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Tired of non committal men

(18 Posts)
Marshmallowfun Fri 20-Nov-20 22:13:22

It’s just one after the other.

How does any woman ever settle down and marry??

I’m mid 30s. Shouldn’t it be getting easier! sad

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFave Fri 20-Nov-20 22:21:10

Look closely at the type of men you're attracted to. It's highly possible you're choosing the wrong sort. I never had any trouble finding men who wanted to commit because I never looked for anything other than kindness and sensitivity in a man...not that sensitive men can't be wankers...they can...but to me, the best indicators of a good man is kindness and humour.

What sort are you going for? Are you looking first at looks? Or earning potential?

Marshmallowfun Fri 20-Nov-20 22:29:38

I’ve dated a real mix over the years. Good looking and ugly. Rich and poor. Professionals and not so professional.

Based in London, if this helps.

It’s not just me - all my girlfriends are experiencing the same confused

OP’s posts: |
Marshmallowfun Fri 20-Nov-20 22:31:04

I should add I have no problem attracting men to date and form relationships with. It just doesn’t go beyond that...

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFave Fri 20-Nov-20 23:55:20

How long are you dating them before you're looking for things to move to the next level? What have been your longest relationships?

Marshmallowfun Sat 21-Nov-20 09:17:36

2 years

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFave Sat 21-Nov-20 09:54:10

So that's a decent amount of time...is it them ending things?

Lizzie523 Sat 21-Nov-20 10:01:35

@FortunesFave my last boyfriend was kind, sensitive and a commitment phobe. There are plenty of decent enough men who for one reason or another just don't want to settle down.

It's not just you.

Zolaanna Sat 21-Nov-20 10:20:56

Write a list of what you want in a long term, committed partner and relationship. You may be surprised it may also whittle down your scatter gun approach to dating.
I used to be open minded and date different types of men which actually didn't help me.
Once I'd taken a step back and realised what I actually needed to make a happy healthy relationship I found my husband

FortunesFave Sat 21-Nov-20 10:45:13

Yes maybe Zolaanna has it...perhaps you should be more picky. I thought you might be TOO picky but maybe it's the opposite?

LilyWater Sat 21-Nov-20 15:04:52

i recommend the book "mr good enough" by Lori Gottlieb. Read it recently and she deals with exactly the situation you're finding yourself in, with practical advice. It's also an easy read.

Marshmallowfun Sun 22-Nov-20 11:05:53

I’m never short of interest, but it never progresses beyond a relationship to living together or greater commitment.

It’s starting to make me really sad and panicking I won’t meet a man who will want to marry me and start a family. It seems to be happening for everyone but me.

I’m willing to compromise but I need to feel love. I can’t just marry anyone.

I missed out on a guy in my 20s who would have married me but I didn’t want to settle down then.

OP’s posts: |
nosswith Sun 22-Nov-20 11:09:17

Being in London may be part of the issue. Especially certain parts of London I expect.

flowersrain Mon 23-Nov-20 03:31:34

I don't have any advice for you OP but I am in the same boat - 19 month relationship ended because, although he told me he wanted a future with me, when push came to shove he couldn't do it. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but you;re not alone flowers

fatherliamdeliverance Mon 23-Nov-20 14:42:20

I've got no answers OP but am in exactly the same boat and wanted to let you know it's not just you.

JurassicParkAha Mon 23-Nov-20 15:38:16

Do you know why your relationships end? Is it them ending it - if so, what reasons are they giving you for not progressing it?

IJustWantSomeBees Thu 26-Nov-20 11:20:06

In the age of casual sex, netflix and chill dates and a lack of intimacy in soceity in general, it is not a surprise that a lot of women cannot find a committed, worthy partner.

Have you ever heard of being the 'forever girlfriend'? I think women often give commitment too easily which makes men feel like they 'have you' and don't need to put the same amount of effort in. I know it's old fashioned and somewhat frowned upon these days, but my experience with men greatly improved when I stopped giving too much of myself away too soon i.e. no sex until they had consitently shown interest in me for a good few months, no 'easy' dates, no last minute dates, no agreeing to dates if he had stopped texting me regularly. And don't lower your standards, ugly, poor men are just as capable of being dicks as rich, handsome ones; the idea of the 'nice guy' is BS.

Another cliche, but I think you attract the best people when you are happy as a single individual and aren't relying on a man walking into your life to make you feel complete.

Christmasbiscuit Thu 26-Nov-20 16:25:02

Me too. Wasted 7 years on one 😅

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