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Relationships

What's worse?

9 replies

HornbeamLane · 04/12/2020 20:22

Baby of 5 months. Bad relationship (I've posted before).
What's worse, being a single mum at 32 with a small baby? Or, being with someone who deep down you know you're not truly happy with?
We've argued since I was pregnant and I just don't feel I can hack it anymore. He did the minimum when baby was born up to now (he's now doing more as can see I'm on the edge of leaving); issue is, I'm now armed to do it alone as that's what effectively I was doing.
I'm a professional and inherited recently (sadly) so I'd be okay financially on my own. We're not married. I also have a great family and amazing friends for emergencies / help / time needed to do things, though partner I have no doubt would be involved and want custody. I think he would make it hard for me though. He's like that.
I know everyone's situation is different but I'd just like to know whether if I left, I could be happy?

OP posts:

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Suzi888 · 04/12/2020 20:25

See a solicitor. It doesn’t sound like you could be any unhappier. What have you got to lose? Unless you love him ..

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Pipandmum · 04/12/2020 20:26

Well you aren't happy now either are you? Hes not exactly helping so what do you have to loose by leaving?

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MikeUniformMike · 04/12/2020 20:27

Sorry about your loss.

Might your bereavement be part of why things are not working out?
If you think that the relationship is salvageable, couples counselling might help.

I think you already know the answer.

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ChristmasFluff · 04/12/2020 20:29

Of course it is worse staying when you are unhappy.

You can demonstrate that to your child by leaving.

You are so young. You WILL end this relationship eventiually anyway. Why wait?

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unicornsnowflakes · 04/12/2020 22:49

I'm a single mum, actually I became a single mum on my bday with a under two. And let me tell you I'm living the best life.

The peace that comes from leaving such a negative situation is unreal. At times I feel a little sad but then I remember the anxiety of him just being there

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HornbeamLane · 04/12/2020 23:09

@unicornsnowflakes thank you. I think that gives me a bit of faith that things won't always be bad. May I ask what it is that makes you so happy? Is it your little one? I know mine makes me so happy. I dance around with her and we have such a lovely time. I just get scared to make a wrong decision that will impact not only me, but her, forever

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unicornsnowflakes · 04/12/2020 23:34

My son is the world to me, when I saw that my ex didn't factor in our child when he was acting like a fool, crying or shouting in front of him, ( as in our son was in the other room and I would tell him this wasn't the time, he didn't understand that) I had to end it, I tried for our ds because he could be a good df at time.

The lying and cheating, when he would leave for a week or two were just extras but it was my ds happiest.

For the first month I spent a lot of time just playing with him, chilling in front of the tv, going for walks together. Taking time to relax and just play. Obviously I had other things to do, but I really didn't care about cleaning etc cause I needed to maintain good care for myself and ds.

Since then I have focused on my ds, it sounds simple but truly there isn't anything more important, I was always the main parent cause my ex works a 70 hour week, but instead of thinking I should be doing this and that like others my age, I think what does he want to do today.

I'm just extremely lucky I did it in January and didn't have to spend lockdown with him. I don't know how your dp with take it, mine harassed me for 2 weeks, and then disappeared completely. Only to resurface for some clothes, not ds.

Also TikTok helped a lot, so many other have the same feeling as me.

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wewillmeetagain · 05/12/2020 10:36

I'm a single mum to four. It's so much easier without an extra man child to factor in as well. You don't need him and when you and your child fall into a routine without him you will wonder what took you so long to leave.

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HornbeamLane · 06/12/2020 08:57

@wewillmeetagain
Thank you that makes me feel better. We would need to live together whilst the house is sold and I'm concerned about custody too. How did that all pan out for you? Is your ex involved and if so, to what extent?
I'm very concerned mine would try and take DD for more time than would be beneficial to her considering her age