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Do you think this is normal?

(51 Posts)
robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 10:43:31

Been with DP 2 years, LDR. So I've been looking at the fb page of a girl he's friends with (we all share a common interest but I don't actually know her) and I've noticed he either 'hearts' or comments on pretty much all of her posts with some sort of mildly flirty banter. I've mentioned to him before that he doesn't accept it when I tag him in stuff and he says he does accept it but doesn't know why it's not showing up on his wall. Sure hmm

So I've been looking back at my fb this morning and have noticed he's not like any of my posts and might have commented on maybe one since we first started talking which makes me wonder if this is the kind of 'chase' thing he does? This girl is engaged so I can't see anything happening but I'm pretty sure they talk every day (he's on his whatsapp all day long talking to male friends) and I wasn't jealous one bit of him having female friends until I found out recently he'd cheated on me last year. Sounds like a right catch doesn't he!

Would you feel paranoid like I do or would you assume it's just banter? I'm so close to ending things with him for other reasons too but I don't know why I just can't seem to sad

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angryface Wed 18-Nov-20 10:48:03

Dump. He's not worth the aggro

RaspAsYouChokeOnTheToupee Wed 18-Nov-20 10:48:28

Well if he cheated after only being with you for a year, he doesn’t seem to have the staying power. Engaged people can cheat too, so just because she’s engaged is not a reason that he won’t cheat with her. Also, regardless of whether she is single or not, you should be able to trust him to not cheat. Which doesn’t seem to be the case, plus the other reasons you’re considering ending it - just end it.

updownroundandround Wed 18-Nov-20 10:48:40

Honestly, I'd dump him.

He's already cheated.
He's obviously chasing this woman via fb.
He doesn't even care that his actions are hurtful to you.

Listen to your own instincts and send him packing, today !

Bunnymumy Wed 18-Nov-20 10:49:58

Is he 'in a relationship' with you on fb?
I'd ask if you go out places together but I guess not if long distance...do his friends and family know about you? Is this engaged lass engaged to someone you can see? ("Engaged to...").

GoJoe2020 Wed 18-Nov-20 10:51:35

She's a woman not a girl. And he's a dickhead. But since you put up wiht him cheating he's not going to bother to hide messages from you.

robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 10:52:05

Not too long ago when I was having a go at him about this girl he put me, her and him into a messenger group conversation and told her I'm having a major meltdown over her and asked her to tell me that nothing is going on. You'd think after I found out he cheated he would want me to feel completely reassured with any of my concerns not be pissed off telling her 'she's having a major fucking meltdown over you now'. Supposedly they only talk about our common interest but when I asked her in this group conversation if she knew why I was feeling like I am she said yes she knew he had cheated, that he'd told her before about it.

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Newuser991 Wed 18-Nov-20 10:52:23

How long distance are we talking? If it is massive and you don't see each other much and he has already cheated, why bother.

Do people know about you? Have you ever been to his place?

robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 10:54:26

Bunnymumy

Is he 'in a relationship' with you on fb?
I'd ask if you go out places together but I guess not if long distance...do his friends and family know about you? Is this engaged lass engaged to someone you can see? ("Engaged to...").


Nope and when I queried it with him before he said he likes to keep his private life private. You'd have no idea we were together if you were to look at his fb. Yes I've met his parents loads, he still lives with them so I stay there when I go up to his. I've met lots of his friends and in this way he doesn't seem to hide me but I don't know what it is about fb. Makes me wonder who's on there that he's hiding me from. I don't even use fb that much really, I couldn't careless for social media but this is really bothering me.

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robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 10:55:41

Sorry @Bunnymumy I missed this question. Yes you can see who she's engaged to and I've seen the post from around 2 months ago where it says he proposed to her and showing the ring etc. Funnily enough that was one post DP didn't 'heart' or comment on envy

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robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 10:56:07

Newuser991

How long distance are we talking? If it is massive and you don't see each other much and he has already cheated, why bother.

