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To ask him out?

(39 Posts)
Roughandready Thu 14-Jan-21 20:02:12

Some background in case it’s relevant- Im separated a year ago from my exh. I’ll be honest, I’ve found it difficult. What he did to me by leaving / possible OW as been hard to cope with. We have two kids and have an amicable relationship but I still feel very angry at what’s he done. But I can honestly say I don’t love him anymore. I’m actually quite happy in myself and have amazing friends around me who have been a free support.

I reconnected with an old work colleague a few months ago. He’s a tradesman now and been doing some work in my house. So we’ve been chatting loads when he’s been in and messaging in between. I know he’s single.
I’d like to ask him out but I’ve literally never done anything like this before! Do men like being asked out?
I’d imagine I come across as pretty confident to him (single mum setting up my own house, professional job etc ) but inside I’m shitting myself!
I’m not actually worried about the rejection. I think I can handle that- what will be will be and all that!
It’s just all so unknown and I feel like a teenager trying to navigate through this!
Any advice would be really great!!

OP’s posts: |
xLoveMEorNOTx Fri 15-Jan-21 00:09:57

You maybe should give it a go with new guy but if u still love partner than give it a go 1000% Know how you feel I have been in an off in situations ap for bout 4yrs and i don't know weather I'm coming or going but I do know I love him dearly ...don't know what do do ....i don't want do hurt his family as he has 2 young dc under the age of 5 ....i just wish he would be honest and I would leave him alone indefinitely x

Palavah Fri 15-Jan-21 00:15:31

@roughandready go for it! You can be lighthearted about how in normal times you'd be able to go for a beer after work etc.

bonfireheart Fri 15-Jan-21 00:15:41

What's the vibe that he gives when he talks to you?
Lockdown doesn't help because you can't casually ask him out for a coffee. I'd be wary of asking a man for a first date in the house cos that might make them want more cos the bedroom is only a few feet away! Maybe send him a text after he's finished the work in your house, least that way if he says 'no thank you' then you won't have to face him again!

seensome Fri 15-Jan-21 00:16:02

I have asked men out in the past but finds it puts them off or they were never that interested in the first place, has never worked for me but not saying it can't for others. If you give him some hints and like you say if your messaging anyway, he might ask you in time.

Palavah Fri 15-Jan-21 00:16:38

xLoveMEorNOTx

You maybe should give it a go with new guy but if u still love partner than give it a go 1000% Know how you feel I have been in an off in situations ap for bout 4yrs and i don't know weather I'm coming or going but I do know I love him dearly ...don't know what do do ....i don't want do hurt his family as he has 2 young dc under the age of 5 ....i just wish he would be honest and I would leave him alone indefinitely x

Men would rather walk over hot coals than have to tell you they don't want to be with you any more. Save yourself the drama and cut him loose.

Shouldershrugger Fri 15-Jan-21 00:26:00

Do it. As cliche as it sounds, life is too short. We have all learnt that lesson since this whole mess.
You could test the waters and ask him if he's seeing someone. If he says no, then just say ''interesting'' with a smile.. sounds corny but it bloody works. If he says yes then respond with that's a shame 🤣 Good luck 👍

scoobydoo1971 Fri 15-Jan-21 00:28:10

I was in exactly the same place as you a few months ago. I met my boyfriend because he came to do emergency repairs to my house. I definitely wasn't looking to date anyone. We just got chatting and clicked. He says he knew as soon as I opened the door to him, and I felt the same. I read some body language that made me think he was interested as he did repairs. He text me about a job quote right away, and we started texting about work, life, lockdown etc. I made a joke about being Crazy cat lady (I have 4) and he said he wouldn't mind a crazy cat lady in his life. He came back to do another job weeks later, and it was like flirting teenagers at that point. He wouldn't ask me out as it overstepped professional boundaries (he later said). Once he left, I text him with a big hint that we should catch up at some stage over coffee...and he replied in about 10 seconds enthusiastically agreeing. It has been amazing, and I feel like I have met my best friend. He told me he loved me on Christmas day, and cannot imagine how life would now be without a crazy cat lady in his world. Life is short, if you get this wrong you never have to see him again, go for it...just make the proposition something vague like a coffee or walk in the park...you don't have to mention 'date' and he will jump at the chance if he has any interest. Good luck!!

Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 01:12:40

Thanks and to the PPs who said ‘life is short’ that’s how I feel. My life has changed unbelievably in the past 2 years (not just the separation) and I now just think you can’t rest on your laurels. But equally at heart I’m a cautious person who has stability after a long period of none.
@scoobydoo1971 that’s a lovely story!! I do wonder if he wouldn’t ask me out directly due to feeling he was overstepping a professional boundary. But we did have a joke about drinking cocktails and it did seem we were both keen to meet.

Im not sure why I’m so cautious , but I’ve never dated or been with anyone except my exh.
But we seem to get on really well and have similar views of things. I’ve went through abit of a man hater stage but he seems very down to earth and it would seem quite easy to dip my toe in the water with him so to speak.

OP’s posts: |
Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 01:18:17

@bonfireheart yeah it’s quite flirty at times but not overly so if that makes sense. Lighthearted is maybe a better to describe it. He has popped over a few times for minor reasons / things that could probably have waited. I definitely get a vibe from him.
I like messaging him but don’t want to keep doing that without being clear of my intentions. I’m not even looking for something serious at this stage.

OP’s posts: |
SaladBowlsAndBasinsAndBuckets Fri 15-Jan-21 01:21:48

Do it! I posted your post 2 1/2 years ago and DP is now asleep in my bed while I'm mumsnetting. Good luck!

Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 01:57:40

@SaladBowlsAndBasinsAndBuckets
Love it!!

I can’t sleep tonight so I’ve Facebook stalked him 😂
I’m going to message him in the morning. He cAn only say no and if he does I’ve not lost anything whatsoever!!

OP’s posts: |
Rockinmomma Fri 15-Jan-21 02:12:24

Eagerly following hoping for a lovely update grin

SnowflakeCulture Fri 15-Jan-21 02:13:16

If he wants to ask you out he'll do it himself
If he's not asking, he's not interested

Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 02:23:03

@SnowflakeCulture but what if he’s thinking the same about me and no one ever asks anyone out?
I’m willing to take the risk! If he says no then , it’s a lesson learned and I’ll go back to be happy on my own.

OP’s posts: |
katy1213 Fri 15-Jan-21 02:32:42

Go on, ask him - you've nothing to lose! As there's nowhere to go at the moment, you don't have to make a big deal of it. Maybe ask if he'd like to join you for a walk at the weekend? If there's no Covid-police in sight, bring a flask with those cocktails!

grassisjeweled Fri 15-Jan-21 02:38:59

What are you going to say? I'd keep it real casual and be like 'Fancy a brew?'

Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 02:43:17

@grassisjeweled I think I’m just to message what the previous poster suggested above and ask if he’s seeing anyone. We’ve had enough banter for it not to come out the blue (I think!).
I’ll probably suggest a walk as theres loads of places round here that are quiet.

OP’s posts: |
snowliving Fri 15-Jan-21 02:57:40

I asked DH out.
Been together for over 25 years.
There are no certainties in life but there is no harm in asking.

StarlightLady Fri 15-Jan-21 05:39:40

Don’t be backward in coming forward. I’d go for it. The only caviat l would put on it is that l’d wait for any of the work he is doing on the house to finish first.

There are few opportunities to go anywhere at the moment so it might be boudoir rather than trattoria.

I’m of the age now (early 40s) where l go for what l want and it works. I’ve had men say to me that they have never been asked on a date by a woman before. And when l’ve made the first move and asked someone for sex he said l had made a fantasy come true by me asking him.

Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 07:30:58

@StarlightLady @snowliving
Thanks.
He messaged this morning so I just took the plunge as asked him, so he said yes! He said he was wanting to ask me but bottled out last time we saw each other.
So after not a lot of sleep, that’s perked me up!!

OP’s posts: |
StarlightLady Fri 15-Jan-21 08:42:28

OP, hopefully you will be getting less sleep soon for other reasons. You see, sisters really need to do it for themseves.

My anthem is “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys If you don’t know it, Google it, listen to it.

Hope all goes well flowers.

litterbird Fri 15-Jan-21 08:49:29

Oh, this is lovely, I got all warm and fuzzy when you posted he said yes! Good luck OP x

Roughandready Fri 15-Jan-21 08:56:35

@StarlightLady well here’s hoping!
It’s all abit surreal but feeling really good about it. It’s a step forward for me.
I do know the song! I like the ‘strong women’ playlists on Spotify and it’s on that!
I’m going to meet with him next weekend for a walk (unless I need any emergency repairs before that winkgrin ) and can take it from there.

OP’s posts: |
chocolatespiders Fri 15-Jan-21 09:03:58

Op enjoy it.. Nothing like a new love interest especially in boring January!!

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