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Relationships

Partner problems advice please

26 replies

ChronicCam · 15/01/2021 15:55

Hello,
My partner and I have been 8n a relationship for almost 8 years now. It's been ok but recently I feel lost and fed up. He doesn't do anything and I mean anything at all doesn't work he has health issues, doesn't clean, doesn't help me with anything or shopping. He's become quite controlling too. Our joint money goes to his account and if I have to go to.the shop which is every day as he's asleep he checks what I've spent and speaks to me like a naughty child. He is ok to buy a bottle of vodka every day and his weed if I want anything sanitary towels shampoo etc I have to do online surveys rather than ask him as it'll be a battle. I don't even like being in the house as there's an atmosphere. Today he was awake before me playing his online games which is all he does. He'd stayed awake all night on it. I wanted to Hoover the living room and started to now i regret it. It put him in a mood and off his game. I've not been able to Hoover for months maybe 5 now because he is so lazy and won't pick the bed up. We are sleeping downstairs because upstairs needs decorating. I've been asking him to help for over a year. He always finds an excuse oh not with the dog or cat I had to rehome them. I've decluttered to get us going as it's a new year but he just avoids everything. Any suggestions i make about anything he's always the opposite or I'm wrong. For example the washing machine started smoking. I want to take a look at it so I suggested removing the drum he said no we'll just leave it then. He sleeps all day in the living room and I have to tip toe around scared to disturb him. I can't live like this. If i bring anything up he shuts me down. I just want a normal life. I can't even open the curtains in the room. It got so bad at one point because he won't let me clean that we had book lice all over the window ledges. I'm appalled and feel disgusted that he doesn't mind it yet complains it's not clean or tidy wtaf. He seems so happy playing his game with his online friends as soon as he stops he turns on me and isn't a nice person at all. I do think he has some kind of autism or something as some of the things he will say to people you just wouldn't. I have grandchildren and when they visit I don't want them walking in on a dirty bedsit as that's what it looks like. He just doesn't care or even notice how wrong it all is. He wasn't like this at first. Now he blames anxiety which he has when it suits him. It's turning me into an anxious introvert which I'm not but his behaviour is affecting me and I feel a shell of myself. He has hit me in the past but not since. I seem to have become a yes person and quite meek around him. I don't like conflict but if i do ask him about thing he sees it as a threat and becomes aggressive in his tone whixh puts me in defence mode. I'm now too scared to say how I feel now which is ridiculous. If he wants something I drop everything and sort it out. I don't really know how to tackle this with him without getting his defences up. At the moment we seem very seperate i spend my days tip toeing upstairs while he festers downstairs only to engage with me when he's had enough to drink and his gaming goes well. I know physically he can't do much with arthritis and a lung condition but I myself have chronic pain syndrome Chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis, ibs and I'm blind but I still do as much as i can. All I want is a clean home and a bit of normality. It hurts me deeply when he bangs on about how funny his pals are on his game when I'm sitting next to him blanked. If i pick up my phone he loses the plot saying I'm not engaging etc. His new issue is of i use anything wirh fragrance if i use bleach or any cleaning products he has a go at me he can't stand strong smells. I can't use my skincare products or anything as it smells. To me it feels like anything I enjoy needs to stop as it affects him. I just don't understand what is going on or how to bring up these problems with him without a row. A petty disagreement can last for hours for example I ate a snack he said he didn't want them they're disgusting and the next day he spent 3 hours having a go about me eating the last one. I mean how do you deal with someone who becomes so irrational over things.

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Thingsdogetbetter · 15/01/2021 15:59

By leaving! Dear god, that sounds like hell and the complete opposite of a partnership - even an unloving one. Go stay with one of your dc, force a house sale, take a lose if you have to and choose life!