Do people know about you? Have you ever been to his place?


250 miles thereabouts. Yes I stay at his parents house when I go to see him.

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TooTrueToBeGood Wed 18-Nov-20 10:58:21

He's making a mug of you. You know this, you just need to come to terms with reality and do what needs doing.

MashedSweetSpud Wed 18-Nov-20 11:01:24

He’s not treating you well.
He cheated.
He’s keeping you hidden away.

If you stay with him your mental health will nosedive. You deserve so much more.

robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 11:05:52

MashedSweetSpud

He’s not treating you well.
He cheated.
He’s keeping you hidden away.

If you stay with him your mental health will nosedive. You deserve so much more.


It already has taken a nosedive sad I was absolutely fine and things were going great before he cheated. I've always been terribly insecure of myself (which I guess is why I stuck around after finding out what he'd done) but I felt really safe with him, if that's the right word. I trusted him completely and he really fucked me over.

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MissSmiley Wed 18-Nov-20 11:10:46

Does he ever come to stay with you?
250 miles apart is a long way

borntohula Wed 18-Nov-20 11:15:53

robloxnoob

Not too long ago when I was having a go at him about this girl he put me, her and him into a messenger group conversation and told her I'm having a major meltdown over her and asked her to tell me that nothing is going on. You'd think after I found out he cheated he would want me to feel completely reassured with any of my concerns not be pissed off telling her 'she's having a major fucking meltdown over you now'. Supposedly they only talk about our common interest but when I asked her in this group conversation if she knew why I was feeling like I am she said yes she knew he had cheated, that he'd told her before about it.

That in itself is really shitty and not giving a fuck about your privacy. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't want to humiliate you or any of the other shit he's doing. I'd just block tbh, I wouldn't even say anything, he hasn't earned the respect.

robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 11:26:45

@MissSmiley yes we generally take it in turns to go to each other's houses.

@borntohula you're bloody right! I've told him we need to talk later, he's out on house viewings atm and he said 'I feel sick now on my viewings as I know it'll be bad news' and I felt like saying GOOD.

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Cocomarine Wed 18-Nov-20 11:30:52

What is the point of him?

There aren’t enough hours in my life to waste them travelling 250 miles to see someone that cheated on me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cocomarine Wed 18-Nov-20 11:32:46

I’d message him right back, “you’re right it’s bad news for you - so I guess there’s no point spinning it out until later - this isn’t going anywhere for me, so I was going to end it.”

Don’t even give him the satisfaction of some drama over it. Just dump him by text with an offhand “not going anywhere.”

And mean it!

TwentyViginti Wed 18-Nov-20 11:33:19

He's hidden you on SM. He's cheated. What a prize.

TwentyViginti Wed 18-Nov-20 11:35:05

What is the point of him?

Exactly.

DowntonCrabby Wed 18-Nov-20 11:38:39

He’s already cheated and sounds like a player. Prick.

Leave him. You’re worth more than that. flowers

Newuser991 Wed 18-Nov-20 11:44:16

OK so 250 miles and 2 years.

Any plans to move closer to the other and make a real go of it?

If not what's the point? Cheating aside at that distance you can't have a relationship very easily

robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 11:48:24

Newuser991

OK so 250 miles and 2 years.

Any plans to move closer to the other and make a real go of it?

If not what's the point? Cheating aside at that distance you can't have a relationship very easily


There were plans to in the future yes but I didn't want it for at least a few years as I had a messy break up from my ex and I'm happy as I am right now in terms of house, job etc.

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robloxnoob Wed 18-Nov-20 11:49:20

DowntonCrabby

He’s already cheated and sounds like a player. Prick.

Leave him. You’re worth more than that. flowers


Thank you. When I think about it rationally I know I deserve so much better but then my insecurities creep in and I start to doubt myself, will anyone ever want me again? Will I be alone forever? sad

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