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HELP!

(4 Posts)
Mark123456 Mon 16-Nov-20 16:54:38

So i've ben with my girlfriend for over 10 years, in the last few years I would say she has put on a quite a bit of weight (Around 3 stone / 42lbs) and I'm no longer physically attracted to her.

I feel horrible even writing this and I wish I could just change what i'm attracted to but I can't. We haven't had sex for over a year and really don't know what to do.

Everything else in the relationship is amazing, I love her with all my heart and still after all these years we make each other laugh every single day.

Ive offered to join a gym with her, do yoga, take up physically demanding hobbies together. I keep myself in "good" shape and have been only too willing to work with her to help her out but whenever a bring the subject up she just gives me excuses. We don't have kids and we currently both work at home. Her job is quite demanding (This being her main excuse for not wanting to exercise, that and the fact she says she genuinely doesn't like exercise.

Now obviously she shouldn't have to change her shape just to suit what I find attractive but I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty/bad for not wanting to have sex with someone I no longer feel attracted to in that way.

Am I being a chauvinistic idiot? I really don't see her changing and as she gets older only getting bigger. Am i now resigned to a sexless relationship.

I really do love her but i just don't know how this is going to pan out.

Please give me your advice.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Mon 16-Nov-20 17:00:19

I'm sure the "You're a horrible arsehole" brigade will be round shortly, but I sympathise with you. If my husband, who I love dearly, became obese, I would lose my sexual attraction to him as well. I would still love him, but the physical side of our relationship would suffer badly. I find obesity very off-putting, and I won't apologise for feeling that way.

If your partner refuses to lose weight, and not just for her appearance but for her health, as well, can you continue to live in a sexless relationship? I would not be able to.

youvegottenminuteslynn Mon 16-Nov-20 17:07:00

Aquamarine1029

I'm sure the "You're a horrible arsehole" brigade will be round shortly, but I sympathise with you. If my husband, who I love dearly, became obese, I would lose my sexual attraction to him as well. I would still love him, but the physical side of our relationship would suffer badly. I find obesity very off-putting, and I won't apologise for feeling that way.

If your partner refuses to lose weight, and not just for her appearance but for her health, as well, can you continue to live in a sexless relationship? I would not be able to.


You'll likely get a flaming due to the sexes involved but I agree with PP. You sound considerate and obviously wish you didn't feel this way but we cannot help what we find physically attractive. It sounds like you've tried to help with a healthier lifestyle etc as a couple, as a team and been met with resistance. It's so tough as you obviously adore her, hopefully someone else be along with some better suggestions than me! But you don't sound like a chauvinist based on what you've head as it's nothing to do with her being a woman and you being a man. I would feel the same in your position and I'm bisexual so I say that regardless of which sex was involved.

wobblywinelover Mon 16-Nov-20 19:06:34

Show her this post and see what she does then. It might backfire, or it might work but it sounds like you're at the point of no return anyway

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