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right about to email H any thougths/input on wording? am trying best not to be confrontational.(12 Posts)
what I want to say is your a shit father even thou everyone think's you're brilliant, your an emotionally stunted 7 year old really how is acting like a prize one prick!
but need to word it so it sounds a bit better. am now emailing everything rather than verbal, so he actually gets the point/listens as everytime I say something a bit close to the knuckle/a little too true he storms off like a little baby back to his single room and single mates - tosser!
What exactly are you trying to get across...? that he needs to improve his parenting, that he's being immature, that he's upsetting the children?
are you separating?
anything you write down he can use as a weapon against you in future
why can't you discuss this face to face?
Why don't you concentrate on what you what to happen rather than venting.
Rather than say "you're a shit father" why don't you say " your child needs yopu so much and when you do x it is very difficult for him/her. Do you think you could understand that and find some way to do y more. Your children will benefit and life for all of us will be so much easier.
ruby - I know basically he won't listen he runs away everytime I say to him - for example DS is v v insecure right now and needs a lot of cuddles/reassurance - rather than H be there when he can (and I know he can be) he chooses to see him for 15 mins and then say well waht do u want me to do about it?? apparently he no longer loves me his actions are speaking differntly thou. and i'm not 100% he actually knows what he's doing/is happy with his choice anymore.
lapin - really I want to shake him and say get a grip man, we're about for the next 3 months you should be spending all the time u can with your son - when we're 60 miles away he won't bother his arse to come see us iycwim.
pag - I need help in organising the thoughts! lol. I know if I vent it will get me no where but after being controlled for so bloody long I need to vent and get him to understand this isn't good enough. he;s the type where you ahve to plant the idea and let it grow.
he's having 3 weeks off over xmas and going to his mothers 200 miles away - he'll see DS for 1 day in 3 weeks off. it's just not good enough in my book.
(and I realise there are those a lot worse off/don't actually see their children but I live a 2 min walk currently he's home at 4.30 DS is a bed at 7) why can't he come round for half an hour at least? he's too bloody busy wiht his single mates. and DS is pushed way down his list of prorities.
I think you need to say something like "You don't love me anymore - fine. But you don't seem to love your son anymore either and that is absolutely NOT RIGHT. He needs his dad and he doesn't understand why you don't want to spend more time with him - and neither do I. In a few months you will not have the luxury that you have now of being close enough to pop over and play with him, and you will regret losing this precious time."
Are you coming to live down here with us Pompey types?
ooh yes I am - are you down there?do you need any help with the xmas thingy you're doing? I can offer a lending hand - we're in the area often! lol.
I really don't understand what's going on with him I really don't - is it me or isn't it - he carrys his wedding rings on his keys still - he left all (and I mean all) the wedding pics on the walls he seems to be going thru the motions.
last week I said to him are you happier and he said 'it's ok' followed by I don't know what it's like' as in to live as a single in the flat alone as he was in the house without his mates. hes' acting like a 16 year old - seriously not a married man of 25.
regardless of what happens with us - if I choose to let him back or not he should be there for DS. (or am I wrong in thinkin that?) I get the feeling he wants to keep a foot in both ponds - have me and DS dangling while he properly makes up his mind (but i'm not going to let that happen)
what do we think to this?
I thought i'd write you an email as then you can't storm off when I say something you don't like.
at the mintue I don't feel like you and XX are spending enough time together - I know you go away with work but at the minute he has to fit in with your plans when you can see him - this is not fair on him, it is not good enough when you live 2 minutes away to see him for 15 mins. I told you he was insecure, and you asked what do you want me to do about it - maybe nothing but you should care where your son is at right now. he needs to see more of you, and I feel as if because you have walked out on me you take this as walking out on him - and that you now stay down in your room, when you could come and see your son for his bath/bed time.
in 2/3 months time you won't have the luxury of coming over when you feel like it - we will be 60 miles away and then it will be when you can afford to come and see him/ring him. at this stage I would have thought you'd want to spend as much time as poss with him esp as we've been away for so long when you've not seen him.
sounds really really critical (understandably) particularly with phrases like 'not good enough' and 'I would have thought'
How about just 'he misses you, do you think you could come over a bit more often'?
You can't make him do anything and I'm really sorry you're going through this
And whatever you do remember that the written word hangs around forever
DTM, we are in Southsea - I think I'm OK with the Christmas thing for now but we should grab Saltire and go for coffee
Perhaps reword this so that all the negative, accusatory phrases are gone, because they wont make him feel willing to cooperate. Even if he deserves the remarks!
I know we both want what is best for LS. (little son).
LS is feeling insecure right now, and Id like us to set aside our differences and do what is best for LS. Little Son loves it when you spend time with him. Id like you to come over every evening from 6-7 (or whatever time you, as his mother, want), play with LS, read to him, bathe him, and put him to bed. This would be your time together each day. It needs to be every day at same time so that LS knows he will see you every day.
This is something we can do in the next 2-3 months as we have the opportunity now, while you are so close by. We can both be pleasant to each other during your visits, because we are doing this for our son.