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Feeling bad about booty call

(40 Posts)
Cw2307 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:34:25

Please not I had to post on this subject as the "sex" subject wont allow me yet

If you find casual sex or one night stands offensive then please just move along from this thread as I really don't want the judgement.

I came out of a long term relationship in August (about the last 6 months were not happy ones) I was really cut up and worried about being on my own etc feeling like that was it for me in the love department as at 27i see most people my age happy and married etc. Anyway fast forward almost 4 month.. I am the happiest I have been in a long time. I feel like I have lost a load of unwanted baggage.. I feel like I can breathe again and mentally Im in a good place.. Or so I thought.. Today I went round to a guys house for a cup of tea.. (yes a cuppa of all things😂) I have been talking to this guy for about a month now and I know him as we stay in the same town and have mutual connections etc. Anyway one thing led to another today and we ended up having sex.. Sorry for tmi..and now I feel awful about myself. I hate myself for jumping into bed with someone and for having so little self control 😭. My question is should I feel bad? Or why do I feel bad. Its almost like I feel like a dirty little tart 😂. Please tell me I'm not alone and this feeling will shift.

OP’s posts: |
wizzywig Wed 18-Nov-20 15:36:05

Op, if was good sex, whats the problem?

snowstercat Wed 18-Nov-20 15:38:20

Nah don't feel bad. Why should you? You're a hot blooded singleton.
Plus if the sex was good and it fulfilled your sexual urges who cares.
Give yourself a break x

user1493413286 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:38:27

I don’t think there’s anything to feel bad about; if two people are single then I don’t see the issue of casual sex

ChickOnAStick Wed 18-Nov-20 15:44:19

Good for you! Do not feel guilty. Was it enjoyable sex?

CosyQueen Wed 18-Nov-20 15:45:16

Don’t feel bad! As long as your both single there’s nothing wrong at all with what you did!!

Isadora2007 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:46:58

You feel bad as society has conditioned women to think that wanting and enjoying sex isn’t ladylike and that it’s somehow odd or slutty to do so.
But in reality two consenting adults enjoying themselves and each other is absolutely no issue at all. Enjoy!

Hellothere19999 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:49:05

Don’t feel bad, unless it was shite sex but even then you still don’t have to feel bad as such. I miss being that free and I’m sure your mates that are married etc do too at times!!!! Enjoy it x

Cw2307 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:50:00

Thanks guys i really needed to hear all this as I'm just feeling really disappointed in myself for some reason. It was amazing..but just afterwards I felt really dirty like I had did something wrong. Both of us are very much single.

OP’s posts: |
chickenyhead Wed 18-Nov-20 15:54:44

You haven't done anything wrong except thing you are somehow bad. You aren't.

Hellothere19999 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:55:35

I think everyone feels like that briefly.... even after watching porn and having a wank you have a moment don’t you. It was good sex, both single, no worries.

sunshinesheila Wed 18-Nov-20 15:57:19

Get to it, enjoy. No shame in good sex.

merryhouse Wed 18-Nov-20 15:58:21

You feel bad because you expect people to have an issue with casual sex and one-night stands.

You've done something that you would be wary of talking about in certain social situations - whether that's with your mum, with your friends, or with the vicar - so you feel bad. You feel the need to keep it secret, so part of you wonders whether you should feel guilty or ashamed.

That's all.

The answer, of course, is that no you shouldn't. Two uncommitted adults had a consensual sexual encounter. (I'm assuming those adjectives grin)

On another note: don't worry about being 27. You've still got a few years yet to pick and choose (that's if you want children: if you don't you've got till you start to fall apart). And not to be all doom-and-gloom but since I was 27 a whole load of friends' marriages have ended...

billy1966 Wed 18-Nov-20 15:58:22

You are single, you had great sex.
Good for you.

Once you are safe and being respected, I think you should give yourself a break.

I am of the generation that would have been rared with excessive oppressive views about female sexuality.

So glad my girls won't.

Maybe explore these feelings of shame a bit and figure out where they come from....and work out a way forward that works for you.🥳

It's a wonderful thing to be able to enjoy great sex.

