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Overwhelming urge to be single

(33 Posts)
SuzieQ10 Mon 16-Nov-20 21:45:47

For no reason.
I love my DH and generally we have a happy life together.

But I just have this strong feeling suddenly that being single would be exciting, fun and that I am missing out.

How ridiculous. It would be the worst time to be single and I have DC with my DH who has done nothing wrong.

Maybe it's just sex. Maybe I miss the excitement of meeting and sleeping with someone new (not that it happened many times) the thrill.

Anyone else?? Will this feeling blow over?

OP’s posts: |
Mermaidwaves Tue 17-Nov-20 03:54:00

OP as a separated woman now single I dont find it fun or exciting. Thats not to say that many other folk don't, I'm sure there are many who do. I was extremely unhappily married and am now single, but trying to find a new partner is soul destroying and stressful at best. A lot of men seem to want to mess you around and play the field.

If you and your H are happy then don't assume the grass is greener. There may be many others here who have different experiences to me though.

Sunflower1970 Tue 17-Nov-20 04:56:02

The grass isnt always greener. I’ve been happily married for 12 years but before that I was pretty much single for 8 years ( partly due to fussiness but partly due to not finding someone who had the same outlook, morals, etc Maybe you got married too young and Feel the need to play the field a bit? You might be lucky but the dating game can be soul destroying. I’d suggest spicing up your marriage instead

BawJaws Tue 17-Nov-20 06:04:49

I sometimes imagine what bits of furniture I would take to a new flat. just for me....

There’s nothing wrong with just thinking how nice it would be, to be free of the mental and physical load of family life

That isn’t the same as being single though!

hopefulhalf Tue 17-Nov-20 06:07:19

I regularly fantasise about living alone. Went from home to college at 18, house shares then moved in with DH at 22. Now 44 would love to be able to please myself.

joystir59 Tue 17-Nov-20 06:13:03

Work on your relationship to make it more exciting and work on yourself to make space and time for you outside your roles of wide and mother.

Hesfamousforit Tue 17-Nov-20 08:21:35

Coming out a ltr and being single has been very good for me. I didn't love my dp anymore and was bored to tears with the relationship.

mynameiscalypso Tue 17-Nov-20 08:23:45

BawJaws

I sometimes imagine what bits of furniture I would take to a new flat. just for me....

There’s nothing wrong with just thinking how nice it would be, to be free of the mental and physical load of family life

That isn’t the same as being single though!


I do this too. I also browse Rightmove for new properties for just me and DS. I don't think it means that I want to leave per se, just that I'm a bit bored at the moment.

nonflirtinghusband Tue 17-Nov-20 09:00:16

I also do this, but I'm coming to the conclusion that I do want to leave.

Dadaist Tue 17-Nov-20 09:05:30

Everyone feels this on occasion in a LTR OP. It’s entirely natural to feel attracted to the idea of reliving the highs and thrills of new love. It’s a question of whether you want out - want an open relationship - or want to keep what you have as it is and daydream every now and then.
If the latter - then try to focus on reconnecting with your OH and put some fun and flirtation and thrill back into your relationship.

crochetmonkey74 Tue 17-Nov-20 09:13:05

I do this! I love DP dearly, we have a lovely life but I was single a long time before meeting him and sometimes hanker after that- I browse Rightmove too and have a pinterest board of my fantasy little place- I think it is just a nice escape sometimes

SuzieQ10 Tue 17-Nov-20 09:26:32

Thanks all.
Yes I agree, the grass would probably not be greener.

I like the thought of having sex with someone else. But I don't think an open relationship would work.

OP’s posts: |
helpmeout45 Tue 17-Nov-20 09:42:43

Hi! I was in an LTR for 5 years and things had fizzled out, I felt such an urge to be single. To sleep with all these people who ever showed an interest and I thought it would be fun to date.
I tell you now it is NOT fun haha! It’s so hard to find a decent guy these days as a lot of men just want sex or to string you along. The reality is that since then, I’m not being asked on many dates, a lot of men have played me and made me feel awful, and the grass wasn’t greener at all.
Of course if your relationship doesn’t make you happy then by all means leave. But if it’s just niggling thoughts I’d really really think about it because for me it’s got to the stage where I really miss my relationship with my ex because nothing really was wrong, it has just fizzled out. Just be careful and have a proper think about what you want Xx

SassenachWitch Tue 17-Nov-20 10:27:54

Just lately I fantasise about being single, not because I want to have sex with anyone else, I just want to be alone, I've never been single.

