What would you do?

[kay1981]

My DH and I have been married for 6 years and have a 15 month old DS. Most of the time things are ok (though there is no initamacy ), but when we argue, he says some really hurtful things, calling me stupid, thick, fat - horrible things that he knows will make me cry.

We argued on saturday night and he told me he didnt care whether me and our son left or not - in fact he even offered to help me pack!

When we argue, I just feel like packing our (me and DS) things and going, but when we not arguing, it doesnt seem that bad. I had to apologise to him because I know he would have never come to me to apologise, I know that sounds childish, but it really hurts.

He says he loves me, but Im not sure, I havent lost much of my baby weight and I think (in fact I know) that is an issue for him.

He has slapped me across the face once because i "was being hysterical", but I was shouting at him because he was shouting at me. I think, if he lost his temper again, he would do it again, but he always says I push him too far.

He is very controlling, I have to text him ANYTIME I go ANYWHERE, text him where I get there, when Im leaving, when I return home. I just cant see it getting better or changing at all. What would you do in my situation and what help would I get if I finally had enough and left after one arguement too many?
x

[Anna8888]

Kay1981 - this sounds terrible. I don't know why you say "most of the time things are OK" - it doesn't OK at all to me.

Why don't you ask your GP whether you could see a counsellor - and if that fails, ask Relate. But go on your own, don't tell your partner. You should not be putting up with this verbal abuse and controlling behaviour.

[justthehousekeeper]

Oh you poor thing. If you can see a big green exit sign then go through it, I know it's easy for someone else to say but if you can go, then do.
I left hubby number one cos there was no intimacy - and things were ok - but I was so lonely and on a downhill spiral. Do you have family that you can bunk with until you can find your feet?

[pollywollydooooooooodle]

i would get out.

i wouldn't stay with a man who was out to keep me downtrodden by being physically and emotionally aggressive. the baby weight is a side issue IMHO ....it seems like another thing to beat you with and he's attacking you in such a way that you are unlikely to lose it (ie you would be losing it for him and why would you want to do that?)

i wouldn't wait for "one argument too many" with an aggressive man but would go in a planned way when he was not there to somewhere he couldnt get at me..
.
there are others on the site who can help more than me with the practicalities.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[MaeBee]

i would get out. immediately. you owe it to yourself. and to your child. don't for a minute kid yourself you are staying for the sake of your DS. your DS will witness the way your husband treats you, and children learn by imitation.
sorry for being so harsh, but this is obviously an abusive relationship. it isn't just physical abuse (the once slapping you) thats problematic, its the controlling behaviour.
prepare yourself emotionally and practically for leaving, cos its going to be a rough ride, but not as rough as staying. i would suggest contacting Womens Aid or a local helpline to talk through your options.
good luck. x.

[WinkyWinkola]

So he'd help you pack but wants to keep tabs on you whenever you go out?

This sounds like such controlling behaviour. He'd take away your home in a second? You must feel so miserable. You and your DS deserve more than this.

You can give your DS the security he needs - that you both need. Your DH can't - he seems to think that hitting you is your fault (you were hysterical? - HE was the one who lost control by hitting you).

Please get out and take back control of your life. Don't let your H bully you like this. It sounds horrible.

[carolcoles]

Personally I'd get out, but as justthehousekeeper says it's easy for me to say. Only you know what is the right thing to do and I would guess that posting on here may be the first step to admitting that you are thinking of leaving him!The way he speaks to you is not the way you speak to someone you love, me and my dh have rows, everyone does but the name calling and running you down are way beyond a row, it's emotional abuse.

Has he always behaved this way or has it started recently?

I hope you can sort something out and no doubt all the people who will post on here and tell you that you don't deserve to be treated this way will make you feel a bit better about yourself. Good luck in what ever you decide to do