You are trul blessed.🥳

ShadyBansheeThing Wed 18-Nov-20 16:04:56

Its almost like I feel like a dirty little tart I know you put a laughing emoji but still, where does that come from? Has anyone around you made judgements like that? Agree with PPs, it's a negative view in society of women liking casual sex that has seeped into your brain - but it's quite an old fashioned view (and a stupid one at any time). I think most people would consider what you did normal and fine, unless there was cheating involved which there wasn't.

Blood hell I'm in my 50s and separated, if I had a handy FWB to fall into bed with I would. Shag away woman!

Bunnymumy Wed 18-Nov-20 16:09:30

Nah, lifes short, enjoy yourself. I'm 32 now and actually wish I shagged more in my 20s.

Only thing is that you may feel bad because your instincts are telling you that that was all he wanted from you all along.

TheSecondMrsAshwell Wed 18-Nov-20 16:13:58

As PPs say, no need to feel bad about it. That happens and there's no harm as long as no-one's being cheated on and everyone consented.

But obviously you do feel bad about it, or you wouldn't be here. You say you feel bad for having so little self control. Control over what? Do you generally feel that you shouldn't have sex outside a relationship? That it devalues you as a woman and a person? That you should have gone out with this man for a few dates first? But you have been - you've been talking to him for a month and you already knew each other, you have mutual connections.....

So what's the difference here? If you had been out with him to the pub (or whatever) twice a week for a month, wouldn't you be thinking about sex by now? Or even have done it?

And the guy you slept with. Will you see him again? Is this just a pleasant interlude, or the start of something else? Do you want that? If he wants more of you, then decide how you want things to go. FWB? Relationship?

Are you worried that he will now judge you, ghost you and send you back to where you were (mentally) at the end of your last relationship? If he does that, he's a wanker of the highest order and you're well rid.

Easy to say "chalk it up to experience" but that's the way forward. In fact, that's my advice, chalk it up, decide how you want to be in the future and don't beat yourself up if you do get tempted.

After all, we've all promised ourselves just one chocolate and woken up surrounded by Celebrations wrappers.

WakingUp55643 Wed 18-Nov-20 16:21:54

Crikey woman! Enjoy it! Absolutely nothing wrong with two adults enjoying sex together. Like you @Bunnymumy I wish I'd had more experiences when I was young and single. I can count the shags on one hand in the last 15 years!!! confused

CandidaAlbicans2 Wed 18-Nov-20 16:29:41

You feel bad as society has conditioned women to think that wanting and enjoying sex isn’t ladylike and that it’s somehow odd or slutty to do so
But in reality two consenting adults enjoying themselves and each other is absolutely no issue at all

Exactly this. It also puts women in the "victim" role if the man then doesn't want to see us again, so rather than being equal partners far more worth is placed on women "giving" sex than men. It's well overdue for this shit attitude to shop.

EatDessertFirst Wed 18-Nov-20 16:42:17

You have needs OP, sounds like you got them fulfilled!

Enjoy the shagging!!

DrizzleandDamp Wed 18-Nov-20 16:46:56

You probably think he’s judging you? Well did that, women get to hook up just the same as men, it’s a biological function, the shame and overthinking is just society telling us we shouldn’t have needs and enjoy a good meaningless bunk up every now and then.

Sod that, enjoy yourself!

IJustWantSomeBees Wed 18-Nov-20 16:47:02

Do you enjoy casual sex? You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, however, casual sex simply doesn't agree with some people so that may be why you feel bad after the fact. If you do enjoy casual sex though don't feel bad!

Cw2307 Wed 18-Nov-20 16:47:20

Thanks everyone this thread now has me laughing and has completely changed my attitude towards it.. Even better iv just had a message asking for round 2 😂

OP’s posts: |
Venicelover Wed 18-Nov-20 16:48:28

Might it move on to a relationship from here?

If so, view it from that perspective, sex with anyone has to start somewhere!!

If not, so what, if you enjoyed it, move past the unnecessary guilt, this is 2020!

WakingUp55643 Wed 18-Nov-20 16:48:58

Wahey! Off you go! smile

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