I'm in a failing marriage and currently, DH and I continue living together whilst he refuses to move out and I have nowhere to go.
I'm in the process of getting my ducks in a row and will be financially independent in around 6 months time, when I intend to leave him.
We have 2 DCs and we are living together very amicably as it stands, but it is cold, dysfunctional and there is no love here.
I'm a very loving person by nature and I've had to train myself to be cold and unfeeling and practical to get us through this horrible phase. But, I'm struggling a lot deep down. When friends are celebrating wedding anniversaries or talking about cosy nights at home with DH when kids are in bed, or telling me about plans they're making, I feel so jealous, envious and even a bit hateful.
I don't want to feel like this.
I'm somebody who has always made an effort in all areas of my life: my career, my kids, my home so to be failing at the most important relationship in my life makes me so sad. I want to be like other people, not perfect, but in a supportive, loving marriage. Ours is so passed it. DH doesn't seem to value love or closeness at all. He's been like this since DC1 came along and it's never improved. He used to be so loving and seemed to really value me, now I just feel like his housekeeping staff.
I don't want to feel like this about other people, I want to be happy for them. I guess I'm posting as a way of confessing that I'm finding the happiness of others very hard to deal with. I wish I didnt.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm jealous to the pit of my stomach
Weusedtosing · 17/11/2020 20:54
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