Hi, a few weeks ago, I asked my DP to move out. Since I was pregnant (I have a toddler daughter), he has sulked, nitpicked, accused me of having affairs etc. He has explosive shouting bouts sometimes. At its worst, he was waking me up to shout at me. He has read my diaries. So it goes on. Every party, every occasion such as xmas, I have always done something wrong. I might find out 3 weeks later but I've talked to someone else for too long or sat in.the wrong place etc. Then he shouts. I can't reason with him. If i am quiet, that's wrong. If I try to state my viewpoint, it's just fuel for more shouting.
Recently, I decided that I had had enough. Told him he needs to go. It's my property. He hasn't contributed much. I was trying to keep the family going but I can't do it any more. He has threatened to leave us probably 20 times anyway, right from birth.
He is still here though, past his own proposed deadline to move out. He said once he's got his new property, he will come to get his stuff bits at a time and when he moves his furniture out, he doesn't want me to be there. He also wants to see my daughter every day.
How do I protect my furniture and property, keep my daughter with me as that's safest and keep this as amicable as possible? I am pretty quiet and grey rock (googled technique) as he gets angry quickly. It doesn't stop so I panic and leave the house. It's happened maybe 20 times.
He can never see it. And says I am the shouty one. He says he's never done anything wrong and that everything's my fault. I just want to be able to relax in my own home. I also want a happy life for my daughter.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Hand hold please - asked DP to move out
TitaniumTess · 12/12/2020 07:14
First of all 
it's hard isn't it.
As far as his belongings, do you have a (preferably male) family member who could be onsite to supervise him collecting his stuff. As far as a timetable, I would be a bit flexible because if he's only able to go into furnished accommodation he won't have much space, however his personal effects should be removed in one go, I suggest a 3 hour window for him to return to pack up. Alternatively you pack up his stuff of course. Experts recommend little and often for contact with toddlers, if you can facilitate most days then it is best for her, again ideally you can be amicable and trusting enough that he can spend time together with you and her sometimes, especially if his own living arrangements aren't child friendly but this doesn't work for everyone. (My friends ex puts the kids to bed some nights and stays in the evening so she can go to work, works for them
It will take time to get the right arrangement for you, and try to press upon him to consider anger management help. My ex was a bit like that, but we have a good relationship now as just friends
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.