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Is there anything more repulsive than a man-child?

(35 Posts)
ManOrAnimal Sun 22-Nov-20 04:34:21

Hands down I'm with a man child. Obviously everything wrong with the relationship is somehow my problem or my issue. I didn't notice his ridiculous over the top man-child behaviour until we had a child. Because of the hours we both worked we spent little time together that wasn't fun socialising. Well now covid has put paid to that, I've had a baby and been on maternity, I'm fairly certain my body has clamped shut and is just repulsed by the mere thought of his repugnant self, moaning daily about something or other and being generally self righteous or hurt if I point out any shortcomings (and there are tonnes). I honestly feel I've walked into some messed up time warp and I'm living in a 1950s/current day nightmare mash up! Even his mum has weighed in on a couple of things and yet when I change my plans to accommodate the petulant man-child he didn't actually want to do what he fought for. He just wanted to look like father of the bloody year and me the ogre. I've just spent 2.5 hours settling our baby back to sleep and he couldn't even be bothered to assist. He never does and has never helped even though he told me all the things he'd do with the baby he's done nothing.

Thank goodness I'm back at work and earning full again. I'm going to need it when this wendy house castle comes crashing down.

OP’s posts: |
Anordinarymum Sun 22-Nov-20 04:40:16

Do you feel better for venting OP ?

mamakena Sun 22-Nov-20 04:53:18

Beware, these types can turn into deadly snakes if they sense they're losing control of you. You need to decide clearly in your heart if you see any future here. If not, don't try to beg, wheedle, nag him to change. Don't ever threaten to leave. Just decide. If you opt to stay, shut up and put up. If you opt to leave, plan meticulously, move far far away and never look back.

XDownwiththissortofthingX Sun 22-Nov-20 04:59:27

It amazes me time after time that so many men, seemingly entirely without thought, happily father children with no apparent understanding of what having small children on the scene entails.

I genuinely wonder what it is they thought being a parent was going to be like before they helped create a baby. It's like they think it's something that comes with an 'off' switch that you can just chuck in the back of a cupboard when you want to go off and do something else.

ManOrAnimal Sun 22-Nov-20 05:35:51

@Anordinarymum I'm not sure if you ask with n genuine concern or you're being sarcastic, either way - no, not really. It doesn't change anything does it? Venting about relatively serious issues only offers temporary relief ime.

@mamakena thanks for the words of warning. Unfortunately far far away isn't possible. Knowing him as I do now though even a couple of miles will be me uprooting our baby and he won't bother.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX ah the magic cupboard. If only, there was one big enough to trick a grown man into...a bit like a Narnia wardrobe.

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XDownwiththissortofthingX Sun 22-Nov-20 05:51:56

Well you could boot his arse out so he goes and lives somewhere else, then just pretend to yourself he lives in a cupboard?

wink

TwylaSands Sun 22-Nov-20 05:56:16

I think realising he is a shit parent and no support and making plans to leave is a much better strategy than ignoring it and having two more children, which happens so often.

blackcat86 Sun 22-Nov-20 06:26:20

I had a different approach to the advice above, mainly because I realised it would destroy my DDs life if we were to separate and she have to spend solo time with her dad who would ultimately fail her. Its unpopular view but I've seen it with DSS and now I've had a baby realise how much BS I was fed by DH. He wasn't prevented from caring for his children by evil women, he couldn't be bothered and just wanted to prance around as Centre of attention posing for social media likes to pretend to be dad of the year but nothing more. We did couples counselling (a bit of a waste of money but helped with emeshment of PIL) and I got really strict with pulling DH up. I made sure our finances are exactly 50:50, I started a business i could do evenings and weekends to help my earning potential (dropped to PT post mat leave), I started chore lists and assigned DH chores, and ensured I spent time out of the house alone. Its all a bit shit either way but this was the best option for me. It has helped a bit if only temporarily to make things a bit better.

CiderJolly Sun 22-Nov-20 06:36:15

@blackcat86 that just sounds miserable, I’ve been there and it was just shit. Much better to be single.

@ManOrAnimal you live and you learn- make plans to leave with as little drama as possible.

Badwill Sun 22-Nov-20 06:42:46

Ah yes. I have one of those. Utterly soul destroying and draining when you have a baby with this type of "man".

No advice (I'm in the process of getting rid of mine) but solidarity!

