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Separated from partner

(9 Posts)
AmywithanL Tue 17-Nov-20 19:33:32

Its a very lo g story really so im not going to give all the details and I dont even know why im posting, I dont need any advice really. Just to get it out. Maybe reassurance ive done the right thing?

Anyway we had been together for 7 years, not married. We have a son together age 3 and i have 2 from previous marriage.
He was still with someone when we got together, I didnt know this until he was pushed into admitting it about a year into our relationship. I dont things have been the same since then really.
Alot of ups and downs.

He is in the army and based a couple hours away so only ever home at weekends.

In 2016 I pulled him up on his phone usage, secretive and constantly online (when ever I wasnt there) he refused to show me his phone and walked out. Later on he came up with a story that he was planning his proposal to me, all on a whatsapp chat. Someone to find a ring, someone to find flowers ect. I stupidly believed him and we got back together. On new years eve that year he shouted me upstairs and he had written on an envelope will you marry me. No ring, no words nothing. He said we could use my mums ring 😳 so anyway, I stupidly said yes. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant and he was born 2017.

No wedding plans, always put it off due to money.

We were never affectionate with each other, he always wanted naughty pics of me and gave me the silent treatment if I didnt, this was the same if We didnt have sex too.

So I think things started to go more downhill this year. Again he was only coming back on a weekend and sometimes not even that if he had exercise to go on.
There were a few times he had told me he couldnt come home as he was working but on one occasion I had come across a receipt from tesco full of alcohol on the same date he said he was away.
Things like that have happened a few times.

In May id sent hin a message in the morning but he never replied, even though he was online, then I got a message from him which he quickly deleted and it had xxx on it....he said it was for that new girl that had started the year before and the kisses meant nothing.

On Fathers day I pulled him up on his phone usage again and he denied being on whatsapp when he clearly was, said it must have been from his notifications on his watch!
That night he said he needed time to think about things and I did t hear from him intil he asked to have ohr son for the weekend 😳

The break up lasted a week, he swore he hadent met anyone and I believed him.

Since then he has travelled 2 hours to this girls house for her sons party (2 days after our sons) gone to a last minute halloween party where this girl was instead of our family party I had been planning and this weekend just gone he said he was working away. He said he couldnt whatsapp or text as he was out on the field, yet he was on and offline constantly all day. Ignoring my messages.
So I messaged him finally on sunday morning and said im done, not being treated like this anymore.
No reply until today when he asked to take our son this weekend.

So thats it. I know its long and blurted out and honestly its not even the half of it! I feel free from him but im scared ive just been too paranoid and broken up our family because of it??

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Tue 17-Nov-20 19:36:45

You are wise to be rid of him. Move on and find happiness, because you won't get any with him.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 Tue 17-Nov-20 19:39:19

Well done! If you're happy for him to have your ds, have a pampering weekend with fluffy blankets, hot chocolate and your favourite food. Channel 5 are constantly showing Christmas films and give yourself a big pat on the back. Your life will be a lot more stress free without worrying about what he's up to

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 17-Nov-20 19:39:49

Do not take him back under any circumstances. You are indeed wise to be rid of him because he will never bring you happiness.

I would also consider formalising arrangements re your son. He is also financially responsible for his child.

Alexandernevermind Tue 17-Nov-20 19:43:01

He doesn't even know the meaning of the word faithful, does he. You're best out of it. Set in place a formal arrangement around access and child support.

AmywithanL Tue 17-Nov-20 20:20:30

Thank you everyone. I do feel alot happier now im not bothered what hes up to!
Im happy for our son to go on a weekend...however he does drink drive but id like to think he wouldnt with him In the car....
Also not sure what will happen on Christmas day too, hes only 3??

OP’s posts: |
FippertyGibbett Tue 17-Nov-20 20:25:11

OMG you’ve put up with a lot over the years !
You’re well rid, and worth more than that.
Christmas Day will be whatever you want it to be. I never saw my dad on Christmas Day when I was a child, he was with his new family.

Nanny0gg Tue 17-Nov-20 21:28:52

Whatever you think is fair and will suit your son on Christmas Day.

Do you live in army accommodation?

AmywithanL Tue 17-Nov-20 22:06:44

Like I said, theirs tons more thats happened too much to put in a post 😅

No we dont live in army accomodation. We arnt married and I have two children from previous marriage.
He lives on the barracks 2 hours away.

OP’s posts: |

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