Fleeing DV to a refuge

[neas12]

Hi

I’m fleeing DV and have a place at a refuge from Wednesday. I was wondering if anyone can tell me a few things...

So because it’s not an emergency I’ve got time to pack, should I bring food? I’ve got canned food etc in the cupboard and was wondering if I should bring it
What about towels? Bedding? Etc?

I understand that the refuge I’m going to is self-contained flats if that helps things.

Can you get wifi there? Any other costs?

Thanks :)

[neas12]

Oh also I’m going with my 4 month old son so have nappies wipes clothes breast pump etc etc

[Poppinjay]

I can't answer your questions I'm afraid but I'd just like to wish you well and suggest that you focus on packing things that are emotionally meaningful to you like photos and of practical importance, eg qualification certificates.

I'm sure that refuges can supply bedding but I think I'd appreciate my own if it were me.

Good luck, OP. I hope this is the beginning of a brighter, safer and happier life for you.

[neas12]

@Poppinjay

I can't answer your questions I'm afraid but I'd just like to wish you well and suggest that you focus on packing things that are emotionally meaningful to you like photos and of practical importance, eg qualification certificates.

I'm sure that refuges can supply bedding but I think I'd appreciate my own if it were me.

Good luck, OP. I hope this is the beginning of a brighter, safer and happier life for you.

Thank you :) our sentimental items and important documents were the first things I packed. I’m 21 so don’t have many

[newnamenewposts]

I would take my own bedding etc if you can and food for a few days until you get sorted and time to go to the shops. Any bits that you can't take with you maybe leave with a friend for now rather than leave behind in case it's a real issue to get access to the property once you've gone.
Good luck

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

You are so brave

Other posters will be along with proper advice but I just wanted to say that I'm a good decade older than you and if you were my little sister I would be so pleased you were removing you and your boy from somewhere unsafe.

Well done, we are all with you in spirit

[PandaBabyJuly]

Hi @neas12

I was in your position at the beginning of the year.
Each refuge is different. The one I went to have you a weekly food bag and a set of bedding for the single bed.

If you can safely pack I would pack the following-:

• important documents
• ID for both of you
• clothes, shoes etc
• toiletries
• your own pillow / bedding / towel
• cutlery - they have me one set ie/ bowl, plate, fork etc but no glass or mug (having my own mug made me feel comforted silly I know)
• pack some food if you have it as you may not want to go out at first / money may become an issue

Normally housing benefit covers the rent on the refuge however there will be a service charge that you need to cover on a weekly basis - mine was around £25 a week

If I can be of any help please message me. I wish you all the luck

[REignbow]

How much are you able to take is dependent on, if you are fleeing whilst he is there or not.

If he is there then you may only ever able to take what you can carry.

If he is not, stuff clothing/bedding/toys/change bag/ nappies/formula etc into black bags.

Also, remember that it’ll get colder so pack enough warm clothing for yourself.

[Anordinarymum]

So sorry to read this. It's the beginning of your new life. I wish you well. Stay strong and do not go back to him.

[alm23x]

I hope youre doing okay! Xxxx

[pog100]

How are you doing @alm23x ? I think you are in the same situation?

[pog100]

Don't worry, I found your thread again. Well done @alm23x

[Sy123]

Hi I am thinking of leaving my partner due to DV for the past 3 years every time I got serious about leaving him he would manipulate me into thinking that it was just mistake etc anyway he has depression that is undiagnosed but something connected to bullies when he was younger. He knows it’s no excuse and anytime he now mentally abuses me I just lose it with him and give him as good as I get but I don’t want to be here anymore don’t want my two babies to listen to this anymore. He loses it over stupid things like the baby taking a wipe from the packet and him saying I’ve let him waste wipes and shouting at me and calling me names. Guess I’m just sick of it all. He did hit me once or twice when I was pregnant I did try to fight back. My boys are 2 and 11 months. I want to leave but I also know he threatens me with taking me to court which is also why I have stayed as I don’t trust them with him and if he got custody I would never forgive myself as I have been through this with my own parents and my mum stayed to keep us safe and usually she was the one who got the abuse but it meant we never cz she stayed. I know had he fought for us in court and he had got custody he would have hurt us as he tried many times while my mum was there but ended up hurting her. So I would never want to put my sons through that or even risk the possibility I would rather spend my whole life here and put up with it and stay and know they are atleast safe. Once or twice I have seen him
Getting agreesive with our two year old when he’s disturbed his sleep and I know if I wasn’t there I don’t know if he would have hurt him so therefore I can’t risk it. If he gets any custody if I leave which he could because good job no proof of domestic violence etc as I’ve been too scared to tell anyone and most times he would talk me around and I don’t know how, I would never forgive myself if I left and he ended up having overnight visits. Thing is till this day I do everything feeding bottles changing bathing night duties absolutely everything. He goes to work and pays the bills so he wouldn’t be able to look after them anyway and he can control his anger when he’s pissed off when usually it’s something minor. Sorry it’s long I’m just stuck as I never tell anyone they all think I live a happy life but I feel really down. Not sure what to do and if I left he would take me to court he already said so many times. Please could anyone give me advice xxx

[NiteWotcha]

Hi @Sy123

it might be a good idea to start a new thread to get some advice

click on the Start new thread in this topic, at the top of this page.

hope you can get some help

[Sy123]

Okay thanks for replying sorry I’m new on this so just learning how it works 💐

[NiteWotcha]

no worries - hope you're okay

[user1481840227]

No advice to offer but so glad you are making this step. Here's to the beginning of the rest of your life