sorry for the long post
So I am usually a strong willed person, quite thick skinned and sometimes, I say things exactly as I see them and have no filter although I do try. So the last almost 18 months, I have barely spoken to my mum or my sister because they had an argument with my mums partner. I was brought into the argument by each one of them and when I told them my opinion, they did not like it and so now I am the devil and public enemy number 1. I was previously very close with them and don’t really have any friends so I have spent the best part of 18 months just me, my husband and our now 2 year old, with no one else to talk to.
I feel so guilty that our 2 year old is alone with just us. She is becoming so demanding and I think it’s because we spoil her. It’s just her and us so it’s hard not to. Then there are problems in my marriage and everything feels like it’s my fault.
I work from home and my husband is up at 5am 4 mornings every week and I work Monday to Friday. I get up with our daughter every morning when he is working. I get her dressed, walk 40 minutes to the childminder and then back. I then do a full day work, yes I sit at a desk but it is a mentally challenging role. During my lunch I will clean the kitchen and do washing. 2 days during the week and on a Saturday I do a 45 minute workout session and then back to work. I remain at my dear until around 5pm of I’ve had a good day. If my husband finishes, he will collect our daughter otherwise, I again do the 40 minute walk to go and collect her. I then make tea, clean the kitchen, fill the dishwasher, fold that days clean clothes and follow my daughters bed time routine. My husband will put her down most nights however it is a case of wait for her to finish her bottle and wait 5 minutes for her to drop off. 10 minutes of his day at most. Whilst he is doing this, I am cleaning up her toys etc that have been used that day/evening. We then can relax. That usually consists of him playing Xbox and me watching the soaps then we go to bed and start again the next day.
Am I wrong for feeling all the pressure is on me? Since our daughter was born, I have to take time off work to care for her (not that I am complaining as I loved my mat leave with her). Since going back to work though, I had to reduce my house. If she is sick, I have to take time off work. If the childminder calls to collect, I have to leave work to do it. I have had to arrange cover for meetings to care for our daughter but my husband just doesn’t see why I have an issue. I get up in the night with her, he sleeps through it. The odd occasion he has got up. I feel like everything falls on me.
With lockdown, I’ve had no one to talk to. My husband is texting away with his mates and we don’t have discussions.. I try and talk to him but he doesn’t listen. He is more interested in his mates. The last straw was this evening. I told him he pays more attention to his mates and he denied that. He had told me what his day at work tomorrow would be like. I repeated everything back to him and the. Asked him what I was doing. His reply was “working”. Not only did he forget about the cooking, cleaning, washing and sorting childcare, I had told him that I have a meeting that I had to lead and I was feeling nervous and worried. When I reminded him of this, his reply was “oh I remember you mentioning that”. Is it me or did he clearly bot listen to me.
I never get like this! I’m feeling so anxious, there are so many other things going on, we are supposed to be moving, I am at a really important stage of my career and I feel totally unsupported like everything falls on me. Am I doing something wrong? Is this life and how all men work? I’m beginning to question whether I am just too much of an awkward person and he just chooses not to listen and nod yes dear to make me think I’m listening.. I think I’m going mad, I honestly feel on the edge and I don’t have a clue where to turn
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Am I in the wrong?
21 replies
Sammy110xox · 18/11/2020 00:18
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