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Argument over what my baby will call me

(46 Posts)
alisha556655 Sat 05-Dec-20 23:45:18

So I was speaking to someone close to me about mine and my gf’s plans on trying to conceive and she seemed relatively supportive. But had then asked what the baby would refer to us as, I said the baby would call her mum and me “maa” “amma” or “mamma”. She asked why I wouldn’t just be “mum” because the other terms are childish, they’ll get taken the piss out of at school and complained it was too confusing and unnecessary for the child 🙄. Obviously at this point I got offended reminding her that they are words for “mother” from my dad and grandparents native language and asked her to mind her own fucking business

Shit has gone down and it’s caused rifts in the family. I’m pissed off 😡

OP’s posts: |
alisha556655 Sat 05-Dec-20 23:47:40


OP’s posts: |
Musicalmistress Sat 05-Dec-20 23:49:11

We've got a child in our setting with a mummy & a mama. Nobody is confused least of all the child.
It's no one else's business to comment on & I'd not be long in telling them so!

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 05-Dec-20 23:50:32

Very odd. It’s no one’s business but yours, your GF’s and the child you’ll have what they call you.

alisha556655 Sat 05-Dec-20 23:54:01

Exactly! I don’t see what business of hers it was that I’d use more unusual terms to be referred to by my child but for her to then drag other people into it and make me out to be a potential shit mother really drives me insane. I really regret opening up to her now, she’s thrown my trust in her back in my face

OP’s posts: |
User6655645 Sun 06-Dec-20 00:04:41

I think you overreacted if I'm honest. She was offering an opinion. Do you always react like that when someone disagrees with you?

pallisers Sun 06-Dec-20 00:07:37


I think you overreacted if I'm honest. She was offering an opinion. Do you always react like that when someone disagrees with you?

She wasn't asked to give an opinion. She gave one that wasn't asked for or needed.

The OP isn't reacting to someone offering an opinion that disagrees with her. She is reacting to someone who was impertinent, rude and intrusive.

BewareTheBeardedDragon Sun 06-Dec-20 00:10:50

Those all seem perfectly sensible and unremarkable ways for a child to refer to their mother - she's an arse and should mind her own business.
I mean, it's pretty much the stupidest thing ever to say that what a not yet conceived child will call their parents is 'childish' !?!

Groovinpeanut Sun 06-Dec-20 00:12:59

You're always going to get people who feel the need to voice some very bizarre/hurtful/puzzling and inappropriate opinions.
Don't let their opinions impact on you or your life.
You and your partner decide on your chosen name to be known as by your child. It's nobody else's business!

HoobleDooble Sun 06-Dec-20 00:15:06

I think your child will decide for itself anyway. I was 'Bubby' for the first 3 years, no matter how hard I tried to get him to say Mummy 😁

PinGwyn Sun 06-Dec-20 00:16:06

Tbh it sounds like everyone involved has gone over the top with this.

People tend to give unwarranted opinions on everything lots of things when it comes to raising children and whilst it's annoying there really isn't any point in turning it into a full scale family issue. This really isn't that big of a deal.

FWIW any same sex parents I know just go by Mum/Dad (first name) but you don't always get a say - I've always encouraged plain old Mum (personal thing but I really dislike baby terms so steered clear of Mummy/Mama) and now my 7yo calls me Mum/First name or Mama because she's clicked that I cringe every time i hear it 😂

Basically though it's no one else's business what you choose to go by so just ignore and move on.

Barmbraic Sun 06-Dec-20 00:19:24

I have two dc and they swap between about five different names for me and dh uses a sixth when talking about me to them. None of the names is what I thought I'd chose for myself, but they are all perfect when my dc say them. Your family member needs to keep their beak out, but you may need to let your preference be a little flexible.

KleinBlue Sun 06-Dec-20 00:24:16

In my experience, the moment your child develops a mind of his or her own, that child will decide what to call you, regardless of the best-laid plans. I have lesbian friends who planned to be Mummy and Mama and are now Mimi and Murmur to their four year old. DS calls me an invented pet name and calls all his grandparents by abbreviations of their first names.

