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What do you think

(6 Posts)
Free23 Thu 19-Nov-20 05:17:50

Hi all
I finally left my emotionally coercive relationship and I feel amazing!
He is really upset and saying he needs me, he’ll change, he’ll never stop fighting for me, he loves me so much etc
2 weeks on I received a message from an old school friend with a screen shot of his dating profiles (she didn’t realise we’d split and was trying to look out for me)
He’s obviously made the dating profiles at some point in the last 2 weeks but it just made me laugh because it made me realise he is probably still still using tactics to try and control me with the things he is saying to me because his actions ( setting up dating profiles) probably tells me otherwise.
What is your view on this situation?
Xx

OP’s posts: |
ChickOnAStick Thu 19-Nov-20 05:19:32

Ignore him, let him get on with his own life, you get on with yours. Don't give it any more headspace.

Frannibananni Thu 19-Nov-20 05:43:27

Emotional abuse escalates the more you accept, each new manipulation seems small until you realise that all of them added together mean you can’t do anything without feeling guilt all the time. Guilty over nothing. He won’t change. Do not go back to him. A dating profile means he is happy to replace you but he probably thinks manipulating you back is easier. Then he doesn’t have to do the small creep of emotional abuse. ( because it never starts out big always small and creeps up)

Madamswearsalot Thu 19-Nov-20 06:13:12

He will not change - that is the biggest lie he tells you. He'll have multiple reasons lined up for why he's signed up to dating sites and all of them will be lies.

@Frannibananni is right, the reality is that they are his back up plan just in case you don't fall back in line. He needs someone around to absorb his abusive behaviour - if it isn't you, it'll be someone else.

Be amused by it - let it reinforce all the good feelings you have about leaving. Use it to remind you that he's fine, especially when the part of you he trained so well starts to worry about him.

Congratulations for getting out!

Free23 Thu 19-Nov-20 06:33:58

Thankyou everyone! Yeah you’re right this along with a lot of other things he had said and done since I left him have to reinforced my decision as being the right one!
I’m so excited for the future,,,a happy future x

OP’s posts: |
LemonTT Thu 19-Nov-20 06:38:47

He is trying to get attention and to be in your head. This is why blocking and letting people know it’s over are important. Tell everyone you are done with him and never want to hear about him again.

Don’t give him headspace. Be that wondering why speculation or any reaction. Even the laughing at him is a reaction. Mentally think about you not him. Start kicking him out of the corners of your mind.

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