you enjoy what you're doing, and get pleasure and satisfaction from both solo and partnered play, I don't really think it matters if you experience orgasm in the way others describe it...

arethereanyleftatall Sat 16-Jan-21 20:43:26

Op, I feel EXACTLY the same. And I get thoroughly bored of women who clearly experience orgasms differently, coming on these threads to say we must be doing it wrong. I honestly think this is one of those things where many women feel like this, but won't admit it, because it feels like failure.
One thing for sure, there's at least two of us.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 16-Jan-21 20:48:13

I build and build, and then I'm finished. There's no peak as such.

stillhappytohelp Sat 16-Jan-21 20:52:07

I’m exactly the same as @arethereanyleftatall - I have a sensation that grows and grows and then disappears. I think this is an orgasm, way too many people push this idea that orgasms rock your whole body and ‘you’d know if you’d had one’ but I don’t really agree and like PPs have said, there’s many different types and everyone experiences them differently.

Like you OP, I am very satisfied with my sex life and have amazing sex. When I masturbate, I do it for a while as it feels good and then just stop when I get bored. I would not listen to anybody who tells you it can’t be that great if you’re not orgasming - I thoroughly disagree and I’m sure you do too!

Wroxie Sat 16-Jan-21 20:58:23

Trying to describe an orgasm is like trying to describe a colour without naming other colours -you can try and you can get really poetic about it but ultimately it's pointless.

So, the question is - at any point during sexual stimulation, do the muscles in and around your vagina contract and release involuntarily a few times? That's it. That's all an orgasm is, for all the blather it really is that simple. If you've not experienced the involuntary vaginal contractions then it's likely you've never had an orgasm, if that doesn't bother you and you still enjoy sex, then carry on.

Heartlantern2 Sat 16-Jan-21 21:00:31

People masturbate and stop when they get bored??! I’ve never heard of that ever! I guess I assumed everyone knew how to get themselves off? Learn something new every day.

I have a few different types of orgasms I guess?

When by myself it’s good and I can orgasm pretty quickly but falls flat straight after the high peak.

With DH the same put after peak lasts and that’s the ecstasy probably from your romantic books?

Penetration with other half is a different type of orgasm, not always reached, it kind of just feels really nice but not intense,

Then the fourth type....called a fake orgasm, which I did with my exes as I couldn’t get there with them and was too young and naive to say so.

Thank god I met DH really! His nothing special but he actually listens and takes cue very well which was practically life changing as I didn’t know any different before.

Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 21:43:57

arethereanyleftatall

I build and build, and then I'm finished. There's no peak as such.

Yes, this sounds like me!

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 21:44:50

Wroxie

Trying to describe an orgasm is like trying to describe a colour without naming other colours -you can try and you can get really poetic about it but ultimately it's pointless.

So, the question is - at any point during sexual stimulation, do the muscles in and around your vagina contract and release involuntarily a few times? That's it. That's all an orgasm is, for all the blather it really is that simple. If you've not experienced the involuntary vaginal contractions then it's likely you've never had an orgasm, if that doesn't bother you and you still enjoy sex, then carry on.

No, not involuntarily. Yeah, I'm not fussed, just felt like a bit of a weirdo!

OP’s posts: |
Still1nLove Sat 16-Jan-21 21:52:43

I have a rabbit vibrator. I can orgasm within minutes if the ‘ears’ are vibrating on my clitoris.

Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 21:53:46

Still1nLove

I have a rabbit vibrator. I can orgasm within minutes if the ‘ears’ are vibrating on my clitoris.

Yup, i have one, feels great but no "climax" moment.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Sat 16-Jan-21 21:55:51

I think there are two options here - either all women experience orgasm differently and i have them but they're not how most people experience them and that's fine, or i never have orgasms but still enjoy it and that's fine.

Not sure i feel any less of a weirdo, but this has confirmed that this is a quirk, not a problem. So that's fine too.

OP’s posts: |
Irishstout Sat 16-Jan-21 22:00:53

I'm like this @Ohalrightthen never got the peak sensation. It feel good but then sort of disappears. Always felt like I must be a bit broken tbh

Smidge001 Sat 16-Jan-21 22:14:08

@wroxie has it right. Climax is a word that really doesn't describe it to anyone who hasn't experienced it.
An orgasm is just a few seconds where the muscles contract/relax/contract/relax a few times completely involuntarily.
It might sound pretty odd but somehow it feels good.
Shame that the weird twitchy eye thing that I'm sure most people get every now and then doesn't feel the same, huh? grin

StarlightLady Sun 17-Jan-21 03:48:17

OP, are you focussing on the clitoris? It sound like you may be putting too much effort into sorrounding areas.

Veronika13 Sun 17-Jan-21 05:00:32

Wroxie is spot on with description. It’s huge involuntary contractions, so big that the area is sensitive to touch afterwards.
Otherwise you just have a pleasant enjoyable sex, but no orgasm.
As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.
I need an orgasm to feel satisfied. It’s a massive release I love it.

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