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Advice needed...(3 Posts)
So 4 years ago I met a guy on Tinder, who was just ok, but I hung out with him because I was bored more than anything else. Fast forward few months and I accidentally got pregnant. I was on the pill but GP put it down me being very sick two weeks of a month so the pill was basically not in my system at all.
We broke up while I was pregnant because I knew he wasn't the love of my life and it really was the right decision... The only right one I made...
When our son was born he forced himself to the hospital ward "because it was his son" even though I didn't want him there. He wanted to come over after I got home all the time as well and I tried to accommodate him as much as I could. I've always been a sucker trying to please everyone.
The guy is a master of manipulation and also I needed help with the baby occasionally so he made it somehow to my good books and we were trying to date again. Like don't get me wrong, he is not a bad guy and he is a good father but he drives me mad with his rules and opinions...
So in the beginning of lockdown he chose to stay in my house (we never lived together for the whole 4 years before) I wasn't really happy with this and he didn't exactly ask either, he just stayed and I was too nice to ask him to leave. I was just trying to find out how long will he be staying and his answer was always very vague because no one knew where the lockdown was going.
But it was not too bad, our son was thriving because he was spending time with both of us and for a second I thought it could all work out.
So the situation was that I was renting a house and this guy owned his house so during lockdown we talked about the possibility of me and our son moving to his house to save money on rent etc. and stupid me agreed to it thinking it would be the same as us living in my house.
It turned out to be VERY different.
Me and my son uprooted our whole life and moved 2h away to live in this guy's house almost two months ago and I feel like my soul is slowly dying living here. The first month I was just crying and even now I have days I hate myself for doing this. I feel like I have been fooled into moving in here and I fear that if I now decided to move out he would try to keep our son because he has his own house here, our son has a big room and his grandparents under one roof (they have own entrance annex on the side of the house). I truly hate myself for agreeing to it because I could have ruined my whole life... It really upsets me to even think that I would have to give up my son, I'd rather suffer in a loveless relationship than lose him but I'm just really unhappy and our son can sense it.
I don't know what to do and I'm scared to actually do anything in the fear of losing my son. I know they always say mother's get to keep their children, but this guy can twist any situation upside down because he is such a good talker and manipulator. He has a daughter from his previous relationship and seems to know all the little loopholes to get his way.
I do feel like such a fool, should learn to say no 😔
Not really any practical advice just an outsider looking in..
You know you need to formulate a plan to move out of there with your son & live independently from this man. Before it affects your mental health to a point you no longer have the strength to do so.
Is there a way of you saving up for a deposit on a private let or borrowing the money from a family member or friend.
Just because he's your sons dad doesn't mean he can take him from you or force you to live there unhappily. Life is way too short for that.
Your son might be happy having his parents with him full time but the unhappier you become he will pick up on & in the long run he'll be better off living with a happy mum & seeing his dad separately.
I'm sure someone will come along with some practical advice & help. Until then do this for yourself & good luck
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