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Falling too hard/quickly(9 Posts)
I've met a new man. He excites me. But I fall for someone very hard, very easily and very quickly. New man has been on the scene for 2-3 weeks. I have butterflies when I think about him, I long for him when he is not there, I need to speak to him every day (but don't). Im not going to see him for a week (due to his work commitments) and I am already thinking that he is no longer interested and the work commitments dont exist. I have no reason to think they don't.
Am I needy ? how do I overcome this neediness ?
Assuming he isnt fanning the flames by 'love bombing' you? That manipulation can make us fall fast.
Otherwise, could it be a self esteem issue? Are you generally happy when you are single?
You should emotionally just take a little step back, you don't know him that well yet but trust what he says at face value unless he proves to let you down, he hasn't done yet and the it's only a week away? if he's interested in you then he will keep up the communication, leave him to initiate the messages or calls most of the time, a man that wants to keep hold of you won't go silent so stop worrying for now.
@Bunnymumy - no, no love bombing. I have massive self esteem issues.
@seensome - yes, i def need to take an emotional step back. Let him do the chasing, wait for him to message me. I am always too keen with blokes, every single time. I fall hard and fast, way too fast. I let other things slip in my life (not friends) when there is a bloke on the scene. I can think of nothing else but the bloke. He dominates everything I do, I can concentrate. Im like a love sick teenager.
Hi OP - I think you’ve realised that it isn’t a good idea to jump in so fast. This man is a virtual stranger and you are letting him have a central place in your life without finding out if he is a good match. I would try to slow things down and not allow yourself to get carried away. Also, assuming he’s lying about work seems a big leap to make. It’s all a bit rushed and intense for a very new relationship. I think it’s good that you’re questioning your own behaviour as that’s the first step to change.
Perhaps you could go on some dates with more men. If you are seeing a few at once it'll hopefully stop you overfocussing on one.
Just make sure you are clued up on red flags to look out for.
Date a few for a couple of months before deciding to focus on any one. Bu that time, the unsuitable ones will have hopefully weeded themselves out. And if things don't work out with this one, you wont mind as you'll have others about.
I agree with what others have said. Slow down & continue with your own interests.
No advice as such but I'm exactly the same. Its rare I like someone but when I do I fall in love deeply and fast. Now I'm older, in reflection I think I've stayed in relationships far longer than I should have done as a result.
Maybe you could consider some form of therapy for obsessive thinking, something that might help you to break this habit of letting your thoughts go haywire when you meet someone new!
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