No contact with Dad - guilt

[Reclinehard]

Hi, looking for advice from others who have gone NC with a parent, is it normal to be in a cycle of anger, guilt and disappointment?

[GingerBrummie]

Me. I have no contact with my mum. Its actually more common than you think. You will feel guilt, if you have empathy & are a decent person then yes you’re definitely feel guilty, i do. However you need to remember why you stopped contact in the first place & stick to it. Time is a great healer so 10yrs on & i sometimes think “oh maybe she wasn't so bad” but I give myself a good talking to & try to think of something else.

[Mycircusmymonkey]

Yep. It was relief at first but then guilt and sadness follow. I try not to think about it all tbh

[mindutopia]

Yes, it’s normal. Have you had therapy? It’s helped me immensely. My therapist questions me that if I did reach out, how would I feel if I got dealt the same old crazy rubbish as always? I’d feel angry and stressed and anxious and really that’s much worse than how I feel being NC. You can’t do the same thing over and over and expect a different result, particularly from someone who is clearly emotionally unwell.

[Reclinehard]

Thanks all. @mindutopia yeah I had a few sessions which helped at the time but have since had to get back in touch because of family events and that started the guilt again. Time to block again.

[WitchOfTheWest]

I'm nc with my mother and sister. I feel no guilt, they're both nasty individuals and I'm better off without them. I do feel sad at times though, that they behaved the way they do. I'm envious of people who get on with and are close to their family.

Contact with them was not only affecting me though, it was also affecting my dc, who started asking me about the things they said and did. That was the beginning of the end for me. Ive not looked back.

[Reclinehard]

@witchofthewest that sounds awful, really sorry to hear about that. Having my DD was the turning point to - the one opportunity he had to meet her he got drunk and went in a strop when I didn't let him hold her. Then angrily texted me about it too. He was a great dad in lots of ways when I was younger so I'm sad she won't get to see the fun side of him.

[WitchOfTheWest]

It's shocking the things we will allow ourselves to put up with, compared to what we will allow our kids to put up with. In all honesty I probably should have cut my mother off 20 years before I did!

Just keep reminding yourself there is a reason why you are NC!