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Struggling with my ‘new life’

(14 Posts)
constanthiccups Tue 17-Nov-20 11:14:16

I am probably just needing people to bounce off, as much as anything.

I am heavily pregnant, due next month. Because of the timing, this pregnancy has pretty much coincided with lockdown: I have worked throughout but from home (and to be honest that was somewhat ad hoc, no meaningful structure really) from April through to August, and then I started working outside of the home in September but the company changed their policy for pregnant women so I had to be ‘suspended on medical grounds’ once I was in the third trimester, which was in the third week of September.

I have moved in with my partner now (we weren’t living together before this.) I’m finding it hard to adapt in some ways. He works from home, I obviously don’t want to sound as if I am being resentful of this but being entirely honest it does make life a bit difficult, he is in the house literally 24/7, I think he left it twice in the whole of last week once to come to the supermarket with me and once to go to a medical appointment. I know that must be hard for him. I do leave the house and try to give him some space, obviously at this stage of pregnancy I am seeing the midwife and going to the hospital. Plus I have a relative in my bubble so see him once a week which gives DP some space.

But the days feel absolutely endless. I generally end up going to sleep in the afternoons, but I feel so bloody lazy and slob like. I feel like my old life - where I was up and showered and out of the house by 7, and then had a busy day at work and in the evening would go to the gym (sometimes!) is a bit of a dream, it isn’t that I long for that old life back, more that I’m worried I’m turning into somebody else.

I’m really hoping once the baby is here I will meet other mums at classes and groups but so much seems to be closed, and I am struggling with feeling so horribly isolated.

OP’s posts: |
carreterra Tue 17-Nov-20 12:44:09

OP. I didn't want to read and run. I know what you mean about becoming a "different person". It's the uncertainty about when life will return to normal, the vaccine has been developed, but how long before we are all immunised and can move on?
I remember when I was expecting, I had given up work, and the midwife put h/w on the antenatal form, she couldn't be bothered to write " housewife" in full, so I felt like I had lost my identity. Please don't worry about having a nap during the day though, as I'm sure that's what you are supposed to do. Work often makes us mechanical beings, as we are so used to having to travel to and from work during strict time scales. Try and use this time for a much needed break from the grind and routine, especially as it's a situation which is out of our hands. Are you going back to work? If so, the circumstances being temporary might be a relief. There will be other mums in your immediate area in similar circumstances, I hope you will have the opportunity to meet them soon. Wishing you a safe birth, best wishes for your future, flowers

tickertyboo Tue 17-Nov-20 19:39:54

You are turning into somebody else - you are changing because you are going to be a mother. This is a significant change in your life but try not to fear it.

Would you consider talking to someone about how you are feeling? I saw a therapist when I was pregnant with my second child. Impending motherhood is a scary time but worries can be worked through before your child is born.

category12 Tue 17-Nov-20 19:43:29

Doesn't he go out to get any exercise?

category12 Tue 17-Nov-20 19:45:18

Why not encourage him to go out for a walk in his lunchbreak, either together or on his own? It's really unhealthy to be sat in the house endlessly. Was he an active person before lockdown?

Ewandreams Tue 17-Nov-20 19:48:03

Hi, I would say don't worry too much you are going to be exhausted at this stage in pregnancy but once the baby is born and a few months old your energy will return and you hopefully won't feel so trapped inside the house!

Frauhubert Tue 17-Nov-20 20:28:54

I am feeling exactly the same. Except i am not pregnant. I lost my business because of covid, have relocated to a new place, husband working from home, we are together 24/7 except for when i go for a walk or to the post office/supermarket. There are no jobs around here for me, plus i ran my own business for the past 12 years, i have no experience in anything else and what i did is very covid unfriendly, so no chance starting again anytime soon. We are fortunate enough that i don’t need to work , but the ‘new life’ is so sad and empty for me.
I had a really nice lifestyle, i had my job that i loved, friends, dance class, gym, dinners out and drinks a couple of times a week, coffee with friends, plenty of disposable income. Now my life is food shopping, preparing meals, internet and tv. I am depressed and lonely though i know those are first world problems. I just want my coffee old life back.

constanthiccups Tue 17-Nov-20 20:32:25

Thank you for your kindness and support.

why not encourage him to go for a walk in his lunch break

Well, because going for a walk for the sake of it isn’t enjoyable to everyone. I used to enjoy some forms of exercise but I don’t massively enjoy walking unless I’m ‘going’ somewhere really.

It’s not really impending motherhood that’s worrying me. I’m at such an uncomfortable stage of pregnancy that I’m looking forward to it. But right now is hard.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Tue 17-Nov-20 20:41:12

It's not for the sake of it, it's for mental health and wellbeing. Sitting in the house 24/7 is bad for anyone.

constanthiccups Tue 17-Nov-20 20:42:20

Okay but I’m posting about me - I’m not interrupting a grown mans working day to order him out in a walk. I agree he might benefit from being out of the house a bit more but mentally he’s well.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Tue 17-Nov-20 20:45:55

I didn't say order him hmm.

Him going out occasionally would also give you space. That was part of what you're complaining about, wasn't it?

category12 Tue 17-Nov-20 20:47:00

You're bored and pregnant and stir-crazy, and living on top of each other.

widespreadpanic Wed 18-Nov-20 00:01:22

I think this feeling is normal for a lot of people. I don’t live with my partner and when The lockdowns started I thanked my lucky stars we have separate places as I know we would’ve killed each other being together 24/7 😂.

So what you’re feeling is normal, I say just stay focused on how this is not forever and soon you will have a baby that will require all of your attention and you will not even think about this issue. ☺️ So just hang in there.

Also I agree with you about not everyone likes to walk just to walk as I’m one of them. I only went to the store since the lockdown as I’m not one that needs to be outside for my mental health needs.

OldWomanSaysThis Wed 18-Nov-20 00:17:48

Take naps while you can.
The "cabin fever" feeling is going to be exasperated once the baby is here.
You're old carefree childless life is over. You are on to a different stage of life now.
Just keep looking forward.
Congrats on the new baby!

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