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Seperated families with young kids

(5 Posts)
Angelfish2021 Wed 18-Nov-20 13:08:43

A question to families who have 2 homes due to mum and dad separating, I'm finding my DC probably take a day to resettle back to me after being with their dad, over time do they get more used to this?
It's been 9 months since their dad moved to his own place. Over all they are handling the change amazingly , it's just that change over day that they struggle with. Just looking for reassurance that they will get more used to it

Also they ask can their dad come for a sleepover when he's back from work, how do i explain to them that this won't happen?
I have a feeling he might be suggesting this to them
Oldest is 8.
I can totally see how in their child brains that this seems like a great idea
Thanks

OP’s posts: |
Fantasisa Wed 18-Nov-20 14:10:42

What is the pattern you currently have? Could that be tweaked to help resettle them?

Angelfish2021 Wed 18-Nov-20 14:23:15

My stbxh does various shifts so it's different each week which I think plays a part in them not having a set routine
I can't see a way round this unless he changes his work pattern.

OP’s posts: |
Fantasisa Wed 18-Nov-20 15:00:05

Ahh that must make it tricky then. I think you may have to accept there are some downsides to the arrangement - like when you go on holiday/come back from holiday, it can take a bit of time to adjust. Do they have sets of everything they need at both houses?

Firefliess Wed 18-Nov-20 15:10:45

I think it can be looking at a few tweaks to help it be easier for them. We found that moving them after dinner was always unsettling so we tried always to move them just before dinner so they ate in the house they were staying in. I also put a chart up on the wall with days of the week round the edge and a pointer that moved round to tell you what day it was. The kids made a cut out picture of their dad who we stuck on to whatever day they'd go to his next (with blutac). This helped because they didn't like being taken by surprise in finding out they were going to their dad's when they were settled in a game or something. Also, when a little older, we changed things round so they saw their dad less often but for longer. Though that can be tricky if you need to fit round work schedules. Worth asking your kids direct what would work best for them. They may have suggestions.

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