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Considering not telling family I’ve moved house- wwyd?

(7 Posts)
LukeSkywalkerBoots Mon 16-Nov-20 17:26:05

Hi everyone

We are going to be moving soon provided everything goes ok with our chain. I’m in a quandary though.

I’m NC with my mum, awful aunt and my sister. Things broke down between myself and my mother a few years ago when I had a breakdown over her complicity in my childhood abuse and when I tried talking to her she kept making excuses for her past behaviour which made it all worse and I was unable to move forward with her. My sister decided to gatecrash my dc nativity play with my mother so I no longer have contact with her either. Everyone on mumsnet was fabulous at helping me process it all over many threads.

My mother is blocked on our phones and dc have moved school so she now doesn’t know where they are. We are now also moving home. She sometimes sends emotional cards to me through the post which are very upsetting and frustrating. The worst thing though is that she actually walks up to our door and puts cards through for dc at xmas and birthdays which makes me v anxious as I don’t want to run into her.

I’m not considering telling her we have moved for obvious reasons.

It’s my ‘nice’ aunt and cousin that I’m concerned about. I didn’t tell anyone about the school move as I wanted the peace of mind of knowing my volatile mum could never show up at the school gate/ at plays etc, and I feel the same way about the house. I’d love for her to not know where we are and I’d like the knowledge that that information can’t ever get back to her. I’m friendly with my aunt and cousin though. I trust my cousin but I don’t totally trust my aunt not to take pity on my mum and let it slip one day.

Would I be unreasonable to explain to them why I’m keeping our new address secret (not that I don’t try at them, but because I want to ensure that it never is let slip)?

OP’s posts: |
lazylump72 Mon 16-Nov-20 17:40:56

Your nice aunt and cousin will have your phone number they will know they can reach you whenever thats all fine its enough...as for anyone else I would not tell them ..there is nothing unreasonble about that in my view.Go be happy,be free and build your life as you wish..you do not owe anyone anything....

YoniAndGuy Mon 16-Nov-20 17:45:40

Keep it secret.

Do you work out of the home? 'Oh could you send X's birthday present to me at work? So difficult being there for deliveries... thanks'

I would just not tell them for now and play it by ear.

Quite frankly, your peace of mind is more important than their feelings. They don't need to know where you live.

bakereld Mon 16-Nov-20 17:49:41

As the poster above said, your peace of mind is more important than their feelings. Don't tell them, they can always contact you by phone can't they.

willowmelangell Mon 16-Nov-20 17:52:31

Phone calls, texts and emails for nice aunty and cousin.
Obviously don't leave a forwarding address with the next home owner who might let slip to nc relatives.

Trisolaris Mon 16-Nov-20 17:58:35

I would just tell them that you don’t want to put them in the awkward position of having to lie to your mum and sister so it’s easier if they can just honestly say they don’t know your address.

LukeSkywalkerBoots Mon 16-Nov-20 18:00:52

That’s a brilliant idea @Trisolaris !!!

OP’s posts: |

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