Enko Sun 06-Dec-20 00:25:03

I have a 50 year old friend who still calls her mother for mummy.. I have a friend in her 30s who calls hers mama I get who they mean when they mention them its not hard. Stick with what you want op.

NotPrude Sun 06-Dec-20 00:27:22

I’m in an interracial relationship and am pregnant. A few weeks ago we had the same conversation with my in laws and I said I would want my child to call me mama, because in my native culture, that’s what you call your mum. DH wants to be called dad / daddy.

We had the same raised eyebrows and the exact same comments about being bullied. I just said I’ve always called my mum mama and my dad baba and I was never bullied for it.

Clearly for a lot of people, using the traditional English mum and dad is too much to handle. Ignore them, and do it your way. Your child, your language, your rules.

And ignore those on this thread who suggest you’re sensitive...they don’t know what they’re talking about.

NotAQueef Sun 06-Dec-20 00:28:04

I’m mama to both my children(straight btw) they chose it. Mummy didn’t stick with the eldest, so Mama it is. Eldest just turned 10.
I have heard him refer to me as “my Mum” in conversation so what works at home is often adapted to circs.
Use whatever names you want, others’ opinions are irrelevant.

corythatwas Sun 06-Dec-20 00:41:40

By the time your baby is old enough to be bullied, they'll no doubt take the precaution to refer to you as something that doesn't get them bullied outside of the house. That bit you can't control. But that doesn't mean you can't have your own name inside the family.

I am mamma to my dc, I was mummy outside the house for the first 8 years or so, then mum. No problem.

sergeilavrov Sun 06-Dec-20 00:51:22

What a ridiculous response from that individual. We're a multicultural family (5 grandparents, all with names our DS's use in different languages) in a multicultural community and our children don't bat an eyelid at how other families communicate. Our kindergarten has a lot of different family types too: children accept their surroundings as normal, maybe ask a question, but when answered - no problem. It's a wonderful thing.

How come your family let something as simple as names cause a rift? How did it get back to them? Seems like there might be deeper issues. Ultimately, it's your business what you're referred to as.

Tannins Sun 06-Dec-20 00:57:08

It is exactly the same as calling grandparents by whichever word is specific to their culture and background. My DC have a Grandpa and Nonna from my side, and we talk about their Grand-da and Granny (dec.) from their father’s side.

I had similar “unusual” titles for my grandparents and great grandparents, no one else I knew called them what I did - and I was very proud of it! Loved explaining why we called our family members what we did.

It is up to you as parents, no one else!

OzziePopPop Sun 06-Dec-20 01:01:10

My son calls me mama and used to call his grandmother grandmama, he’s 10. Grandmama is now grand but I’m still mama. I’ve never asked him to call me mama, refer to myself as mum or mummy (my 14 year old daughter still calls me mummy, her choice too) no one had ever ever suggested grandmama to him either, I guess he heard it at nursery or was playing with sounds... they’re happy though so who cares!

Your children will ultimately develop their own names for you, mum, mummy, mama, mam etc based on their own likes. Perhaps earlier than you think too, my son was two when grandmama came about (hence it possibly coming from nursery). Neither child has ever been ostracised at school or picked on due to what they (sometimes very loudly) call me!

Oh, his dad’s still dada too, I forgot that! Also not a problem!

katy1213 Sun 06-Dec-20 01:04:16

Are you always so aggressive?

Notthe9oclocknewsathon Sun 06-Dec-20 01:05:38

My kids call me mama. They don’t have another female parent and I didn’t plan it, they just call me that. It really isn’t a big deal. Your relative sounds unhinged.

NotPrude Sun 06-Dec-20 01:06:57


I can’t see where she was aggressive? Which bit do you mean?

katy1213 Sun 06-Dec-20 01:10:06

Telling someone to mind their own fucking business?

NotPrude Sun 06-Dec-20 01:12:42


But does her friend’s actions and words not matter? It would hurt for someone you trust to belittle your plans and culture in such a way.

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