ManOrAnimal Sun 22-Nov-20 06:45:39

@blackcat86 how old is your DD and do you have any shred of respect for your DH? I can completely understand your way of thinking as I know I feel similar but when I pull him up on behaviour he told me I was being abusive. Obviously much better for me to be silent.

OP’s posts: |
LaLaLandIsNoFun Sun 22-Nov-20 06:50:56

mamakena

Beware, these types can turn into deadly snakes if they sense they're losing control of you. You need to decide clearly in your heart if you see any future here. If not, don't try to beg, wheedle, nag him to change. Don't ever threaten to leave. Just decide. If you opt to stay, shut up and put up. If you opt to leave, plan meticulously, move far far away and never look back.

I can attest to this.

itsovernowthen Sun 22-Nov-20 07:10:24

It's awful, I'm in the process of preparing to leave mine, and am dreading telling him, as I'm sure he'll think it's a joke, so wedded is he to the idea that I won't leave him so as not to break up the family. I even do all the DIY in the house (bought a drill, electric screwdriver, paints and all kit), as I got sick of waiting years for him to get up off his arse. Sometimes I wonder what the actual point of him is, as the only thing he's really been useful for is creating the 2 DC, and I could have got what I needed from the sperm bank!

He's going to get the shock of his life, and the atmosphere at home will be terrible as we'll have to live in the same house while we sell (if he agrees to sell hmm).

Good luck with leaving, you will feel so much freer and lighter once you get rid of the useless lump.

spidermomma Sun 22-Nov-20 07:46:32

Op I feel for you! They don't get any better either, my DP let me sit up the other week with 3 children under 5 why they was ill an crying an he went an got into one of their beds. Just the odd shout "have they had calpol" have you changed their bum" give them a cuddle

Little did he know they was all in fresh nappy's an pjs and had calpol to help and a bottle each and was all lay on me so the fact I couldn't breath/move/or even open 1 eye one was that close !
Really infuriating

Hope your okay I have no words of advice as I'm dealing with the same thing x

ManOrAnimal Sun 22-Nov-20 07:56:55

Well he has just told me to fuck off because I'm a cunt and he doesn't want me here any more. Charming right.

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Shoxfordian Sun 22-Nov-20 08:01:38

Take him at his word and leave
Can you stay with family?

LilyLongJohn Sun 22-Nov-20 08:02:31

Say ok and then leave with your dc.

spidermomma Sun 22-Nov-20 08:03:22

Can you leave an stay with family ? I get this all the time but I have no we're to go. Hence still been here ! Xx

Daisydoesnt Sun 22-Nov-20 08:05:46

To be honest OP, with you calling him “repulsive” and “repugnant” I think you’re just as bad. I can’t see there’s anyway back for your marriage, you both evidently despise each other.

ManOrAnimal Sun 22-Nov-20 08:11:04

@Daisydoesnt thanks smile years of emotional abuse will do that.

Just packed up.

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pinkyredrose Sun 22-Nov-20 08:11:20

What's your living situation, own or rent? In your name? Try to get him to leave if you can.

GaraMedouar Sun 22-Nov-20 08:12:10

@ManOrAnimal - I had a lazy man child and in the end I felt just like his mum, and lost every last ounce of respect and love for him. He was a lazy cocklodger - I was the breadwinner and running around like a headless chicken trying to keep the relationship going.

But - he was a ‘lovely guy’ - by that I mean he was like a friendly teddy bear, like a human Labrador . Always pleasant and personable. Which made it hard for me to end things and still makes me doubt myself sometimes. But ultimately I wanted a partner, some support, not just a friendly house guest.

Your DP doesn’t even sound pleasant. Who’s house is it? Can’t he leave instead?

ManOrAnimal Sun 22-Nov-20 08:30:44

House is joint. I've left. I'm so nasty as @Daisydoesnt has pointed out so best if I go. House can wait. It's just a building. Unfortunately it's mostly furnished with my stuff.

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Daisydoesnt Sun 22-Nov-20 08:38:44

OP I didn’t say you were nasty, I said that IMO your name calling was as bad as his. Things like repugnant and repulsive (and equally what he said to you) shows that you both despise each other, and that is always the death knell in a relationship. Sorry.

greenspacesoverthere Sun 22-Nov-20 08:47:08

To be honest OP, with you calling him “repulsive” and “repugnant” I think you’re just as bad. I can’t see there’s anyway back for your marriage, you both evidently despise each other.

I agree. It's obvious that the marriage is over.

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