Please may I have a handhold.
DM moved in last year to help with childcare. DH, the kids and I are all very happy to be living together.
BACKGROUND
DM divorced my abusive alcoholic father around 10 years ago after 30 years together. It was a massive relief to know she was safe from him. It was a long and awful marriage - she finally left him after reading Lundy Bancroft when he threatened to kill her one night.
CURRENT SHITSHOW
Fast forward to present day and I signed her up for online dating as I knew she’d love to meet someone; definitely still young enough to enjoy retirement with.
A month in, she is now in touch with a convicted abuser; he assaulted his wife 10 years ago. They are now divorced. He also has a separate professional tribunal suspension for unethical behaviour in the workplace, the details of which also show him abusing his power at work.
DM really likes him, is impressed by him, feels sorry for him and wants to see where this relationship will go. She does not want to judge him and wants to give him a second chance at happiness because ‘he who is without sin should cast the first stone’. She is already super defensive about his behaviour and minimises even his criminal conviction as a mere peccadillo. I suggested therapy for which DM showed zero enthusiasm.
The heavy feeling in my stomach I used to have when my parents lived together has now returned. DM is so awesome and I cannot bear to see her do this. Yet I know this is her life and she has to make her own decisions - I’d never dictate who she could see.
Vipers, I knew some of you could understand the terror I’m currently feeling. I could cry.
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Relationships
DM is walking into a relationship with a convicted DV abuser
55 replies
waterproofed · 17/11/2020 18:49
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