I have (finally) realised that I am trauma bonded to my ex and that is why I stayed in the relationship for so long (19 months) and didn't have the self respect to leave sooner. Objectively, i can see there are many reasons why he was not a good boyfriend. Some of them are:
- never making me a priority
- being completely unable to talk about feelings
- having no value for relationships or meaningful connection with others
- being unhealthily obsessed with money, and stingy with it
- making dismissive comments to put me down
- not wanting to know or comfort me if I was upset
- not wanting to spend extended periods of time with me
- turning things he had done wrong around making them my fault
- constantly downplaying my value and the value of the relationship whilst I tried to show him that I was 'good enough' to be his gf, have a future with etc
We have been broken up for 3 weeks. Objectively I can look at this list and see he was all wrong for me, yet due to the trauma bond I still miss him and the relationship and I am getting SO FRUSTRATED with myself.
How do I break this trauma bond? I am not in contact with him - no way will I be feeding his ego by messaging him - but what else can I do?