I imagine living in a modern, open-plan apartment, just me and 2 teenage DD's, oh and the cat.

ChickOnAStick Tue 17-Nov-20 10:31:22

I like the thought of having sex with someone else.

Someone specific has turned your head?

mynameiscalypso Tue 17-Nov-20 11:47:40

I think there's a difference between wanting to be single and wanting to be with someone else.

WitsEnding Tue 17-Nov-20 11:51:23

It’s a shame we’re in lockdown - I used to find a night out with single friends dispelled any illusion that there are better men in easy reach.

crochetmonkey74 Tue 17-Nov-20 13:06:37

for me it is not other men at all- it is the idea of only having to think about myself and please myself- it's definitely a control issue as well

SuzieQ10 Tue 17-Nov-20 14:03:19

"Someone specific has turned your head?"

No not at all. In fact I work in a female dominated industry so I rarely ever meet any men at all. I no longer seem to have any male friends, except for friends husbands or DH's mates. Not that we have socialised at all recently anyway!

General lack of male company, perhaps.

OP’s posts: |
EvenMoreFuriousVexation Tue 17-Nov-20 14:09:55

Do you think it's the boring routine of lockdown that's prompting these feelings?

When I felt strong urges to be single, I wanted to be on my own, watch what I wanted on TV, wear what I wanted (or nothing!), have a pet, read a book without being interrupted, basically just suit myself.

In your case it sounds more like a yearning for more excitement? Is there anything you can do about that - meet new people through a hobby or class once lockdown is over? Take up a new hobby or sport with your H?

berrygirlie Tue 17-Nov-20 14:19:24

I get this too, OP (I've even had this very recently if I'm honest). Unless you're truly unhappy in your relationship, and I mean day-to-day unhappiness of "this is chipping away at my soul" degree, it's sometimes nice to just have a little fantasy without placing too much bearing on it.

Now this advice may help and hinder people in equal measures, but the way I've thought of it is ... how much tantric, amazing, passionate sex did you actually have when you were single? Because (for me anyway) I always get into this rut of fantasising about people or general ideas of the folk I'm attracted to, but how many times have you actually had sex that was that good? If you're thinking "not a lot", there's every likeliness it's overhyped in your mind to a degree that is potentially unrealistic for actual sex / relationships.

Sorry, hope it doesn't come off as condescending and this advice is probably quite hypocritical as I too struggle to put the fantasy away sometimes, but unless you're actively unhappy don't jump ship for a boat on the horizon.

StormBaby Tue 17-Nov-20 14:24:29

I absolutely adore my DH, he’s the best, but even I think if we split up I am never settling down again. I just can’t be bothered. I will live alone in a cottage with my dogs and do crochet 🤣

Lookingoutside Tue 17-Nov-20 20:05:13

The grass was greener for me. When I was still in my marriage I too had a Pinterest board for my own place and browsed on Rightmove every day. I thought about sex with other people and developed crush after crush.

I was unhappy, suffocated and being single was all I could think about. I really don’t think I’ll choose to settle down again. It isn’t always ‘perfectly fine and natural to have a little fantasy’. Sometimes it means you should leave grab the life you want.

berrygirlie Tue 17-Nov-20 20:15:22

Think you're responding to my comment, @Lookingoutside outside so I'll just say again - if the unhappiness of your relationship feels constant or you genuinely want to leave then that is what you should do. However, it's also good to think "Am I happy on a day-to-day basis and is this fantasy just a fantasy?" Of course, if OP is truly unhappy she should make the choice to become single.

Lookingoutside Tue 17-Nov-20 21:08:25

Sorry @berrygirlie Just realised my post reads as a bit of a dig. I wasn’t responding directly to you, was just aware that people had mentioned Pinterest and it being ok to fantasise.

I agree. It’s all about how you feel most of the time and leaving certainly isn’t easy.

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